Do We Really Know What We Look Like?

We all think we know how we look, but do we really ‘know’? How can we? Certainly, we can see ourselves in the mirror, but do we really have a sense or knowledge of how others see us? We only have an idea based on what the mirror tells us and ultimately how we regard ourselves, the value we place on appearance, what our mood is and the feedback we receive from others. Is that objective?

How we perceive things changes from person to person. Have you ever found someone you regarded as attractive, only to ask someone else who comments, “Yeah, he or she is alright looking”? Well, how can that be if it is the same person? Yes, we all have different concepts of beauty, and the value we place on attractiveness determines how much attention we pay to our looks or those of others. The value that I place on attractiveness or brilliance would influence how I, and I alone, perceived that person. The same goes for ourselves.

I specialize in the treatment of people with Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD), which is a preoccupation with one or more nonexistent or slight defects or flaws in physical appearance. This preoccupation gives rise to compulsive behaviors that are performed in response to the appearance concerns that range from picking to plastic surgery. To the outsider, BDD may seem like a trivial concern and a matter of vanity, but it is really quite the opposite. The person feels disgust and shame regarding some aspect of his or her appearance and is often highly anxious about being seen and evaluated by others. About 40 percent end up homebound, they are hospitalized more often than schizophrenics, and 80 percent have suicidal ideation with 29 percent attempting suicide. It is a significant and serious disorder.

I was drawn to these clients because they are challenging and often misunderstood. They are perpetually wounded and cannot escape from their symptoms because they are of their own making and, after all, how do we escape our own bodies? Unfortunately for them peace does not come at the end of a surgeon’s blade, and this is where I come in trying to convince these clients to change the way they think about their body rather than the body part itself. Our goals are very different, and our first challenge is to agree upon a common goal.

I remember the day Jimmy, 22 years old, came to my office after trying to convince his parents to pay for surgery, angry that he was wasting his time with me. He sported a baseball cap with a hint of bangs showing partly below. He said he did not like the way his hairline looked, and that he wanted a second hair transplant, which his parents would not allow. In his sophomore year of college it had become impossible for him to sit in class or socialize and he had to finally had to take a protracted leave of absence. Jimmy thought that his forehead was too big and that his hair was receding. Nothing would convince him otherwise, so to hold onto my own receding credibility, I did not dare argue my perception with him. I said that I understood and that there was little I could do except ask him to try to think a bit differently about his appearance over the next few months, since his parents would not pay for another surgery.

My road ahead was not going to be easy, nor was his. He came in a few times a week, trying to align his purported values with the time he spent catering to them. Although he claimed that he did not value attractiveness as highly as education, family and friends, he soon realized that he spent more time on his appearance than anything else. We tried to set that straight. I took him out of the office without his hat and had him expose his hairline at the beauty counter of a nearby store. He had to sit with his anxiety, hair and forehead exposed in all the places he had avoided including the university cafeteria, the local bar and with friends. His anxiety and disgust decreased over time in all of these situations. After almost 6 months Jimmy was able to return to school, socialize with friends and eventually date. He had regained his life and had no need for surgery. At that point, he was able to recognize that the problem was not his hairline, but instead his beliefs about it, and the ways in which his preoccupation interfered with his life. He was back on track with a better sense of control. I believe that my CBT-oriented approach with Jimmy was useful; although I believe that it was equally important helping him reconnect with those experiences in his life that were of greater value than his hairline and appearance.

from http://www.psychotherapy.net/blog/title/do-we-really-know-what-we-look-like

How Saying No Can Save Your Relationship

Saying no gets a bad rap.

If you refuse a request, you’re afraid you’ll sound selfish or upset another person. Maybe a co-worker wants a favor or a family member asks for a loan. You say yes because sometimes, it’s easier to “be nice” and keep the peace. You act like everything is fine hoping to avoid confrontation. But over time, being nice and keeping the peace creates more problems.

Something has to change, but you’re not sure where to start. This article explains how sometimes saying no actually improves the closeness of your relationships.

Why Not Saying No Hurts

Sometimes, you have to say “no.” We all have a limited amount of time, energy and patience to give. When you avoid setting limits, you avoid speaking your truth. This actually hurts your relationships because when you can’t be honest, relationships become less intimate. It’s not possible to feel close to someone when you can’t be completely open about what you need. Intimacy stems from authenticity, not pretending.

