Feeling Lonely at College

There’s nothing so bad as feeling alone in a crowd. When you first get to college, it can feel like a pretty overwhelming event. Sure, you get to meet a lot of new people, some of who may even become your friends.

But when you’re alone at night in your room, the feeling of deep loneliness can creep in as you realize there’s no one here that really knows you. And being that lonely while at university can really mess with your head.

Surrounded by strangers, many of who seem more comfortable with the situation than you, all you can do is smile and try and fit in. It’s scary not having your friends and family close by any longer. You can’t just go over someone’s house and hang out. You can keep up-to-date with them on Instagram or Facebook, but doing so just multiplies your feelings of loneliness, rather than making them go away.

Talking to your new roommates or hallmates is cool. But they don’t really know you (yet), and it seems like you’re not going to get along with all of them. In fact, you can already tell one is going to annoy the hell out of you.

Things to Do to Combat Loneliness at College

There are a few things you can try to help keep loneliness at bay while at college. I can’t say these things are going to work for you, but some of them have worked for some people.

1. Make new friends.

The number one way to deal with your lonely feelings is to make new friends at college. They don’t have to replace your other friends, but you do need people that you can count on and share college times with when at school. Most people make new friends at college through dorm life, a specific class where they sit next to people who seem similar, or through classes that require classmate interactivity (such as a lab partner). Others make friends through extracurricular activities, such as fraternities and sororities, band, sports, or theater. There are literally more opportunities you will have to make friends at college than at virtually any other point in your entire life. Take advantage of them.

2. Focus on the course work and studying.

Some new university students put their heads down into the course work in order to keep feelings of loneliness at bay. This is a good strategy, as long as it’s not taken to an unhealthy extreme. Yes, college is all about academic learning, but it’s also just as importantly all about social learning too. The process of making new adult friends is a valuable one to go through, because it’s a skill you’ll use (and need!) for the rest of your life. So while you can go to the library or a study area in order to feel less lonely, don’t rely on that too heavily.

3. Call someone.

Yeah, yeah, I know… calling is a hassle. Texting is so much easier, or hitting them up on your favorite social app. You can try doing that too. But also try reaching out by calling someone too. Hearing someone’s actual voice seems to trigger different neuropsychological processes in our brains than simply texting. Talking to another person whom you share a connection with can make you feel not so alone in the world and remind you of the positive times you’ve shared together.

4. Explore new passions… and yourself.

Out on your own for the first time ever? Now may be the ideal time to begin exploring who you really are and what makes you tick. You’ve been under other people’s expectations and beliefs for so long, you may have made their passions and likes yours. Now’s the time to find out whether they truly are, and discover things that make you feel special. It could be volunteering your time, joining a social club, college governance, or exploring a hobby, the outdoors, or other activity. Try out new things you’ve never tried before! Remember, too, that nobody knows anything about you, so you’re welcomed to be yourself.

5. Go home.

If you’re geographically close to home, take an occasional trip home. Don’t let such trips become a crutch as you learn to become independent. But do use them as a re-energizing resource (think “energy drink”) when you’re feeling especially down or lonely.

6. Talk to a peer or professional.

If the feelings of loneliness are so strong that they begin to interfere with your academic work or your hygiene (forgot the last time you took a shower?), it may be time to seek out more help. (Our loneliness quiz can help you determine how lonely you are.) You can check out a free online support group for informal help, or check in with your university’s counseling center for free psychotherapy. There may also be additional free resources that your counseling center can direct you to.

Things NOT to Do to Combat Loneliness

Just as there are a few things you can do to help alleviate feelings of loneliness, there are some things that are likely to increase your isolation and actually make you feel more lonely.

1. Play video games endlessly.

While the inclination to play endless video games may be strong, realize that this is largely just a way to kill time outside of life. Gaming in set amounts (like no more than an hour a day while in college) is a fine way to relieve stress and enjoy oneself. Spending an entire weekend gaming (instead of studying, hanging with friends, etc.) is too often used as an escape from dealing with messiness in life — feelings, loneliness, socializing, etc. Recognize the difference.

2. Going home every weekend.

Going home once in a while, if you’re able, is a great coping mechanism to help relieve stress and loneliness. Going home regularly as a means of not having to deal with making new friends and your feelings is eventually going to cause more harm than good. If a part of college life is learning to be independent, going home so regularly is fostering your existing dependence on home life. Separate yourself out from it and live on your own.

3. Doing drugs or alcohol to excess regularly.

Every college student is entitled to experiment a little with substances they may have not previously tried or had much access to while at home. The key is “a little,” as drugs and alcohol can quickly become a way of not dealing with things, rather than enhancing your life. Partying with others is fine, drinking alone is not.

Also, be on the lookout for something more than loneliness in yourself. Things like depression and anxiety are more common among college students, especially first-time students who haven’t spent any significant time away from home prior to university.

You can defeat feelings of loneliness while at school. Just remember that you need to take active steps to do so, otherwise the feelings can easily overwhelm you and make you feel even worse.

Need more? Please read my article, Coping with Being a College Student: College Life or this helpful essay, What To Do When You Feel Lonely.

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2017/09/06/feeling-lonely-at-college/