Everything Happens for a Reason—And Other Things Not to Say When Tragedy Strikes

“Well, it’s the good kind of cancer. You will be better soon.”

Those are the words Elizabeth Gillette heard from some people when she was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma at 21 years old. She would need several rounds of chemotherapy followed by radiation treatment. She was terrified — and shocked to hear anyone refer to her cancer as good.

These “responses effectively closed me off to having any further conversation with them because I knew they didn’t understand how scared I was feeling,” said Gillette, LCSW, now an attachment-focused therapist, who specializes in working with individuals and couples as their families grow.

“You can always try again.”

Those are the words Gillette’s clients have heard from family and friends after sharing they’d suffered a miscarriage.

“God doesn’t give us anything we can’t handle.”

This is another unhelpful response. It “implies that the person must handle the situation well and if they are having a tough time, it must mean something about them and their abilities,” Gillette said.

“At least you have your health,” “At least they’re no longer in pain,” “I know how you feel, I’ve lost ______. Or “I’m dealing with this hard thing too.”

These are other examples of phrases that can be hurtful, according to Laura Torres, LPC, a holistic mental health counselor who loves supporting people in navigating anxiety, stress, self-worth issues, relationship challenges and life transitions.

When something terrible happens to someone, we yearn to be supportive. We yearn to say the right things. But often we just blurt out inappropriate things (like the above) and clichés like “Everything happens for a reason,” or “Of course, it’ll be OK; don’t worry.”

In trying to be helpful, we say things we think will be positive, encouraging and optimistic, but end up coming across as callous. Sometimes, we try to distract the person or shift the focus to ourselves, Torres said. And that doesn’t help either.

Sometimes we don’t say anything at all, she said.

We think that if we acknowledge the pain someone is experiencing, we’ll only make it worse. We also turn to clichés because we’re uncomfortable with pain. “I think our ability to be with someone else’s pain and vulnerability is a direct reflection of our ability to be with our own pain,” Torres said. “If we feel shame around our own tenderness, we are going to try to fix or avoid it in others.”

Whatever our reasons, any time we try to reassure someone, fix the situation or ignore it altogether, “it can feel dismissive and invalidating,” Torres said. We send the message that their pain is not OK. It is “not welcome in the context of this relationship.”

We essentially tell the person: “I don’t want to hear that you’re sad right now; let’s focus on something happier, because this is making me uncomfortable,” Gillette said. We essentially tell them that we don’t want to have a real conversation about their experience, she said.

We also send another damaging message: You better hold it together. Which is exactly what people try to do. They try to deal with their pain and heartache on their own. They try to push through. They do this so the people around them can feel more comfortable, Torres said. “As you can imagine, this can add layers of emotion, [such as] resentment, sadness, frustration, guilt on top of the initial pain, which is why I think we often don’t reach out for support.”

Offering genuine support doesn’t have to be complicated. These tips can help.

Just listen. “When we are struggling, what we really need is to feel seen, heard, and know that we are not alone,” Torres said. “We need someone to just sit there and be with us in our pain rather than trying to make it go away.”

In fact, being present with a person’s pain is the most loving thing we can do, Gillette said.

Torres shared this poignant quote from Love Warrior by Glennon Doyle Melton, which speaks to this: “We think our job as humans is to avoid pain, our job as parents is to protect our children from pain, and our job as friends is to fix each other’s pain…people who are hurting don’t need Avoiders, Protectors, or Fixers. What we need are patient, loving witnesses. People to sit quietly and hold space for us. People to stand in helpless vigil to our pain.”

Honor their experience. According to Gillette, you might say something like: “I am so sorry you are experiencing this. I want you to know I am here and will continue to be here. I will check on you in a couple of days to see how you’re doing.” She noted that this honors the person’s experience, instead of dismissing it or trying to change it.

Anticipate their needs. Asking someone what they need might make them even more overwhelmed, so it’s important to try to anticipate their needs, and meet them. For instance, when tragedy strikes, people usually aren’t thinking about day-to-day needs, such as grocery shopping or dinner or laundry or who’s taking the kids to school.

According to Gillette, you might say: “I would love to cook dinner for your family. Would it be better to come by on Saturday or Sunday to drop it off on the porch for you?”

Seek out additional resources. If you’d like to read more on this topic, Gillette loves the book There Is No Good Card for This: What to Say and Do When Life is Scary, Awful, and Unfair to People You Love by Kelsey Crowe and Emily McDowell.

When tragedy strikes, it’s understandable that we don’t know what to say. Even therapists get tongue-tied. “I know that I have held back or turned to clichés when I’m stuck in trying to say the right or perfect thing to support someone,” Torres said. And that’s OK.

The individuals who made unhelpful comments to Gillette weren’t trying to hurt her. It had nothing to do with them not caring. They also were shocked and scared, and in their distress insensitive words stumbled out. Which Gillette now understands.

“There is no perfect thing to say that will make things better,” Torres said. “All we have to do is show up and be there with our love and tenderness.”

