How to Build an Ethical Social Media Presence

I began my social media adventure about a year ago. I decided that I had much to share on a variety of topics, but not a wide enough medium to do so. My apprehensions were very similar to those most therapists have. How will I handle it if a person contacts me about personal issues? How can I maintain a therapeutic framework on social media? How do I balance my authenticity with the ethical demands of psychotherapy? How do I incorporate ethics, while still promoting my services and expertise?

The good news is that while these are important questions to ask and answer, we can do so along the way, while we’re learning. We can’t learn how to be an ethical psychotherapist on social media if we put off starting. Be it a Facebook page, Instagram account, Twitter, LinkedIn, YouTube-or whatever social media outlet you choose – it just may be time to start!

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Any currently practicing psychotherapist is doing so in the digital era, and this involves exploring the different opportunities that the digital realm has to offer. Among other possibilities, it may involve diving into online marketing or offering digital content in the form of webinars and e-courses. It may also means engaging with potential clients by providing them with resources for maintaining and improving their mental health. In this sense, it is about making your knowledge accessible to a wide audience in an ethical fashion that benefits your practice, your brand, and your followers.

So, how exactly do we do all this while at the same time generating ethical mental health content for our audience? The first thing to consider is establishing your boundaries by asking yourself the following questions:

• What are you comfortable doing? Maybe you’re an exceptional writer and can create helpful blog posts on LinkedIn or on your own web page. Or, if you are a talented speaker, you can make YouTube videos or short Instagram stories to talk about a specific mental health or therapeutic topic. Tap into whatever it is that you excel in and find a social media outlet that’s a good fit for your talents and strengths.
• What are you not comfortable doing? This looks different for everyone. For some, it might consist of posting photos of themselves or their family on social media-or showing pictures of their private practice office. For others, it might be addressing a mental health issue, because you don’t know who is receiving this information and how they are using it. Take a look at some of the big social media profiles out there, follow and analyze what they’re doing. How do you feel about their strategies?
• How much of yourself are you willing to show to others? Whenever I write or talk about authenticity or vulnerability, I rely upon Brené Brown’s wisdom. In her latest book, Dare to Lead, she teaches us that being authentic and/or vulnerable is not synonymous with disclosing private personal information. Rather, it is about presenting yourself as vulnerable and tapping into people’s emotional needs from a place of empathy. That “authenticity sweet spot” looks and feels different for each therapist, and the only way to learn about and advertise your own is by opening yourself up to experimenting and making mistakes. And this may mean challenging yourself to step out of your comfort zone.

The second step is to communicate these expectations to your audience. I’ve received many direct messages on social media requesting a “mini-session”, but my disclaimer is very clear; “I do not provide therapy via Instagram. Here is my contact if you’d like to schedule an appointment.”

Another excellent resource I learned thanks to Dr. Keely Holmes is to offer a social media policy on your website. This policy might include the following:

• The reasoning as to why you don’t accept friend requests from clients.
• Clarification that if a client follows you on social media, you might want to briefly discuss what this entails in your next session.
• A request to not use social media or open messaging apps to communicate, and specify which channels are allowed (e-mail, phone, etc.).
• Clarification as to why you can’t use patient testimonials on social media or on your website.

In this digital era, where boundaries are often so easily blurred, it’s important to maintain an authentic and transparent presence with our clients. This type of document not only protects you, it also protects them.

Hopefully, these suggestions will help you to reframe your ideas about ethics in the social media era and answer a few of the questions I raised earlier on. Having a social media presence doesn’t have to be daunting. Forewarned is forearmed. It’s about being open to learning and showcasing your knowledge, skills and talent to a wide audience. Are YOU ready to take the leap?  

from http://www.psychotherapy.net/blog/title/how-to-build-an-ethical-social-media-presence

Why You Can’t Slow Down

You know exactly what you need to do to slow down. You need to meditate. You need to sit on the couch, and catch a breather. You need to say no to additional assignments and commitments. You need to practice yoga, and take a few days off.

But you can’t.

In fact, you ramp up your workload instead. You hustle even harder. You pack your schedule even tighter.

And, when you stop for a bit, if you actually stop for a bit, you wonder, Why? Why can’t I slow down? Why is resting so hard for me?

