Why We’re Proud to Partner with The Mighty

One of the pleasures of working in helping educate the world about mental illness and mental health issues over the past two decades is seeing so many great ideas and services pop up and take bloom. People and thought leaders who look at a problem and say, “Hey, I better we can help out here!”

The world of mental illness — and its associated discrimination and prejudice — is a big, too-often-ignorant place. It needs all the help, light, and attention it can get.

That’s why today I’m pleased to introduce our new partnership with The Mighty.

With a problem as big as mental illness is, it’s not going to be solved overnight by a single individual. Instead, it will take hundreds of thousands of leaders around the world to help us rid society of the discrimination and prejudice that comes with talking about mental health and mental illness. Disorders such as depression, attention deficit disorder, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and debilitating anxiety won’t go away on their own. Nor will people “just know” that there is help and treatment for them just as readily as for any medical condition.

That’s why I reached out a few weeks ago to contact the good folks who bring us The Mighty.

The Mighty is a story-based health community focused on improving the lives of people facing disease, disorder and disability. More than half of Americans are facing serious health conditions or medical issues. They want more than information. They want to be inspired. The Mighty publishes real stories about real people facing real challenges.

The passionate, dedicated people at The Mighty focus on helping people affected by mental illness and mental health concerns — invisible, often chronic conditions that people (still!) have a hard time talking about. We hope by partnering with The Mighty, it will enable us to help and reach even more people.

The new partnership will bring Psych Central’s resources in front of The Mighty’s wide-reaching readership. Psych Central will now have a growing home page on The Mighty where people can get involved with The Mighty directly, share their story, and help spread awareness, compassion and hope related to mental illness.

We encourage you to submit a story to The Mighty today, to help make your voice heard.

from World of Psychology http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/05/02/why-were-proud-to-partner-with-the-mighty/

What You Really Lose When You Lose Perspective

“What can you do with a person who says that he is absolutely uncertain about everything, and that he is absolutely certain about that?” — Idries Shah

Our perspective is how we perceive people, situations, ideas, etc. It’s informed by our personal experience, which makes it as unique as anything could be. Perspective shapes our life by affecting our choices. But the minute our minds become steeped in worry, perspective goes out of the window. We forget about our triumphs. We stop being optimistic as fear takes the wheel.

Fear gives rise to negative feelings: insecure, critical, defensive, abandoned, desperate, lonely, resentful, overwhelmed, aggressive, and so on. These cloud our minds and consume our thoughts.

When we lose perspective, our operational wisdom is gone. We might as well be little children. Everything we know about coping, adapting, and resilience are lost. Small things appear to be much larger and more dire. Stress mounts.

Everything we’ve accomplished in life, the lessons we’ve learned, the hard times we’ve overcome and the ways in which we’ve grown are discounted when perspective is lost. We see it happen around us every day, but we rarely label it properly.

The driver, consumed with road rage, who pulled into the turning lane just to go around us, has lost perspective. Everyone else is stuck in the same traffic and doing something dangerous is only going to save him a few seconds in travel time.

The neighbor, who gripes about the bush on our property line leaves us a nasty voicemail about leaves in her driveway, has lost perspective. In the grand scheme of things, the five-foot shrub is no threat.

When we’re the receiver of this aggressive resentment, it’s pretty obvious that it’s an overreaction. We were in the middle of thinking about the surgery our elderly father is having next week, then we were side-swiped by their discontent. But we’re guilty of this kind of behavior too, whether we take it out on or people or on ourselves.

• We allow ourselves to be overtaken with worry and soon we’re almost certain that everything that can go wrong, will go wrong. We only see what’s troubling us and nothing that isn’t.
• We become set on a certain outcome: If I just lost the weight… If I could just save more money… If I just had a nicer car… And we are cruel to ourselves when we don’t make it happen.
• We take things personally and allow insecurity to undermine self-esteem.
• We back ourselves into a corner and forget the bigger picture. We’re so obsessed with our next project, our next assignment, our next big challenge, that we forget to appreciate all that we’ve already accomplished and to show gratitude for what we already love. We forget the right now.

A loss of perspective makes us say and do things we may regret because it’s a complete loss of our personal experience. It’s lacking all the wisdom we’ve worked so hard to cultivate. What’s the point of worry, stress, and perfectionism if we’re not growing wiser? And what’s the point of wisdom if we can’t use it when we need it the most?

Man thinking photo available from Shutterstock

from World of Psychology http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/05/02/what-you-really-lose-when-you-lose-perspective/

Growth Dilemma for Narcissists: It’s Always Someone Else’s Fault

Becoming a better person is hard work, and it's especially hard when problems are always someone else's fault.