Also, when you give too much, your needs get put on the back burner. You start to feel invisible, like your needs don’t matter. And when others don’t reciprocate, you are left more frustrated than ever. Those resentments fester until they turn into is an unspoken tension. If nothing changes, you might not want to be around the person who takes so much time and energy from you. The relationship starts to suffer.

Saying No Is Self-Care Not Selfish

Saying “no” to a request is not selfish or inconsiderate when you are taking care of yourself. When self-care becomes a struggle, stress increases. These feelings should never be ignored because they take a toll on your body. Some common physical signs of stress are headaches, stomach pains, and digestive issues. It’s normal and healthy to have needs. Those preferences are what makes you unique!

Address the Fear

When you avoid saying no, there is something you’re afraid of. Addressing your fear helps you move past it. 12 step programs have a great acronym FEAR that stands for: False Evidence Appearing Real. Basically, it means that what we fear rarely happens.

When you think about these fears, ask what your worst fear is about saying no? For example, do you think they’ll get mad and leave you?

Once you can name that fear, ask yourself: how likely is it that going to happen? And if it DID happen, what does that say about the person you’re involved with? Speaking up about your needs shouldn’t be a negative thing.

Some people may not like your saying “no,” but they will likely respect you for it. If they can’t accept your saying “no,” it may be time to reconsider the relationship. By not setting healthy boundaries, we teach people how to treat us. Without boundaries, relationships become inauthentic. When one person gives more than the other, those relationships become obligations, not intimate connections.

Change your Self-talk!

One important tip for changing this imbalance is to consider how you talk to yourself. If your “self-talk” is telling yourself that others will be mad if you say no, you stay in fear. This kind of thinking assumes the worst proves to be false. It’s called catastrophizing. Instead, change that “self-talk” into more realistic, hopeful messages. Things like, “You can do this,” or “It’s okay to have needs.”

Practice with Your Tribe

Without healthy boundaries, anyone can become a doormat. Boundaries help you enjoy each other as equals. Start by practicing with the person you feel safest with, like a best friend. Say “no” to something small like going to a particular restaurant or movie, when you don’t want to go. Another option: delay going somewhere by 15 minutes to make it more convenient for you. Starting with the little things that don’t matter that much will be less scary and help to build your confidence.

The Benefits of Saying No

The people who really care about you will support you in taking care of yourself. If they don’t, pay close attention. If someone else’s needs frequently overshadow yours, that’s a major red flag. Healthy relationships should benefit both people, not just one person. When others continue to disregard your saying “no,” then it may be time to lower your expectations or even to reconsider the depth of the relationship.

Final Thoughts

Saying no doesn’t have to hurt your relationships. Practicing this new behavior will feel uncomfortable at first but with time setting healthy boundaries can become the new normal. Always start small so you can experience some wins. The most surprising lesson you’ll learn about saying no is that most people will accept it. They WANT you to take care of yourself!

Prioritizing what you need becomes the template for creating healthier relationships. No longer will you be attracting people who can’t give back. Saying no gives you the chance to be yourself without apology and that is priceless.

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-saying-no-can-save-your-relationship/

TPCS Podcast: Living Well With Bipolar Disorder

Bipolar disorder is an often misunderstood (and misdiagnosed) disorder. Our guest this week is a psychotherapist who has worked with many individuals with this diagnosis. He discusses the nature of the disease, therapy plans for treatment, and the multi-phase stabilization process. He also talks about the “Grand Bargain” between the bipolar person and his/her family, which helps keep everyone informed. Most importantly, he makes it very clear that bipolar disorder is a very manageable disease that will not prevent someone from leading a stable, satisfying life, on one’s own terms, rather than the terms dictated by the disease.

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Show Highlights:

“[An individual with bipolar disorder] can be whatever they’re meant to be in life…they can discover that person…separate and apart from bipolar.” ~ Michael Pipich

• What is the clinical definition of bipolar disorder?
• What’s the difference between Bipolar I and Bipolar II?
• Is mania really as awesome as some people believe?
• Why is bipolar disorder so frequently misdiagnosed?

 

About Our Guest

Michael G. Pipich, MS, LMFT is a psychotherapist and author of Owning Bipolar: How Patients and Families Can Take Control of Bipolar Disorder (Citadel Press, Sept 2018). He practices in Denver, Colorado, and can be reached at MichaelPipich.com.