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/everything-happens-for-a-reason-and-other-things-not-to-say-when-tragedy-strikes/

Podcast: From Tragedy to Transformation – How a Psychologist is Born

Linda Meyers was twenty-eight and the mother of three young boys when her mother, after a lifetime of threats, died by suicide. Staggered by conflicting feelings of relief and remorse, she believed that the best way to give meaning to her mother’s death was to make changes to her own life. Bolstered by the women’s movement of the seventies, she left her marriage, went to college, started a successful family acting business, and established a fulfilling career. She recounts all of this in a memoir titled The Tell, and speaks candidly with our hosts to share her fascinating and inspiring story.

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Linda Meyers Show Highlights:

“It was a very very special time, because I had the support of Betty Friedan, of Gloria Steinem, of the whole women’s movement.” ~ Linda Meyers

[1:45]   What was it like for a woman in college in the 70s?

[2:55]   The impact of her mother’s suicide.

[9:10]   Being a psychologist as a kid.

[11:25] Was there discrimination in the classroom?

[13:44] The boy who became Ralph Lauren.

[15:24] The family acting business.

 

 

About Our Guest

Linda I. Meyers is a psychologist and psychoanalyst in New York City and Princeton, N.J., who has been published in professional and academic journals. Two chapters from her debut memoir were published in 2016 — “The Flowers,” a top-five finalist in Alligator Juniper’s annual contest in creative nonfiction, and “The Spring Line” in Post Road.

The Tell: A Memoir

 

About The Psych Central Show Hosts

Gabe Howard is an award-winning writer and speaker who lives with bipolar and anxiety disorders. In addition to hosting The Psych Central Show, Gabe is an associate editor for PsychCentral.com. He also runs an online Facebook community, The Positive Depression/Bipolar Happy Place, and invites you to join. To work with Gabe, please visit his website, gabehoward.com.

 

 

Vincent M. Wales is a former suicide prevention counselor who lives with persistent depressive disorder. In addition to co-hosting The Psych Central Show, Vincent is the author of several award-winning novels and the creator of costumed hero Dynamistress. Visit his websites at www.vincentmwales.com and www.dynamistress.com.

 

 

 

 

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/podcast-from-tragedy-to-transformation-how-a-psychologist-is-born/

Managing Depression: 3 Simple Strategies to Create Joy

There is a very subtle and insidious cycle that frequently occurs for those who are struggling with feelings of depression. Whether it’s situational, acute, or chronic, feelings of depression build on themselves.  When we don’t feel great, we succumb to a sort of molasses-like slowdown … because we don’t feel great, we don’t feel like doing much. And because we don’t feel like doing much, that usually includes slowing down or stopping doing the things that have the potential to make us feel better. 

Thus begins the Vicious Cycle of Nots: 

Not feeling well leads to not doing stuff, which leads to not engaging in activities that could counter not feeling well, and so on.  

Creating joy to counter depression often requires us to acknowledge — really be conscious — that not feeling like engaging in helpful, joy-promoting activities is part and parcel of depressive feelings. Not feeling like it, however, is not a reason not to.  

Consider this: How often have you felt like going to the dentist to have your teeth cleaned, or heaven forbid, a root canal? Most likely never. Most people never EVER feel like going to the dentist for any reason. But we go. We go when it’s time or when we need to because we know — intellectually, in the place that stands aloof and independent from how we feel about the dentist — that it’s what needs to be done. Regardless of how we feel about it. For most of us, if we waited to feel like getting dental work, it wouldn’t ever happen and we’d all be walking around with terrible dental issues (if we still had any teeth at all).

When you feel depressed, you’re less likely to feel like calling a friend, getting some exercise, volunteering, doing some art or writing, or engaging in any of the other activities that have the potential to create joy in the face of depressive feelings. But like the dentist, if we allow our feelings to dictate our behaviors — we’re likely to stay stuck in the downward Vicious Cycle of Nots. 

Strategies for creating joy in the face of feelings of sadness or depression, and stress and anxiety, too, revolve primarily around making intellectual decisions with what you know, as opposed to how you feel. 

Strategies for creating joy when you have feelings of depression:

1. Accept your heart and your head.

Recognize that your heart and your head are rarely in lockstep, and that’s an advantage when it comes to creating joy. Just like you know you need to pay your taxes by April 15th regardless of how you feel about it, you likely know that any one of a number of activities will help you feel better, even if you don’t feel like doing them. Pay your taxes when they’re due and engage in activities that help you feel better, regardless of your feelings about either. Your feelings will lead you astray if you don’t, on both counts. 

2. Schedule things that make you feel good — don’t wait for inspiration.

We usually wait to feel like doing something to do it, which is counterproductive if you’re not feeling well and need to do something to feel better. If you already know you’re feeling down (and feeling like staying rooted on your couch with a pint of ice cream), do yourself a kindness and treat going on walks, calling friends, taking a bubble bath, or any other helpful activity as if it were a dental appointment … put it on your calendar and do it because your calendar tells you it’s time to do it, regardless of your feelings of motivation in that moment.

3. Err on the side of distraction.

Often when we feel depressed about a particular issue, we decline to engage in distracting activities (socializing, exercising, and working) because we get some sense of control or satisfaction out of hyper-focusing on the problem. You know, as if keeping our eye on it ensures that it won’t get any further away from us. Of course, we intuitively know that this isn’t helpful for our mood or for solving the issue. Yet we often will turn down offers from concerned friends and family to get us out of the house. Sometimes it’s because we don’t want to feel obligated to “act” somehow better than we’re feeling; or we don’t want to be surrounded by merriment when we’re feeling low.