For starters, slowing down is getting harder and harder in our culture, because our society worships busyness. It has become a medal of honor.

Rest and relaxation are seen as treats and rewards, which only come after we’ve worked hard enough, said Panthea Saidipour, LCSW, a Manhattan psychotherapist who works with professionals in their 20s and 30s who want to gain a deeper understanding of themselves.

For many of us, keeping busy is a source of pride, “a kind of ‘I can do it all’ mentality,” said Katrina Taylor, LMFT, a psychotherapist in Austin, Texas, who specializes in helping men and women address childhood and traumatic experiences that may be holding them back from living a full and meaningful life.

Keeping busy can stem from the desire to be seen by others as competent, capable and even perfect—and slowing down may spark feelings of inadequacy and shame, Taylor said.

Slowing down may spark other unpleasant emotions, such as boredom, loneliness and guilt, Taylor said. Ramping up our activities and tasks is simply another way to avoid sitting with those uncomfortable feelings, she said.

Your inability to slow down may have deeper roots: Maybe you were the organized, competent one in your family in charge of many of the chores and tasks. Maybe you’re the oldest and acted as a caretaker (and still do). “To slow down may threaten both [your] sense of self as strong and capable and bring up fear that important people in [your] life will no longer respond with validation,” Taylor said.

Similarly, you might’ve witnessed your parents or caregivers valuing themselves only after they accomplished something, Saidipour said. Or you might’ve seen a parent slow down because of painful reasons, like depression, she said. “These serve as powerful models for us…” 

You also might equate slowing down “with being left behind in the dust, and staying busy could be a way of trying to keep up with everyone else, or even leave others behind in their dust,” Saidipour said.

For people who’ve experienced difficult childhoods, such as abuse or neglect, “staying busy can be [an unconscious] way of frantically trying to maintain a sense of being real and alive.” Because, at the core, you experience a profound dread or emptiness. “All of the external doing and busyness could be a way of trying to build some external structure to counteract the internal emptiness, but it never quite seems to fill the void.” (This is when therapy is especially powerful.)

If you’d like to examine why you can’t slow down, Taylor and Saidipour shared these suggestions for delving deeper.

Slow down. “The best way to figure out what purpose a given behavior serves for us is to stop doing it and see what happens,” Taylor said. She understands that this is easier said than done, but it is invaluable.

She suggested pausing for periods of time during the day to do absolutely nothing—and observing what happens. Try to sit with whatever feeling comes up, instead of turning to your phone or some other device or task to distract yourself.

Do you feel bored, lonely, anxious, disappointed, sad or guilty? Do you feel something completely different? Does this feeling feel familiar? Do you feel a tug to escape the feeling right now? Why?

Explore your busyness. Think about the “role busyness serves in your life,” Taylor said. “Is it a habitual repetition of a role you played as a child? If so, how do you want to relate to that pattern?”

Saidipour suggested exploring: when and how your busyness started; how it’s been helpful for you; how it’s been an obstacle; and whether you associate it with anyone in your life.

Explore slowing down. Saidipour suggested asking yourself these questions about slowing down: “What’s been happening in your life leading up to [the] times [that you’ve slowed down]? Did you choose to slow down or did you have no choice at all? (Sometimes our bodies and minds get so exhausted that we’re forced to slow down.) Either way, what did it feel like for you?”

Consider others. Think about the important people in your life, and how your busyness affects them, Taylor said. Ask them directly about how they “experience your difficulty with slowing down.”

For instance, Taylor consistently sees busy people struggling with intimacy. “They keep busy and avoid slowing down so they don’t have to get close to others.” (This is helpful to explore in therapy.)

Slowing down looks different for every person. So it’s important to find what works well for you. The key is that slowing down connects you to yourself “in a way that feels embodied and enlivening,” and helps you become aware of your thoughts, feelings and actions, said Saidipour.

For some people, slowing down is practicing yoga. For some, it’s connecting to a creative process, such as baking, writing or painting. For others, though it might seem counterintuitive, it’s running or hiking, which “frees up space so that the mind can wander and become contemplative.”