About The Psych Central Show Podcast Hosts

Gabe Howard is an award-winning writer and speaker who lives with bipolar and anxiety disorders. He is also one of the co-hosts of the popular show, A Bipolar, a Schizophrenic, and a Podcast. As a speaker, he travels nationally and is available to make your event stand out. To work with Gabe, please visit his website, gabehoward.com.

 

 

Vincent M. Wales is a former suicide prevention counselor who lives with persistent depressive disorder. He is also the author of several award-winning novels and creator of the costumed hero, Dynamistress. Visit his websites at www.vincentmwales.com and www.dynamistress.com.

 

 

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/tpcs-podcast-living-well-with-bipolar-disorder/

Alcoholics (Not So) Anonymous: A Mental Health Roadmap?

Maybe I should become an alcoholic.

Before you wonder whether I have had one too many gin and tonics, let me explain.

I have an uncle who has battled alcohol and drug issues for decades. When he believe a relapse is imminent, he attends an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. For him, AA has been a lifesaver, providing stability and support during particularly tumultuous times. In fact, he credits AA with his current sobriety.

For mental health sufferers, where is our “Alcoholics Anonymous?” More specifically, where is our support group for struggling individuals mired in the throes of a depressive episode? Or a relentless panic attack? A proverbial safe space where we — the 40 plus million Americans battling mental health issues — can share our mental health trials and tribulations without judgment.

For me, one of my biggest challenges has been finding a mental health support system — people who understand the daily struggles of managing my mental health. In particular, a mental health support group would have been a tremendous resource during my initial mental health diagnosis. When OCD bullied me into submission during my college years, I remember the shame and anguish churning inside me. Here I was an 18-year-old kid — in a rigorous academic program — besieged with tormenting thoughts. Without any understanding of OCD’s machinations, the thoughts felt inescapable, pinballing in my mind as I tried, futilely it seemed, to focus on something — anything — other than the barrage of negative thoughts.

I needed help. But at the time, there was a sense of apprehension — even dread — at disclosing my mental health struggles to, well, anyone (as you can see, I have gotten over that fear). As an anxiety-riddled 18-year-old, though, I worried that divulging these horrific thoughts would have far-reaching — and disastrous — consequences. A counselor would think I was “crazy”; an academic advisor would report me to the dean; an RA would contact my parents.  

In hindsight, I needed a mental health support system — and probably a bear hug. A mental health support system (our own Alcoholics Anonymous) would have provided some context on the intrusive thoughts, calming my frayed nerves (“Matt, this is just you OCD mind talking”) and providing an invaluable resource when the OCD thoughts flared up. And for me, someone who concealed OCD from loved ones for years, a mental health support system would have minimized my own shame and self-doubt.

I have learned from my fateful teenage years. Over the following years, I have cobbled together my own self-styled support system. There is the good friend from the University of Iowa Hospitals and Clinics, the friend of a friend who battles OCD, and the readers who detail their personal struggles in poignant emails. But, truthfully, building a support system hasn’t been easy; it has taken years to find a group of people I can openly discuss my mental health struggles with. And, at times, I have felt as isolated as your most remote island.

So, I repeat, why isn’t there a Mental Health Anonymous? A place where we — the 40 million plus mental health sufferers — can discuss our mental health issues without (fear of) disparagement and mockery. A place where all of us can commiserate over our shared struggles and rejoice over our shared successes. Without my current support system, I shudder to think where I would be.

Perhaps, in a sadly ironic twist, at an AA meeting lamenting the lack of mental health support.

An introduction:

A longtime Psych Central contributor, I will be chronicling my mental health insights and struggles in personal, self-deprecating terms (chuckling at yourself — and your occasional eccentricity — beats the alternative). As I blog about my own successes and stumbles, I look forward to building relationships with you.

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/alcoholics-not-so-anonymous-a-mental-health-roadmap/

7 Helpful Tips to Get Your Kids to School on Time

It’s 7:00 am and your 10 year-old was supposed to be up 15 minutes ago but is still lying in bed. The bus leaves in 10 minutes and you are the only one concerned and stressed out that she won’t be ready on time. You drag her out of bed and throw some clothes on her while you attempt to shove a cereal bar and banana into her backpack because it’s now too late to eat breakfast at home. On top of that you find yourself constantly repeating to your 8-year-old to brush his teeth, but instead he continues to play legos in his room and ignore you.

Does any of this sound familiar? Getting kids up and ready for school can be the most stressful part of your day, but it doesn’t have to be. Below are seven tips to get your kids up and ready for school on time.