If you need some time to yourself, you should take it, and there’s no reason to force yourself into social settings where you feel like you have to fake feeling good. But if and when you decide to have some alone time, don’t wallow on the couch. Work on a project, get some healthy movement, organize something you’ve been avoiding, or do some journaling. Give yourself the gift of constructive alone time, not destructive isolation.

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/managing-depression-3-simple-strategies-to-create-joy/

Practice Makes Perfect

Are you a world-class worrier, or going for gold in the anxiety stakes? We need to pay attention to what we practice.

Tags: anxiety and stress, mindful awareness

from Psychology, Philosophy and Real Life https://counsellingresource.com/features/2018/05/30/practice-makes-perfect/

How to Foster Your Kid’s Emotional Intelligence, Right from Birth

Many benefits are associated with helping kids foster their emotional intelligence. When your kid has learnt to identify and manage his emotions, he is more likely to better deal with difficult emotion-provoking situations in the childhood years and beyond. Research suggests that much is to be gained by teaching kids to manage their emotions from the earliest age. In other words, problem behavior can often be explained by your kid’s inability to manage his or her emotions. If the emotions your little one experiences are too big, her inability to manage them may be manifested in behavior such as clinginess, tantrums, meltdowns, extreme shyness or even aggressiveness.  

We now know that talking to kids about emotions using age-appropriate strategies is the first step in helping them foster their emotional intelligence. Evidence suggests that from around age three, kids can be taught to become more aware of their emotions and the emotions of others. But is it possible to help infants and toddlers develop their emotional intelligence? In other words, when your kid is too young to understand why it is important to name emotions, what other strategies can help him start working on his emotional intelligence? Here are a few tips to help you foster your kid’s emotional intelligence right from birth.

1. Do not underestimate the remarkable power of touch.

There is strong evidence that touch heals. One long-term study analyzed the impact of touch on premature babies. In a follow up study when the babies were older, the researchers found that those who had been held longer and more often had greater physiological and neurological development, fewer anxiety-related issues, and greater ties with their parents.

Following these and other studies, several hospitals have now adopted “kangaroo care” for both premature and full-term infants. Kangaroo care means holding a kid wearing only a diaper against one’s bare chest.

According to David Linden, the neuroscientist and author of the book “Touch: The Science of Hand, Heart, and Mind”, appropriate touch strengthens bonds by building trust and cooperation. Moreover, a special bond is developed in the first four to six months. There have also been suggestions that babies touched often display less aggressive behavior.

What you can do:

• Hold, caress and cuddle your baby as often as you can. Snuggle with him at naptime.
• Practice baby wearing if you can.

2. Practice responsive parenting

There is ample evidence that even the youngest kids experience distress and adapt their behavior to reduce this distress. For instance, thumb-sucking is proof that infants are capable of adopting self-soothing behavior to deal with unpleasant stimuli.

Some studies have found that toddlers are capable of adapting their behavior depending on the emotional impact of a situation. In other words, even young kids are capable of knowing they should approach or avoid certain situations. However, infants look up to their parents to deal with distressing situations. In a recent study, Professor Darcia Narvaez and colleagues suggest that leaving kids in distress by letting them cry can be detrimental to their development. According to these researchers, letting your baby cry can trigger stress and is bound to have an impact on how he manages stress, anxiety and other difficult emotions in adulthood.

What you can do:

• Be conscious of the difference between fussing and genuine distress and respond to your kid’s distress.
• The appropriate response to your infant’s distress is not always what you think it is. Find what works best to calm your kid down. According to a recent study, recordings of play songs are more effective than lullabies or even maternal speech at reducing distress and calming highly aroused infants (under one-year-olds).

3. Develop an emotionally-safe relationship.

Although the concept of emotional safety is often used when referring to couples, it is a concept that is also valid when referring to parent-child relationships. There is solid evidence that the innate need for safety is pre-wired into our brains and that feeling emotionally unsafe can send our nervous systems into a state of defense.  

An emotionally-safe relationship is one in which there is a solid attachment. We now know that a baby’s attachment to his/her parents (primary caregiver) has a great impact on social and emotional outcomes in later years.

What you can do:

Developing a solid attachment is not about privileging one parenting style (for instance attachment parenting) over another. Regardless of your parenting style, you can develop a solid attachment with your kid. Developing a solid attachment is about being sensitive to your baby’s needs and being capable of reassuring her. Responding to your baby with kindness and making an effort to minimize her distress sets the stage for emotional intelligence. Indeed, there is evidence that feeling safe is a first step that makes it easier for kids to develop appropriate emotion regulation skills to deal with the difficult situations they encounter.

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-foster-your-kids-emotional-intelligence-right-from-birth/

7 Ways to Live a Creative Life

Unless we’re artists, when we think of paintbrushes, play and simple pleasures, we often think that’s for people who aren’t that busy, people who don’t have the responsibilities I have, people who don’t have kids. That’s for people who are not me.  