Tags: in practice, relationships, responsibility

from Psychology, Philosophy and Real Life http://counsellingresource.com/features/2016/05/02/growth-dilemma/

Building a Guilt-Free Relationship with Food through Mindful Eating

The primary role of food in young children’s lives is one of sustenance. Young children tend to eat when they’re hungry and push away food when they’re full. Food is a source of nourishment and joy, one of the many joyful things life has to offer.

This role can change as children grow, depending on the messages received. Some children may be told to finish everything on their plate even if they’re full, a lesson telling them they can’t waste food. Parents may restrict eating due to what they perceive is a weight problem for their children. These children may grow up feeling shame for eating, resulting in binge behaviors or eating in secret. Children may witness unhealthy habits, eating only processed foods or having a lack of structure around eating. This can result in making poor food choices throughout their lives or a lack of moderation with eating.

With all these messages given through time, it can destroy healthy definitions of what food means in a person’s life, clouding perceptions of food’s role. What was once a carefree, enjoyable experience with food eventually turns into an unhealthy cycle of overindulgence, guilt, and a loss of control.

Think about some of the messages you received growing up surrounding food. Were you forced to sit at the dinner table until you finished everything on your plate? Were you not allowed to have sweets, soda, or other snacks? Or perhaps you never learned ways to find joy other than through the act of eating? All of these experiences shape your relationship with food as an adult. Understanding these messages can help you recognize reasons behind your behavioral patterns surrounding food.

Mindful eating is one way to build a joyful relationship with food once again. The concept of mindfulness is sometimes misunderstood. It isn’t about doing one thing at a time, although it’s beneficial to practice this in the beginning as you’re learning. You can have a meal, do nothing else and still be disengaged if your mind is preoccupied with other thoughts.

Mindful eating is about being fully present with your meal and the act of eating. This doesn’t necessarily guarantee you will lose weight, although many people find they lose some weight when they practice this.

Mindful eating isn’t about dieting. It’s about developing a healthy relationship with food, a relationship that doesn’t abuse food or view it as an enemy that requires restriction. Mindfulness is a skill and with regular practice you get better at it.

Have you ever walked to the kitchen, opened the fridge, and looked for something without knowing what you’re looking for? When you catch yourself doing this, stop and take a few minutes to check in with yourself. What are you trying to satisfy?

Before eating, check in with your thoughts: What are you thinking about? Did something happen today? Check in with your emotions: what are you feeling right now? Are you worried about something? Check in with your body: what are the sensations you feel? What does your stomach feel like? Is it growling, and if so, is this due to hunger or are you just digesting food?

Here are some tips to help you practice the skill of mindful eating:

• Assess your level of hunger.
  Before you start to eat, sit for a moment and assess your level of hunger. What are indicators you use to determine this? Is it physical sensations? Your emotional state? The time of day? How do you know you are truly hungry and not just following an old, negative pattern?
• Eat slowly.
  Make it a point to eat slowly. Many people have a habit of racing through their meal in order to go on to their next activity. This doesn’t make the experience of eating enjoyable and it certainly doesn’t allow your body time to register that you’ve eaten too much. By eating slowly, you allow your brain enough time to determine if you have had enough food to satisfy your hunger. This also allows you time to savor your meal.
• Engage your senses in the experience of the meal.
  Take a bite, put your fork down, and pay attention to how you respond to your food. What does the food look like? Look at the colors, textures, shapes on your plate. What does the food smell like? What does the food taste like? Do you notice many different flavors or only a few? What is the texture like as you chew? With each bite, do the same thing. This adds to the enjoyment of your meal when you take time to engage your senses.
• Eat in silence.
  This may mean sitting at the table with no phone, tablet, or TV to distract you. This task can probably be the most difficult, so try to eat at least the first five minutes of your meal in silence. The fewer distractions you have around you, the more you can pay attention to your meal, taking time to enjoy it. You also can pay attention to the sensations you feel and recognize the signals that indicate you are satiated.

These few simple steps can help you begin working toward mindful eating and reduce the feelings of shame or guilt you’ve learned to associate with food. Practicing this regularly can bring new, healthier meanings to food, help you regain your sense of control and reestablish the joyful experience of eating.

References

Bays, J.C. (2009). Mindful eating: A guide to rediscovering a healthy and joyful relationship with food. Boston, MA: Shambhala Publications, Inc.

Somov, P.G. (2008). Eating the moment: 141 mindful practices to overcome eating one meal at a time. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

Kids having lunch photo available from Shutterstock

from World of Psychology http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/05/02/building-a-guilt-free-relationship-with-food-through-mindful-eating/

A Doctorate in Life: Dual Degrees

“I’ve wanted to be a doctor since the age of 4,” an ex-girlfriend once confided. She said this with absolute certitude.

At age 4, I was whimpering for Little Debbies. Doctor? Sure, I was a precocious child, at least according to my mother, but terrorizing babysitters and sparring with brothers was my chosen profession.