1. Get as much done the night before as possible. Have your kids pick out their clothes before they go to bed. I’ve even known kids who wear their school clothes to bed. Pack lunches and water-bottles and snacks the night before too. Make sure homework is in backpacks and other items needed for school are lined up at the door ready to go like shoes and coats.
2. Have kids set their own alarm clocks. This helps your child to learn to take more responsibility for getting up in the morning and relying less on you to wake them up. Before deciding on what time to get up, have a discussion with your child about how long they need to lie in bed before getting up, how long they need to get dressed, eat breakfast and so on. This exercise teaches kids about time and how much time they really need to get ready in the morning. Help your child to set their own alarm clock every night so that they can develop a good habit.
3. Create a checklist of things to do. Some kids need a visual reminder of things they need to get done in the morning. Creating a checklist (use photos/drawings for pre-readers) can be helpful. Kids can self-monitor by looking at their checklist to see that they have done everything before heading out such as; getting dressed, brushing teeth, eating breakfast, brushing hair, etc. Keep the checklist on the mirror in the bathroom or on the front door so that kids won’t leave the house without looking at their list. Hopefully, the checklist will keep you from being a broken record repeatedly telling Johnny to brush his teeth!
4. Give incentives for getting ready on time. A simple check-mark or star next to the items on a checklist is rewarding in itself but some kids need more incentive to roll out of bed in the morning. Maybe earning extra TV or video game time is what helps motivate your child. Maybe they prefer getting mom’s phone on the drive to school. Have your child help to choose the incentive that will help them get up and going in the morning.
5. Make sure kids get to bed on time. Getting enough sleep helps kids to actually wake up in the morning. Have a “lights-out” time that works for your child’s age. Most kids need at least 8-10 hours of sleep so making sure your child goes to bed at a reasonable hour will help them to get up in the morning. Good sleep hygiene is essential in helping kids unwind and get ready for bed. This means unplugging from TV and all electronics at least one hour before bed, and doing calming activities like taking a warm bath or reading a bedtime story to help your child unwind and get in ready for sleep.
6. Use a timer for kids to help understand the concept of time. Younger kids and some older ones have no concept of what 15 minutes or 30 minutes means. Using a timer gives kids a visual for time and helps them to self-monitor their time in the morning. Having kids see and “feel” time will help them develop an inner clock to gage how long they have to get ready on time.
7. Let natural consequences happen. If your child misses the bus because he was slow getting ready in the morning let the natural consequences play out. If you live close to school, maybe that means he now has to walk or ride his bike. Maybe getting a tardy slip is enough to motivate your daughter to get up earlier for school. As a parent, we naturally want to help our children but we don’t help them if we protect them from natural consequences. This means do not rescue your child by offering them a ride or excusing the tardy. Let your child learn the hard way and let natural consequences be the motivator to do something different next time.

Mornings can be stressful for families because there is a lot to do in a short amount of time.  Getting kids up and at ’em is no easy task. Get your kids involved as much as possible so that they learn to take responsibility for getting to school on time and become less reliant on you to get them ready. Also, let natural consequences motivate your child to get up and ready in the morning. I hope these tips help you and your family have stress-free mornings.

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/7-helpful-tips-to-get-your-kids-to-school-on-time/

​Encourage Your Teen to Practice Self-Care

We have a serious problem affecting our teens and no one is talking about it. Every year, teens are facing a crisis thanks to an increase in pressure to be perfect. Competitive college programs, unpaid internships for industry entry, mountains of homework, extra curricular activities, struggles within their social group, family and home life troubles. It is enough to make anyone teen depressed.

In fact, there are disturbing statistics around teen suicide. Suicide has become the second leading cause of death among youth between the ages of 11 and 24. Stories involving children as young as 10 give heartbreaking details of a life of pain ended too soon. Clearly, something must be done.

The Importance Teaching Self-Care to Teens

Self-care has been talked about a lot in the modern age. In a time when we are constantly rushing, we have less time to ourselves even with all of our time-saving technology. However, when we look at the stresses of life, we are talking about adults.

What we rarely consider is just how much pressure our young people are under. If you take stock of their to-do list in any day, not to mention the emotional havoc that can be caused just by being a teen, you will see that there is a lot for them to deal with.

Teaching them how to balance their own needs now will help them in the future, while reducing some of the strain on their lives right now. That leads to healthier, happier, more adjusted kids.