But these things are the very ingredients of a meaningful, satisfying life. Of a creative life. And while different seasons allow for different opportunities, each of us has time for that.

According to Maya Benattar, LCAT, a music therapist and psychotherapist in New York City, a creative life is “being connected to a sense of play, spontaneity and permission.” She believes this is vital because it pulls us out of the everyday. It helps us connect to our true emotions, to who we really are, beneath our lengthy to-do lists.

For artist and art therapist Amy Maricle, LMHC, ATR-BC, a creative life means making art, spending time with other artists and recognizing that these activities are as critical as any self-care practice. “It means knowing there is an artist within you, and giving her some encouragement and a space to play.”

Whether she’s painting, writing or cooking, Maricle feels like the creative energy flows through her. “Art makes me feel connected to something bigger than myself.”

Stephanie Medford, an artist, writer and teacher, views a creative life as “a life of curiosity, wonder, play, and a little bit of magic.” It means paying attention to life’s details and small miracles. It means finding a way to share what she’s experienced with others.

When Medford starts to lose touch with her creativity, everything else also starts to wither. “When I’m not making room for creativity, I’m not present, and when I’m not present, I become consumed with worries, fears and judgment.”

Creativity also is a powerful cycle for Medford: The more she writes or makes art, the more open she is to curiosity, awe and wonder. The more curious she is, the more she pays attention and spots inspiration, which makes it easier to write and make art.

“When the cycle is working, I feel alive and my life [has] purpose. I feel more interested in what’s happening in the world, and more engaged and connected to other people.”

“A creative life to us is mainly: keeping an open mind,” said Irene Smit and Astrid van der Hulst, the founders and creative directors of Flow Magazine. For instance, when they started their magazine a decade ago, there were many rules for creating a successful publication—like having a smiling woman on the cover and not having blank pages. However, Smit and van der Hulst were drawn to covers of notebooks and children’s books and pages with quotes and illustrations. So they did what felt right to them. They still do, letting what resonates with them and makes them smile dictate their decisions.

How you define a creative life is really up to you. Below you’ll find an assortment of ideas—from connecting to your inner child to seeing the world anew to playing with specific projects.

Prioritize play. Benattar encouraged readers to play, “whatever playing means to you, whatever helps you feel lighter and freer.” “Find something that feels like flow and lets you turn your brain off a bit.”

You might define play as improvising musically, cooking, dancing or going to a playground. You might choose to swing on the swings, instead of trying a new art technique, Benattar said. Thinking back to your childhood may give you some good hints. For instance, you might build blanket forts, spin elaborate stories or run at top speed, she said.

Channel your creativity into everything. “I love being creative in a lot of the things I do,” said Maricle, founder of Mindful Art Studio. “It makes my life feel more meaningful and rich.” In addition to visual art, she channels her creativity into writing, dancing and cooking.

Follow the questions. Medford likes walking in the woods, where she sees and hears a lot of birds. Which sparked her curiosity. The more she researches these birds, the more excited she is to get outside and observe. “Lately birds have started appearing in my artwork as well, since they’re becoming such a powerful symbol of wonder for me.” What questions are you curious about? Follow them.

Start a long-term project. Medford calls this her go-to strategy for staying inspired and creating regularly. She picks something with specific parameters and an end goal. She then carves out time every week to work on it.

In the past, she’s done every exercise in the book Draw, Paint, Print Like the Great Artists by Marion Deuchars; given herself weekly drawing assignments for an entire year, with different monthly themes; and read 100 poems and created an Instagram post for each one. What long-term project can you take on? (Maybe pick one you think you absolutely can’t do, and prove yourself wrong.)

Go offline often. Smit and van der Hulst used to answer emails in the evenings and on vacation. They used to fill up quiet moments with their smartphones. Today, however, they savor more time offline, which actually ignites their imagination. “The best ideas come to us when we are standing in the queue at the supermarket, when we are bored, just sitting on the couch or in the sun, when we are waiting for a train.”

When we’re staring at our screens, we miss things, tender things, silly things, inspiring things: “a stork building its nest as you ride past on the train, the conversation two little kids are having while you’re waiting at the baker’s, the lamp a woman has placed on her head like a hat for a fancy-dress party.”

Make it easy to make art. Maricle suggested dedicating a space in your home for art making—no matter how small. “Leave your art out and in process, it will tempt you to keep going.” She also suggested carrying a portable art kit, filled with items like a small notebook and fun pens. This way as you’re waiting in the car or doctor’s office instead of scrolling, you can doodle and sketch and write.

Take your time. Living a creative life also means taking your time, according to Smit and van der Hulst, authors of A Book That Takes Its Time and the forthcoming Creativity Takes Courage. “When you slow down your pace, there is more time to enjoy the little things around you, to see the details in the street where you are walking, to smell the flowers, to stay open to what happens around you.” When we slow down, they said, it’s naturally easier to savor life’s tiny but meaningful pleasures.

For Medford engaging in activities such as writing, drawing and collage making is important. But what matters more is “the everyday attitude of creativity, of seeing the world as an interesting, awe-inspiring place, worthy of being explored.”