The reasons why you can’t slow down “are as multifaceted and unique as you are,” Saidipour said. You story is no doubt nuanced and complex. Which is why it’s essential to examine the narratives you use to live your life, who wrote these stories for you, and how you keep writing yourself “into the same role over and over again,” Saidipour said.

“Coming to know and understand the stories we’ve been carrying inside can help us become the authors of our lives going forward.”

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/why-you-cant-slow-down/

My Top 10 Tips to Start the New Year Right

“Hope smiles from the threshold of the year to come, whispering ‘It will be happier’…” – Alfred Lord Tennyson

Welcome to 2019. It’s time to start the New Year right. All the procrastination, stuffing yourself, indulging to excess, staying up too late — that’s got to go. Replace those bad habits and pure laziness with healthier behaviors.

Trust me. It’s not that difficult. I’ve done each of these tips myself and can attest to their effectiveness.

So, if you want to jumpstart a pattern of living life to the fullest, feeling joy and fulfillment as well as peace, some of my top 10 tips to start the New Year right may be just what you need.

1. Set Your Priorities

You must set your own priorities. Never let others do this for you. The corollary to this advice is to never allow others to impose their priorities on you. To live according to someone else’s wishes is no way to enjoy life. That’s a charade, not something you want to pursue.

When you make your own choices, prioritizing what’s important and what’s not, you’re in control. This is a top recommendation for starting off the new year right.

2. Be Accountable

Remember that what you do has consequences. Every word and action you take has reverberations, many of which you may never know about. People look up to you and model their behaviors after yours. Live with integrity, owning your responsibilities as well as your faults, making good on the mistakes you’ve made.

3. Prize Self-Improvement

Make it a point to continually improve. This means doing some proactive activity on a daily basis. Whether it’s learning a new skill, taking a class, getting involved in a hobby, working on interpersonal communication or something else, self-improvement is integral to living a vibrant, purposeful life.

The goal is to achieve the best you can, to be the best person you can be. With this as your daily goal, you’re bound to see incremental gains. For example, you’ll feel more empowered, confident and hopeful. These are small signs you’re on the right path toward meaningful change, one small step at a time.

4. Know Your Limitations

In your drive to improve yourself, keep in mind that you must know your limitations. This doesn’t mean that you don’t push past your comfort zone. You need to do that to grow. Definitely push, but not too far. How do you know when you’ve gotten to that point? Avoid the feeling of pain, yet accept that minor pressure means you’re probably approaching the boundary of what you can comfortably accept right now. You can venture beyond that point the next time, having added the confidence you’ve achieved from getting this far.

5. Recognize Opportunities

You can train yourself to recognize opportunities. In fact, being able to identify an opportunity is the first step toward success in any new endeavor. Remember, too, that opportunities are often cloaked or hidden. They may be a side benefit to accomplishing some other task, even an everyday one. The key is to be on the lookout for what you might be able to utilize or pursue. Readiness is important in seizing opportunities, as is the willingness to do what it takes once you’ve recognized them.

6. Rely on Your Strengths

There are going to be rough times, periods when the only thing you’ve got going for you is your inner strength. This is what you call on to get you through problems, tragedies, pain, sorrow and suffering. It’s also your inner strength that will help you navigate complex situations, difficult challenges and obstacles.

7. Maintain Balance

It’s important to maintain a sense of balance in life. If you veer too far out in one area, rein it in. It doesn’t matter if its work-home balance, or diet-exercise-sleep balance, or another kind of balance. What does matter is keeping things in harmony. Lack of sleep and pushing yourself mercilessly won’t result in success. Just the opposite, in fact. But maintaining good self-care, recognizing stress and employing adequate coping strategies, taking time for fun and relaxation — these will help you maintain balance. Now’s as good a time as any to get started.

8. Be Genuine in Relationships

One of the most powerful resources you have can be summed up in one word: relationships. But just having mere acquaintances isn’t enough. To gain the most from relationships, you need to be genuine at all times. No faking it or merely mouthing words you think others want to hear. Also, stop talking and listen. A key aspect of being genuine is learning to be an active listener.