Simple Ways Teens Can Take Part in Self-Care

How do we accomplish this feat when we ourselves so often fall short and fail to properly take care of ourselves? Here are some easy ways to get your teen and the rest of the family to practice self-care, without turning it into a fight.

Get Their Diet In Order At Home – You won’t be able to control your teen’s eating all the time. They will be eating at school, out with friends, maybe stopping here and there for snacks. But you can provide nutritious meals while they are home, cutting down the potential strain that teen obesity can create.

Set Strict No Screen Times – Everyone of every age is getting too much screen time. Setting specific periods in the day where they are not allowed can make a big difference.

Have a Meal Together – Family relationship experts believe that one of the best things you can do for your family is have a meal together at least once a day. It may be hard to fit into busy schedules, but it is worth it to create that time to reconnect as a family.

Have Family Meetings – Family meetings don’t replace the value of therapy if your teen needs it. But it is a fantastic way to connect with your family after a long week. Also, it gives everyone a chance to speak their mind, make suggestions, and just feel more in tune with everyone else.

Push Them To Sleep More – Sleep is hard to come by sometimes. But teens in particular need a lot of it. If they aren’t getting enough, they are probably not reaching their full capacity. Have them set a bedtime that you both feel is fair, and stick to it. You might just benefit from following by their example.

Invite Their Friends Over – When life gets busy, friendships can suffer. Isolation isn’t good for anyone, and neither is making your teen choose between hanging out with their friends and spending time with family. So why not combine the two? Invite friends along on family outings or encourage your teen to ask them over.

Let them Talk Without Judgement – Sometimes it is good to just get things off your chest. Your teen probably has some things they want to discuss but are afraid to talk to you about. That may be because they fear getting into trouble or just disappointing you. So assure them that they can always come to you and that you won’t judge them, only help them.

In the end, the best idea is to keep it simple and incorporate these things into your family’s lives. That way, as self-care is modeled for your children in the home, they will be more prepared to face the world when they leave to blaze their own trails.

Resources

Villanueva, Sara, Ph.D., ‘Teenage Stress’, Psychology Today, December 08, 2015, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-parent-teen/201512/teenage-stress

Vanorman, Lisa, Jarosz, Beth, ‘Suicide Replaces Homicide as Second Leading Cause of Death Among U.S Teenagers’, June 09, 2016, https://www.prb.org/suicide-replaces-homicide-second-leading-cause-death-among-us-teens/

Liahona Academy, ‘The Reality of Teen Depression [Infograpic]’, http://www.liahonaacademy.com/the-reality-of-teen-depression-infographic.html

Nauert, Rick, PhD, ‘Teen Stress Fuels Depression, Then Obesity’, https://psychcentral.com/news/2010/02/25/teen-stress-fuels-depression-then-obesity/11704.html

Michael, Raphailia, M.A, ‘What Self Care Is — And Isn’t’, https://psychcentral.com/blog/what-self-care-is-and-what-it-isnt-2/

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/%e2%80%8bencourage-your-teen-to-practice-self-care/

Arm Yourself with the Skills to Cope with Criticism

Nobody likes to be criticized, but it can be particularly difficult for individuals who are self-critical and/or socially anxious. Self-critical individuals often have high levels of unhealthy perfectionism. They frequently have ongoing internal dialogues that are harshly self-judgmental. Having someone else be critical can then act like salt to the wound and trigger feelings of shame and/or anxiety at being exposed as deficient. Individuals who are self-conscious and socially anxious are fearful of being judged and often avoid situations where they are at risk of being evaluated in some way.    

When judged, there is a tendency to be so focused on the judgement aspect that the validity of the criticism is not questioned. In the moment of being criticized all that is felt is the sense of shame and discomfort at being found lacking.

Remember that not all criticism is valid, so do question it. One needs to also question whether the criticism serves any purpose at all, even if it is valid. Most importantly, even if the criticism is valid the delivery needs to be respectful. Being deficient does not justify being disrespected. Everyone makes mistakes and has deficiencies, including the person who is being critical. Accepting that you are as human as everyone else will help you to view yourself as being a worthy person regardless of your deficiencies.

Arming oneself with effective skills will allow one to face criticism with fortitude. Done in baby steps and a self-encouraging attitude, it is very doable. The more the skills are practiced the less the criticism stings and the more empowered you become.  