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/7-ways-to-live-a-creative-life/

Best of Our Blogs: May 29, 2018

There are people who sacrificed their lives for us. Many who lived without hearing a, “Thank you,” gesture of kindness, regard or even nod of acknowledgment regarding what they did.

As I write this, it’s Memorial Day. In honor of those who served and lost their lives, and to their families, we want to express our gratitude, condolences and promise to never forget.

6 Important Facts About Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN)
(Childhood Emotional Neglect) – To gather hope, you need knowledge and information. This post shares what childhood emotional neglect really is and what lies on the other side of healing.

He Was Raped By a Nun
(Full Heart, Empty Arms) – This is difficult to read especially if you suffered trauma, but it’s end provides a hopeful story for all.

13 Double Standards Emotional Abusers and Controllers Exhibit in Relationships
(Love Matters) – How do you know you’re in an unhealthy relationship? This will clue you in.

Narcissism and relationships
(Psychotherapy Matters) – You’ve always wondered, but never been sure. This may help you discover whether you’re in a relationship with a narcissist.

When your Parent is a Narcissist: Take your Life Back (or, establish it in the First Place!)
(The Recovery Expert) – If you had a narcissistic parent, you grew up without a voice. Here’s how to get it back.

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/best-of-our-blogs-may-29-2018/

​How Technology Affects The Way Our Brain Works

​Technology has transformed the way we live, work, communicate and entertain ourselves. At the click of a button, we can conduct transactions, get information, learn new skills and even find love.

Our generation has seen the most drastic jumps in technological advances and this has not only changed the way we perceive the world but also how our brains receive and process information. We seem unable to tear ourselves from our smartphones, tablets and innumerable social networking platforms, going so far as keeping our devices near us all day.

One Gallup poll revealed that more than 50 percent of all smartphone users in the US check their mobile devices a few times an hour or more, and an astonishing 63 percent can’t bear to part with their mobile gadgets, keeping them nearby while sleeping at night. Young people use their smartphones more than any other age group with more than 70 percent of those polled checking their devices a few times or more every hour.

Living in this digital age means that we have come to rely on devices in one way or another. However, how many of us give any attention to how technology is affecting our behavior, relationships or lives? Maybe we should be more mindful of how often we use technology since it’s been found to alter our brains in these 5 ways:

1. We now have shorter attention spans and are more distracted.

Before the deluge of iPhones, iPads and other devices, the average person had an attention span of about 12 seconds. Now it’s believed that we can only concentrate for about 8 seconds on average before moving on to something else. Fun fact: the average attention span of a goldfish is 9 seconds!

It’s hard to stay on task with all the distractions we have these days. Something is always going viral, there are new trends to follow and our phone lights are always winking to alert us to new messages. These tech distractions affect our relationships, productivity and ability to learn — all of which require a certain level of concentration. Being constantly inundated with information also impacts our creativity and ability to be contemplative.

2. We’ve improved our ability to multitask (at least we think we have).

Many of us brag about how we can do several things at once. We say we can talk on the phone, watch YouTube videos and compose email replies at the same time. While that certainly sounds impressive, research reminds us that performing different activities that rely on the same type of brain processing isn’t possible. Doing so only reduces brain efficiency and makes it harder for us to retain information.

3. We’ve become tech addicts.

Admit it. You’re guilty of stopping work to check your phone once the message tone pings or stealing a few minutes to check your Twitter timeline or Facebook feed. There’s a certain gratification that comes with seeing new notifications and messages which is why some of us compulsively check social media platforms numerous times each day, spending hours blissfully scrolling down those pages. Even worse, some individuals end up suffering from video or mobile game addiction, needing rehab and professional help to detox.

The reason for this is simple: technology has built-in gratification that stimulates the pleasure centers of the brain, keeping us coming back for more.

4. Our face-to-face interactions have been undermined.

Have you ever been out with friends and at some point noticed all of you were spending more time staring at your screens than chatting with each other? Or during your train ride realized everyone was busy on their cellphones, oblivious to the world? We have technology to thank for turning us into zombies.

These days we rely on emojis to express our feelings and prefer online interactions to in-person conversations. It’s even worse for kids and teens who’ve grown up in the digital era since many haven’t developed conversation skills or learned to read social cues. As a result, many miss out on major aspects of natural communication.

5. We’re becoming more forgetful.

Research has revealed that many millennials are more forgetful than seniors — something that can be attributed to the constant use of technology. In order to remember something, we need to move that information from our working memory (conscious mind) to our long-term memory and this hinges on our attentiveness.

But thanks to technology, we are constantly taking in new information, barely having enough time to think about it and commit it to memory before something else grabs our attention. This impacts our memory and makes us more forgetful.

While technology has countless benefits, it also has some drawbacks. The best way to have a balanced life and mitigate some of the negative effects of technology is to commit to setting aside our mobile devices for a few hours each day. Meditation, yoga and exercise can also help us focus on living in the moment. Taking time to put down our phones and consciously contemplate what’s in front of us will go a long way towards improving our lives.