I marveled at Haley’s preternatural obsession with medicine. She knew, like, in her bones knew, that medicine was her destined profession. “How do you know?” I would inquire — a touch of amazement and disbelief lining my voice.

“I don’t know; I’ve just always wanted to be a doctor,” she matter-of-factly stated. She agonized more about Sunday brunch.

Maybe it was my upbringing. Achievement, not long-winded existential conversations about career paths (crises?), were kitchen table topics. Stellar report cards — and the accompanying praise — were our household currency.

In seventh grade, I rushed home with a desultory look plastered on my face. Stomach churning, I confessed my academic sin. “Mom, I got a B+ on a paper.”

These perfectionistic tendencies served me well as long as I could focus on the here (the all-important exam) and now (satisfying my unrealistic expectations). But life plans? I needed an additional study hall.

Graduating from a selective undergraduate institution, the world teemed with possibilities. “What do you want to do?” well-meaning acquaintances would ask. Well, everything, I thought to myself before mumbling a politically correct answer. Truthfully, I wanted to dabble in policy, psychology, linguistics, and cultural anthropology. But my profession? Maybe Will Hunting and I could tend to a flock as we figured it out.

With my demanding father’s insistence (success! achievement!), I opted for the path of least resistance: law school. Law school, where smart, mildly neurotic Jews beat themselves into severely neurotic Jews. Law school was intellectually stimulating, but life-changing? Maybe for the frenzied gunners fawning over a professor’s every word. For me, law school was a means to an end, although I am still figuring out that end.

Now 34, my stomach churns like that anxious seventh grader when the inevitable career questions emerge. Is there a career in wordsmithing, mental health, and vintage finds? No? As the “What do you want to do with your life?” question ricochets around my head, uncertainty floods my overstimulated neurons.

I do know one thing, though. Use your gifts, passions, and values (GPV) to find a meaningful career. My trial and error career path has unlocked a gift/passion only tangentially related to law. Human psychology, motivation, personality traits fascinate me. My two brothers and I grew up in the nurturing confines of Des Moines, Iowa; what explains our differences in temperament? If you think you are too old to uncover your GPV, ask yourself why.

Whether you are 4, 44, or 84, you have the capacity to achieve a purposeful life. Youthfulness is measured in hopeful exuberance, not candles dotting a store-bought cake. With apologies to Haley and professional colleagues, the doctorate in life can be more enriching than any professional credential.

 

Reference

Zhang, L. (2016). “How to Find the Answer to ‘What Do I Want to Do With My Life.’” The Muse. Retrieved from https://www.themuse.com/advice/how-to-find-the-answer-to-what-do-i-want-to-do-with-my-life

College diploma photo available from Shutterstock

from World of Psychology http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/05/01/doctorate-in-life-dual-degrees/

An Anxious Comedian Attempts to Talk about It

Being anxious is awful. And one of the worst parts is being too afraid to even talk about it.

Sometimes this reluctance is due to fear of judgment. It’s easy to imagine that others will think less of me if I am honest with them about it.

Sometimes it’s a more nameless fear. I know it’s not rational, but it can feel as if the simple act of talking about anxiety — of acknowledging its existence — might somehow make it stronger. Even sharing with a close friend can feel next to impossible.

When I was at my most anxious, I sat behind my defenses and quietly hoped that people would read my mind and understand my feelings without me needing to say anything. (Which never happened, obviously.) All of this makes me all the more confused that I’ve somehow managed to give a TED talk about my anxiety. This would have come as a huge surprise to my past anxious self. But a big part of what I’ve learned is that opening up is important.

The other part of what I’ve learned is that it helps a surprising amount to compare anxiety to custard. See my video at the end of this post.

Okay, once you’ve seen the video you’ll know a few more things about me, including that I apparently can’t operate very simple slide-changing machinery. But let’s ignore that for now. I want to return to the importance — and difficulty — of sharing our struggles.

We all know that it’s good to share. But we also know that sharing requires vulnerability, and that not every situation is safe to share in. It can be hard knowing when to trust, particularly if our trust has been betrayed before. And there’s often that critical voice in our mind saying “nobody cares — you’re just being a burden.” This all adds up to paralysis, and to bottling up our struggles, often for years.

We shouldn’t feel bad about finding it hard to talk. It’s natural, it’s common, it’s human to struggle with vulnerability. But it doesn’t have to remain this way.

It might be hard to share. It might be hard to find someone to trust. It might be hard to be vulnerable. But it’s not impossible, and the benefits are huge: a chance to start untangling the anxious mess in our heads, as well as maybe making a new ally on the journey, not to mention taking a small step toward creating a world where more people feel free to say “I feel that way too!”