9. Speak Clearly

How many times have you thought one thing and said another? It’s no wonder others misinterpret your intentions. You’re not being clear. People aren’t mind readers. If you want to convey something, speak clearly. It’s also important to say what you mean and do what you say. This builds personal integrity, inspires trust and makes others view you as reliable.

10. Dream Big

Was last year a time when you gave up on something that you once thought important? If so, maybe it’s time to revisit that dream or goal. Just because you may have believed the time wasn’t right before doesn’t mean the opportunity is lost forever. With respect to goals and dreams in general, dare to dream big. Nothing inspires and motivates like a heartfelt goal. Consider the fact that if it means so much to you, it’s something to aspire to and figure out ways to bring the dream or goal to reality. This last part is vital. It’s not enough to dream. You must be willing to act on your intention.

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/my-top-10-tips-to-start-the-new-year-right/

5 Sure-Fire Ways to Keep New Year’s Resolutions

The new year is here and you know what’s coming. Family members, friends and coworkers will ask, “What are your resolutions this year?” Usually it’s just an idle conversation starter. But sometimes they are seriously interested, which may mean to you that you need to get serious about making one. Or not. The very idea may make you annoyed, anxious or even depressed.

Whatever your reaction, the questions do raise awareness of the yearly ritual. Maybe, just maybe, it’s time to do something to improve your life.

The trouble with those New Years’ resolutions is that they are notoriously hard to keep. In fact, research about the success rate (yes, people do research these things) is pretty grim. About 80% or more of resolutions fail by February; most in the first 48 hours! And yet 45% or more of Americans admit to making them. Even those who don’t actually make them do generally muse about whether they should or could. Sadly, ff we believe the research, those who do are only setting themselves up to fail.

Why then do so many people even bother? It seems to be in our DNA. The ritual of setting new goals for ourselves at New Years goes all the way back to ancient Roman times. January is named for the Roman god, Janus, the god of transitions; beginnings and endings. On ancient Roman vases and statues he has two faces: One that looks forward to the future and one looks back to the past.

On December 31, the Romans are said to have believed that Janus was doing what most of us do — looking back over the prior year and forward to the new one. It was a time for people to forgive others for whatever needed forgiving from the past and to make promises to do better in the new year.

We may not worship Janus, but there is something in human nature that finds the idea that we can start over on just about anything on January 1st compelling. We’ve been doing it for over 2,000 years.

What defeats people’s good intentions? Generally, it’s the very human trait of over-thinking. Over-thinking can make us discouraged about our ability to tackle the very issue we want to tackle. Over-thinking can make us feel terrible about the fact that we have let something go for so long that we need to do something about it. Let’s face it: It feels awful if you haven’t lost that weight or if you haven’t called your friends for months. You may feel guilty or ashamed or even scared if you haven’t stopped drinking or smoking too much.

If all that doesn’t make it difficult enough, over-thinking about making even a positive change can also be anxiety-provoking. Sometimes it feels like it is better not to try than to try and fail. It’s understandable that you might not even want to start.

Even so — just maybe this can be the year when you can be one of the success stories. Just maybe you can take a deep breath and give it a try. After all, 20% of those who make resolutions do stick to them. Maybe you can too. What does research tell us about the difference between those that succeed and those that fail?

When I looked into it, I found many studies that outlined steps that were too numerous or too complicated. I’ve therefore taken the liberty of summarizing what I discovered to keep it as simple as possible.

1. Focus on the solution instead of the problem. Ruminating about the problem or telling yourself how hard it would be to change will defeat you before you even start. Focus on the resolution that just might be the solution. 
2. Set intermediate goals: Forget about setting a goal for a whole year. The pay-off is too far off. Instead, set a goal for the month, the week, or even the next day or two. When success is within reach, it is far easier to stay on track. Experiencing success will give you the boost you need to repeat your plan.
3. Keep the goal small and doable: You may want to run a marathon but the idea is daunting. Instead, focus on starting a running program with an easy power walk around the block.
4. Make a concrete plan: Vague plans can be put off too easily. Instead of “I’ll go to the gym next week”, say something like, “I’ll go to the gym on Tuesday and Thursday at 5:00 for 1 hour.
5. Allow for slips. A slip from the plan is not an indication that you can’t succeed. It is just a bump on a bumpy road. Acknowledge the slip. Review your plan and get back on track.