References

Newport, F. (2015). Most U.S. Smartphone Owners Check Phone at Least Hourly. Retrieved from http://news.gallup.com/poll/184046/smartphone-owners-check-phone-least-hourly.aspx

Galasso Bonanno, S. (2016). Social Media’s Impact on Relationships. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 17, 2018, from https://psychcentral.com/lib/social-medias-impact-on-relationships/

McSpadden, K. (2015). You Now Have a Shorter Attention Span Than a Goldfish. Time Health. Retrieved from http://time.com/3858309/attention-spans-goldfish/

Elgan, M. (2017). Smartphones make people distracted and unproductive. Computerworld. Retrieved from https://www.computerworld.com/article/3215276/smartphones/smartphones-make-people-distracted-and-unproductive.html

Nauert PhD, R. (2017). Imaging Study Shows Multitasking Reduces Brain Efficiency. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 17, 2018, from https://psychcentral.com/news/2017/04/26/imaging-study-shows-multitasking-reduces-brain-efficiency/119664.html

Carter, A. (2017). A New Addiction on the Rise: Mobile Game Addiction. Retrieved from https://www.addictions.com/blog/a-new-addiction-on-the-rise-mobile-game-addiction/

Social media’s impact on self-esteem & its effects on teens today. Retrieved from https://www.sundancecanyonacademy.com/social-medias-impact-on-self-esteem-its-effects-on-teens-today-infographic/

Emling, S. (2013). Study Shows Millennials Are More Forgetful Than Seniors. The Huffington Post. Retrieved from https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/02/millennial-forgetfulness_n_3695512.html

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/%e2%80%8bhow-technology-affects-the-way-our-brain-works/

Ep 11: Listener Feedback: Criticism on our Mental Illness Advocacy

“Haters gonna hate” and “don’t feed the trolls” are common phrases anyone who has an internet following has heard – or said – a dozen times. For reasons that aren’t entirely clear, Gabe (bipolar) and Michelle (schizophrenia) decide to discuss some of their “favorite” less-than-positive feedback.

They discuss how the comments made them feel, what they learned from them, and what they honestly think of the people who wrote them. Suffice to say that mental health advocacy isn’t for the weak.

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“You can send me the nastiest emails, I still know I’m fabulous.”
– Michelle Hammer

Highlights From ‘Mental Illness Advocacy’ Episode

[0:20] Gabe and Michelle talk about negative feedback they receive about their mental health advocacy.

[2:25] Gabe reads a negative email that Michelle received about her brand and advocacy.

[8:20] Michelle reads an email Gabe received about her stating that her diagnosis is incorrect.

[11:58] Gabe reads a comment Michelle received on her WebMD Video saying she is faking schizophrenia.

[16:35] Michelle reads an extremely angry email that was sent to Gabe about his views on a piece of mental health legislation.

[22:45] Michelle and Gabe each read a negative email about the podcast.

[28:00] Gabe’s tells the story of scary “gift” he received at his home.

Meet The Hosts of #BSPodcast

GABE HOWARD was formally diagnosed with bipolar and anxiety disorders after being committed to a psychiatric hospital in 2003. Now in recovery, Gabe is a prominent mental health activist and host of the award-winning Psych Central Show podcast. He is also an award-winning writer and speaker, traveling nationally to share the humorous, yet educational, story of his bipolar life. To work with Gabe, visit gabehoward.com.

 

MICHELLE HAMMER was officially diagnosed with schizophrenia at age 22, but incorrectly diagnosed with bipolar disorder at 18. Michelle is an award-winning mental health advocate who has been featured in press all over the world. In May, 2015, Michelle founded the company Schizophrenic.NYC, a mental health clothing line, with the mission of reducing stigma by starting conversations about mental health. She is a firm believer that confidence can get you anywhere. To work with Michelle, visit Schizophrenic.NYC.

..

 

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/ep-11-listener-feedback-criticism-on-our-mental-illness-advocacy/

3 Ways to Use Your Motivation to Find or Create Your Dream Job

How to move forward.

If you’re hoping there’s a dream job waiting for you, let me save you some time and energy: You’re going to be disappointed.

Why is that?

Even if you know exactly what you want, it may not be in your area or stay the same, if it exists at all. As you’ve probably noticed, professional relationships, resources, and goals are dynamic. Situations and environments change. And most important, you are in motion, with developing needs, abilities, and hopes.

So, if an interviewer, friend, or colleague asks you what your dream job is, what would you say? Some experts counsel you should describe your interests, skills, and values, presumably suiting your response to the questioner.

The Awful, Damaging Side Effect of Working at One Place Way Too Long

That choice is sensible when getting a job quickly is your primary aim. But you may be missing an opportunity for planting seeds for what you truly want, especially in the long run during these times of accelerating change. With all the matters in motion mentioned above, how can you create a firmer focus for choices and action?

Whatever your vision for the future, you’ll benefit from starting within yourself first to clarify the work of your dreams.

Here are 3 suggestions that will help you figure out what motivates and has meaning to you for finding or creating your dream job:

1. Let Your Inner Voice Out.

Trust your intuition and instincts first, especially since they are often based on your experiences and learning. Avoid second-guessing yourself and giving power away to “I can’t” or “I don’t know how.” Instead, call forth your optimism and possibilities by thinking about the questions in the list below.