The more I’ve spoken publicly about anxiety, the more people have said to me: “Me too!” At first, I was a little surprised by this. But now I realize that we are more similar to one another than we realize, and we’re all very good at hiding our vulnerabilities.

Our anxieties protect themselves by making us too anxious to face them. However, we can use this to our advantage: it means that once we start coming to grips with our anxiety, it loses this power to protect itself. And, often, the very first step to reduce the power of our anxiety is to begin talking about it with someone, or some community, that we trust. It’s a long journey from there to peacefulness, but it’s a long journey I hope we can share with one another.

Microphone photo available from Shutterstock

from World of Psychology http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/05/01/an-anxious-comedian-attempts-to-talk-about-it/

7 Creative Shortcuts and Solutions to Simplify Life with Young Kids

Life with kids can feel anything but simple. Things rarely go as planned. You’re exhausted and could sleep for days. You feel like a mess surrounded by a whole lot of mess. Expert advice only makes you feel less-than and like you’re doing everything wrong. Which, naturally, only makes you feel more overwhelmed.

That’s what happened to author Asha Dornfest. Dornfest felt like she was drowning. For help she consulted parenting and productivity books and sampled time management systems, among other things. She assumed that other “more qualified people” would have the answers she needed.

“But expert advice didn’t fix my new life,” she writes in her book Parent Hacks: 134 Genius Shortcuts for Life with Kids. “If anything, it undermined what little confidence I had. I felt more overwhelmed (so much information!) and less equipped to handle it.”

Maybe you know exactly how Dornfest felt because you feel like that right now. The more you read, the worse you feel. But, as she reassures, “You’re the expert, even when it doesn’t feel like it.”

Years ago, what really helped Dornfest was finding a community of parents online. In 2005 she started her own blog called Parent Hacks with creative tips and idea, which she and other parents contributed. Today, Dornfest hosts a podcast called “Edit Your Life” on the site.

Parent Hacks, the book, includes ideas for everything from organizing your time and home to bathing and grooming your baby to navigating travel and outings. Each idea also is illustrated by Craighton Berman. What I love about the book is that it empowers parents to get creative. It reminds us that with a bit of imagination, we can create exactly what we need.

Here are seven of my favorite tips, which I think you’ll find helpful, too. And if you don’t, they’ll certainly inspire you to create your own hacks.

Sort your to-do list based on time.

That is, sort your list of tasks by the time it takes you to complete them. For instance, cleaning the high chair and composing your list might each take 5 minutes. Cleaning the bathroom might take 45 minutes. Sorting laundry might take 15 minutes.

Also, separate bigger projects into shorter tasks, so you can make progress. In less than 10 minutes you can empty all the wastebaskets in your house; sweep and tidy up the entryway; recycle mismatched plastic containers; organize a single file; or clean out your diaper bag.

When you find yourself with some time, you can swiftly review your list and pick a task to tackle and actually finish.

Create a toy library.

Designate different clear plastic bins for each category of toys, such as blocks, cars and dolls. “Check out” toys from the library, and put them into a small basket wherever you’re having playtime. When your child wants to play with a new toy, “check in” the old toy. 

Play more relaxing games when you need to rest.

When your toddler won’t sleep — but you really want to — combine games with downtime. For instance, create a pretend campout in your living room. Roll out sleeping bags. Turn off the lights. Crawl inside, and make believe that you’re sleeping in the woods.

Another idea is to create a laser show. Turn off the lights. Lie on the floor. Use a laser pointer to create shapes and other effects on the ceiling.

Involve toddlers in chores.

According to Dornfest, “giving toddlers real work demonstrates that everyone in the family can pitch in, and that they are capable little humans.” For instance, you can have your toddler throw dirty clothes in the hamper; put their toys and books away; water plants; and wipe surfaces with a damp cloth.

Use chips for screen time.

Create a kind of “electronics bank” using plastic poker chips and a timer. Figure out how much time each chip will represent. Then every day your child will receive or earn chips. For each chip they pay you, they get a certain amount of screen time. 

Make totes into kits.

Turn different tote bags into premade kits. You might create kits for objects you regularly misplace or objects you need to get out the door. For instance, create a swim tote, which includes sunscreen, sunglasses, flip-flops, towels and a swim diaper. Create a library tote for books to return. Create a return/exchange tote with both the item and receipt.

Use laundry baskets for everything.

For instance, during bath time, put your child in a laundry basket in the tub, along with their toys. Use a laundry basket as a recycling bin or for toy storage. Use a basket for support as your baby learns to walk. Use it as an indoor train or even a bassinet. Use a laundry basket in the car as an organizer.

Life with kids can get complicated. But you can use your creativity (and the creativity of others) to simplify your days — and have more fun!

Family at the park photo available from Shutterstock

from World of Psychology http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/05/01/7-creative-shortcuts-and-solutions-to-simplify-life-with-young-kids/