Responding to criticism and diminishing the associated distress:

Criticism can present itself in different ways in our lives. Here are some ways in which one can respond to criticism:

1. When the criticism is valid, constructive and respectful in delivery it may still cause one to feel upset and anxious to some degree. To cope it would be helpful to stay focused on what the other person is saying, while you calm yourself by taking some deep slow breaths. It is likely that as the minutes tick by you will be able to focus more on what is being said and recognize that this is not an “attack”. When calmer, you will also find yourself in a better position to ask for clarification and, if the helpful criticism is not completely valid, explain your position.

2. Remember that in instances where the criticism is not fair and your behavior is within your rights, it is appropriate to clarify and explain without offering lengthy excuses or apologies. Defending yourself and not accepting unfair criticism in whatever way you see fit is your right so long as it is done with respect. This is what assertive communication is all about.

For example, if a co-worker were to say you were a tardy person when you were late to work on a rare occasion you could respond by saying “being late occasionally does not make me a tardy person.” This is likely to be challenging initially. The trick is to set small goals when you start and to say more as you become more comfortable. So, the initial goal may to speak up in situations that are less anxiety provoking and to simply object. For example, saying “I don’t agree” to a someone you are fairly comfortable with, maybe all that you aim for initially.

Do give yourself credit for taking those first steps of speaking up, even if it is brief and the situation is not too challenging. Remember to not beat up on yourself if you do not speak up in more challenging situations as you move forward in your journey to becoming more assertive. As the distress in such situations begins to decrease you will be able to move towards addressing more challenging settings.

3. When the criticism is invalid, unnecessary and given disrespectfully, it would very naturally trigger considerable distress. At such times, it would be good to follow the strategy of focusing on calming yourself initially. This can vary from doing slow breathing exercises, to counting backwards or focusing on something extraneous to distract yourself from the unpleasant situation.

If you find yourself in a situation where your emotional response is intense, leave the situation if possible and go to a private place, where you can take some time to calm yourself before returning to the situation. You also have the option to respond to the criticism by saying that you would like to think about what has been said and talk about it later. It is okay to not respond immediately, to take your time to reduce distress, figure out the best course of action and respond when you are ready. It is important to give yourself permission to respond later and not be hard on yourself for not responding immediately, especially in the earlier phases of skill building.

4. Sometimes, in the case of manipulative and emotionally abusive persons the intention of the criticism is get you to react and get upset. In such cases ignoring or not reacting would be the best way to go.

5. Agreeing with bullies is another strategy that can knock the wind out of their sails since it demonstrates that you are not taking them seriously. Typically, such individuals nitpick and point out deficiencies or mistakes that everyone makes including themselves! So, agreeing to the mistakes and deficiencies is no weakness but an attitude of “I have these deficiencies and make these mistakes, so what?”

6. Sometimes unhealthy criticisms are indirect. They can be conveyed through facial expressions and body language. At other times criticism are veiled and implied. In such instances, it would be good to ask for clarifications. For example, if someone were to state that they dislike your line of work or profession without addressing you directly you could ask them to explain what they mean. This causes such people to experience the discomfort of explaining their passively aggressive statements and not repeat these kinds of veiled attacks.

7. When people make blanket judgmental criticisms, it is also good to ask for clarification. For example, if a friend were to say that you are always selfish, asking them to specify the instances that demonstrate your selfishness would help create room for clarification and problem solving.

8. When one is being criticized in the presence of other people a big part of the distress is associated with the sense of being shamed in the presence of other people. The criticism then takes on a collective quality where the judgment causes one to feel isolated into a shamed corner. However, the reality is that it is the person who is displaying the unkind behavior who gets judged for bad behavior by others. The person who is the target of disrespectful behavior usually gains the support, of those who witness such behavior whether the criticism is valid or not.

Learn from it or let it roll off your back.

Hilary Rodham Clinton once said, “Take criticism seriously, but not personally. If there is truth or merit in the criticism, try to learn from it. Otherwise, let it roll right off you.”

This can be easier said than done. If you have difficulty dealing with criticism, you are not alone. Nobody likes criticism or dealing with it. However, negative feedback can be valuable teachers too. Sifting the worthwhile from the toxic feedback and learning how to deal with criticism will allow you to be well-armed in the battle of life. The more you practice and hone your skills of dealing with criticism the easier it becomes to stay strong and remain self-accepting.   

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/arm-yourself-with-the-skills-to-cope-with-criticism/