Using your own nouns and short phrases, what associations jump to mind for the ones you choose? Perhaps jot them down to see the connections and give play to your imagination.

To get started, what would:

• Suit and strengthen your talents?
• Serve your interests and purposes?
• Bring you happiness or joy often enough?
• Prepare you for continuing challenge, change, and contribution?
• Open paths to future work that truly appeals to you and to success as you define it?

As you look over what you jotted down, what themes emerge? Do you see any overlaps between your past and opportunities related to what’s unfolding in the future of work? To explore further, type in your key themes and combinations to your preferred search engine to see what pops up. For example: history, writing, and artificial intelligence (which combines interests with future of work).

“Without leaps of imagination or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning.” – Gloria Steinem

2. Consider Advice, But Don’t Let It Limit You.

Reading experts’ guidance and working with a professional are options, but you’ll benefit from first summoning your own ideas. Just don’t overthink or fall into familiar assumptions and titles related to work content and search. That could squelch your imagination and courage for developing fresh ideas and insights related to a range of new or re-purposed possibilities.

Add a range of other voices and perspectives to make progress. The initial thoughts you unlock above can contain treasures. But, as you know, progress does not happen with just saying open sesame as the old Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves story goes. Few people find success and meaning entirely on their own in the time frame they’d prefer.

8 Ways to Cope When You Hate Your Job (But Can’t Quit Yet)

3. Connect with Talented People Related to Your Interests and Ideas.

Invite a few people to collaborate for conversation, testing ideas, and exploration, together or one-on-one. Connect with individuals you respect and enjoy for open, creative exchanges. With mutual benefit in mind, what questions will you ask one another to stretch and enrich one another’s thinking?

Do some online research to see how your ideas connect with what’s emerging in work of the future. For some useful ways to pitch your dream ideas, I recommend Lindsay Tigar’s three-minute read How To Pitch a Role That Doesn’t Exist Yet.

Get going for happy progress now.

Believe it or not, wide-ranging author, statesman and rebel Johann Wolfgang von Goethe knew centuries ago what might be holding you back and what you can do about it!

“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves, too… Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.”

What one action will you take to clarify your ideas and move forward toward the work of your dreams this week? Name and reach out to one probable collaborator for a creative conversation. To escape inertia, keep in mind American humorist Evan Esar’s counsel: “All things come to him who waits, but they are mostly leftovers from those who didn’t wait.”

This guest article originally appeared on YourTango.com: 3 Ways To Figure Out Your Dream Job (So You Can Start Pursuing It).

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/3-ways-to-use-your-motivation-to-find-or-create-your-dream-job/

How to Help Your Child Handle Their Anger–Even When You’re Uncomfortable with It

Most of us have an uncomfortable relationship with anger. Maybe we see it as an aggressive, explosive emotion. Maybe we see it as confusing and overwhelming. Maybe we associate it with sadness.

Either way, when we feel the first signs of frustration, many of us ignore it. We push it down. Far down.

And this is precisely what we do with our kids’ anger. When our kids start getting mad, we teach them to ignore it, too. We tell them they shouldn’t get angry. We reprimand them. Stop that! Calm down! You have nothing to be angry about!

However, anger is a totally normal emotion. Even more so, it’s an essential, invaluable emotion. It’s like a warning system, alerting us when something is wrong (e.g., when someone has crossed our boundaries). It alerts us when there’s unfairness or injustice. In fact, most positive changes in our society have started with someone getting angry.

Parents also commonly assume that anger is the only emotion their child is feeling, said Janine Halloran, a licensed mental health counselor who specializes in kids and teens. Anger is sometimes referred to as an iceberg, she noted, because there are many other emotions that accompany it that we just don’t see. Beneath your child’s anger might be anxiety, fear, sadness, grief, embarrassment.

Plus, like adults, when kids don’t effectively express their anger, it only amplifies. “[T]hey may blow up later over what appears to be a small issue,” Halloran said. “Since they haven’t processed all the other experiences of anger, it all comes pouring out, like a volcano.”

Children should be allowed to feel a range of emotions, including anger. Below Halloran shared nine suggestions for helping your kids handle their anger.

Remain calm. It’s important to be calm and neutral when your child is angry, said Halloran, author of the Coping Skills for Kids Workbook, and founder of Coping Skills for Kids. Which, of course, isn’t easy. This is why she suggests having a collection of coping skills. For instance, in the moment, you might practice deep breathing to relax your body.

You also might use a mantra. Parent coach Nicole Schwarz, LMFT, shares these examples in this piece:

• “I can be calm.”
• “Anger is just a feeling, it is temporary.”
• “Just breathe.”
• “I don’t need to fix this, I just need to be present.”
• “They have a right to be angry.”
• “I do not have to respond in anger.”

In general, you might engage in activities that genuinely nurture and support you, such as yoga, writing, dancing, painting.

If you need to explore further why your child’s anger is triggering you (e.g., because of earlier childhood experiences), consider seeing a therapist, Halloran said.

Validate your kids’ anger. Acknowledge its presence. “Instead of saying ‘You shouldn’t be mad about that,’ you can recognize their feeling by saying something as simple as ‘You seem mad right now,’” Halloran said. This helps your child identify their own emotions, and not be ashamed about them.