Yes. It is difficult to change a habit. If it were easy, there wouldn’t be hundreds or articles on the web about how to do it. It is only human to want to avoid an issue that seems discouraging or painful; especially if you tried and failed at it already. But please remember: Since you are alive, you have solved other problems in the course of your life. You do have what it takes to solve this one if you give it honest effort. January 1 is as good a time as any to start. (And if that doesn’t work, there’s always January 2 or 3 or 4 …)

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-sure-fire-ways-to-keep-new-years-resolutions/

Best of Our Blogs: January 1, 2019

It’s hard to believe we’re at the beginning of a new year. While we say goodbye to 2018, I want to thank you for being here with me.

I’ve read a lot of posts. I’ve learned a ton about mental health and psychology. And I’ve had the opportunity to take what I’ve garnered here, and grow personally and professionally.

I don’t know what 2019 will bring, but I’m grateful for 2018 and all its hardships, challenges and blessings.

My wish is that you will continue to grow, heal and take of yourself so you can help others and the world.

Happy New Year!

Feel Guilty In Your Relationship With Your Parents? Use This Technique
(Childhood Emotional Neglect) – Don’t bring your guilt into 2019. Here’s a four step system to help you manage it.

Why Daughters of Narcissistic/Difficult Mothers Mistake Anxiety For Love
(The Good Daughter Syndrome) – This looks at the underlying reason why you’re unlucky in love.

What’s in a Word: Asperger’s and the APA
(Unapologetically Aspie) – It’s all the questions you’ve always wanted to ask about Asperger’s and the DSM.

The Most Important Thing You Can Do Going Into The New Year
(Thoughts of a Therapist) – It’s not what you’d expect nor is it easy to do, but according to this therapist, it will do you a lot of good in 2019.

Foster Kids Should Never Have to “Appreciate What You’re Doing For Them”
(Childhood Behavioral Concerns) – This is a must-read for parents of foster kids.

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/best-of-our-blogs-january-1-2019/

Here’s to a New Year & a New Start in 2019

I won’t be sad to see 2018 leave.

It’s been a rough year. For the country. For mental health advocates. For the public mental health system in America. And for me personally.

I’m not sure where to begin. But I’m pretty certain where this will end.

When every day becomes a chore, and every morning a challenge to wake up to, you know you’re at your wit’s end. 2018 was a lot like that for me. Despite the joys — such as celebrating my 15th wedding anniversary with my wife back in Antigua — it was hard to find some glimmer of light in the darkness.

You see, my Dad lost his battle with Parkinson’s disease in 2018, in the evening of November 28th. He’d been living with the disease for over 20 years, so it’s not like we didn’t know this was coming. And it’s not like he didn’t have a full and fulfilling life. It’s just that the end, when it comes, is always hard. It’s always sad. No matter how much you think you’ve prepared yourself for it.

What still disturbs me is the long, hard wait in hospice care while he lay there, unable to open his eyes, much less speak. The last few weeks of his life were spent largely in unconsciousness. His body held on tight, even while his mind had let go long ago.

The way I remember Paul, my Dad, is as a fun-loving, personable, and friendly man, a guy who could talk to you all day about anything you wanted and make you feel at ease.

Paul enjoyed his professional sports teams. He was a good man and a good Dad. It was easy to have him in my life, to share memories with him as two adults in this journey of life together.

So this fall, in trying to cope with his deteriorating condition and move into a nursing home and then into hospice care, I’ve been kind of living in a fog. I’ve been on auto-pilot often, or plowing myself into work and tasks that need to be done but I’ve had no heart to do. Emotionally, I’ve been all over the map. Losing a parent does that to a person, no matter how close you were or weren’t to them.

A New Year, A New Start

New Year’s is, of course, just another day in an arbitrary calendar year — a calendar set up by some clever guy who also happened to be quite powerful at the time, Pope Gregory XIII. We humans make a big deal about it out of tradition and a need to believe we all have the chance to start over. To begin again, anew. Well, at least once a year. A sort of societal cleansing of all the bad things that happened over the past 365 days.

From that perspective, I couldn’t be more on board.

A new start is just what the doctor ordered, not just for those of us who’ve lost a loved one in the past year. But for everyone who’s been struggling with their depression, with their mental health concerns, or just with their lives.

I had hoped I could wish you a happy new year, but it’s hard to imagine happiness in a world without Paul in it. I know that day will come… In due time.

However, I can and do wish you a peaceful and hopeful new year. And I wish that it is better and offers you more possibilities than 2018 did.

Here’s to you, 2019. Peace.

 

In Memory of My Dad

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/heres-to-a-new-year-a-new-start-in-2019/

Overcoming Stigma Associated with Mental Illness

Our society has come a long way in reducing the stigma around mental illness, but we still have a long way to go. Many misconceptions and stereotypes relating to mental illness still exist.

So why does it matter? Stigma can impact people’s desire to seek treatment. Stigma can cause those with mental health disorders to isolate themselves or develop negative thoughts and perceptions. It can also impact access to evidence-based treatment options.

We all can make an impact in our communities and society to reduce stigma. Read on to learn more about how to reduce self-stigma and public stigma around mental health disorders.

Why Is There Stigma Surrounding Mental Illness?

Stigma often comes from a fear, misunderstanding, or misinformation. Some portrayals in the media and on TV shows and movies don’t always get the facts right when it comes to mental illness. Nor do they provide audiences with a well-balanced view of mental illness.

Some stigma may be rooted in societies and cultures. For example, some societies used to believe presence of a mental illness was a sign of the devil. There are other beliefs that mental illness is a sign of weakness. Again, such beliefs are often due to a lack of information.

There’s also a lot of misinformation people access, and some of them share their inaccurate findings, spreading false information (and stigma) to others. No matter the reason for the stigma, it’s good for you to know how to reduce mental health stigma.

If You Have a Mental Health Disorder

Rather than letting people get information about mental illness from the wrong sources, those who have been officially diagnosed with a mental illness can talk openly about their diagnosis, if they feel comfortable. Those who hold stigmas may lack an understanding of what it means to have bipolar disorder, clinical anxiety or clinical depression.

Your own stigmas may prevent you from seeking treatment. Getting treatment is the first step. Treatment can help you recover and live a healthy, fulfilling life.

Additionally, connecting with others with mental illness helps dismantle stigma. Mental illness often has a way of making people feel isolated. Talking about your illness with others who have mental illnesses creates a sense of community and the peace of mind that comes with knowing you aren’t alone.

Also, don’t hesitate to reach out to your family and friends for emotional and mental support. Those closest to you may harbor their own secret stigmas about mental illness. Knowing someone close to them is struggling can change their minds for the better. They may even share and spread what you share with them, helping to end stigma further. If you’re hesitant to talk with your loved ones, consult your mental health counselor. They can offer advice on how to have a meaningful, open conversation.

What You Can Do

Those who may not have a mental illness can help to reduce the public stigma associated with mental illness, which in turn can help reduce self-stigma someone with a mental illness may feel.

We’ve come a long way in regards to understanding mental illness. New developments are being made in mental health treatment, and it’s good to be aware of useful, factual information regarding mental illness. More importantly, it paves the way for evidence-based therapies and treatment options. Organizations like the National Alliance on Mental Illness are great places to go for information.

If you know someone who has a mental illness and they are willing to share with you, listen to their story. Use it as a learning opportunity. You never know when you may have the opportunity to teach someone else.

Education is important, but there are other things you can do to help reduce stigma associated with mental illness.

• Person-first language: Rather than saying “mentally ill person” use “person with a mental illness.” Disorders should not be used as adjectives, e.g., depressed person.
• Compassion: Lend an open ear. You may not know what someone is going through.
• TV and media: If you see perpetuations of stigma on TV or on social media, speak out. You can do so in a respectful way.
• Perception: Just like we treat physical illnesses, we have to treat mental illnesses. We place importance on seeing a PCD for physical checkups, and we need to check in on our mental health too.
• Community involvement: If you feel inspired, take part in local events, work with organizations, and talk with legislators to help raise awareness about mental illness.

Mental health needs to be a priority, and it’s on all of us to make a difference.

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/overcoming-stigma-associated-with-mental-illness/