Halloran also stressed the importance of keeping talking to a minimum and repeating short, soothing phrases (like the below). “When a child is in fight, flight or freeze mode, they can’t process information as well as when their body is in rest and digest mode.”

• “I’m here for you.”
• “I love you.”
• “I want to help you.”
• “Let me know when you’re ready.”
• “I understand.”

Have your child draw their anger. Suggest your kids draw whatever is making them angry. Once they’re done with the drawing, they can rip it up or crumple it up and throw it away. “This helps kids process what caused their mad feelings in the first place, and can be a way to help them move on from the situation,” Halloran said.

Ask about their roses and thorns. Every evening, check in with your kids about the positive and negative aspects of their day. Ask them to share the good things that happened (roses), and what didn’t go well or what made them mad (thorns), Halloran said.

Help your kids release excess energy. You can have them pop bubble wrap or stomp their feet. They also can squeeze slime, play dough or stress balls and then relax their hands. These are all ways for kids to release their anger and extra energy safely.

Start discussing feelings. Weave feelings into your daily conversations. For instance, when you’re reading a book together, watching TV or watching a movie, ask your child how they think a certain character feels, Halloran said.

You also can label your own feelings out loud: “I’m so happy right now” or “I’m feeling a little frustrated.”

“Even asking the question, ‘what are you feeling right now?’ can start the process of helping kids more easily identify their own emotions.”  

Help your kids process an incident. After your child has calmed down, have a conversation about what happened to trigger their anger. Ask them to talk about what happened earlier in the day or week, along with how that made them feel, Halloran said. This is “an opportunity to help kids start to explore their emotions and make the connection between their feelings and how they react.”

Encourage journaling. “Sometimes, it’s easier to write about than talk about hard things,” Halloran said. For kids who can do some writing, journaling may be cathartic. After your child is done journaling, Halloran suggested talking about something good or something your child is looking forward to.   

Use anger-related resources. Two of Halloran’s favorite resources on anger and kids are: How to Take The Grrrr Out of Anger by Elizabeth Verdick and Marjorie Lisovskis and What to Do When Your Temper Flares by Dawn Huebner. With the first book Halloran typically reads a chapter at a time and then works on some of the strategies. The latter title includes lovely illustrations and “anger-dousing” methods, she said.

Anger is a tricky emotion. It’s understandable why many of us feel uncomfortable around it. But when we teach our kids to ignore any of their emotions, we teach them to distrust those emotions. We teach them to bury their anger—until it intensifies and erupts, hurting them or someone else. We teach them to stay quiet, and ultimately to distrust themselves.

Along with trying the above suggestions, work on healing your own relationship with anger. It’s one of the best things we can do for our kids. Because it always starts with us, doesn’t it?

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-help-your-child-handle-their-anger-even-when-youre-uncomfortable-with-it/

How Can Sitting Be Bad for Your Brain?

We have known for some time that sitting for prolonged periods can adversely impact our health. This article published in 2015 discusses some of the negative issues that have been associated with sitting including:

• Impeded cardiovascular and metabolic function
• Depression and psychological distress (for example, a “mental funk”)
• Spike in blood sugar levels
• Increased risk for heart attack, type 2 diabetes, insomnia, arthritis, certain types of cancers, and premature death

As you can see, this list is comprised of serious issues, and the author of the article gives some great suggestions for reducing your time sitting as well as for combating sitting’s negative effects. It is interesting to note that being in good physical shape and exercising regularly does not exempt a person from the damage incurred by sitting for extended periods of time, so the suggestions given can be beneficial for everyone.

A study published on April 12, 2018 in PLOS One (Public Library of Science), with Prabha Siddarth as the study’s first author, sheds even more light on the deleterious effects of prolonged sitting. Siddarth and other researchers at UCLA were interested in how sedentary behavior influences brain health, specifically the regions of the brain that are known to be critical to the formation of memory. They recruited 35 individuals ages 45 to 75 – 25 women and 10 men – and asked each one of them about their level of physical activity and time spent sitting over the previous week. Each person was then given a high-resolution MRI scan, which provided a detailed look at the medial temporal lobe (MTL), a brain region involved in the formation of new memories.

The researchers found that sedentary behavior is a significant predictor of thinning of the medial temporal lobe and that physical activity, even at high levels, is not sufficient to offset the harmful effects of sitting for extended periods of time. Such thinning is known to often be a forerunner to cognitive decline and dementia in middle-aged and older adults.

While these finding indicate a correlation between hours spent sitting and thinner regions of the medial temporal lobe, they do not actually prove that too much sitting causes thinner brain structures. The researchers noted that they focused on the hours spent sitting, but never asked the participants if they took breaks during this time, and if so, for how long. The researchers next hope to follow a group of people for a longer duration of time to determine if sitting causes the thinning. They are also interested in what roles gender, race and weight might play in brain health related to sitting.

While the findings of this study are interesting and certainly reinforce the notion that we all need to keep moving, more research, as the authors of the study suggest, is needed. However, it might just be that in the near future, we will add Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia to the growing list of adverse effects of prolonged sitting.

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-can-sitting-be-bad-for-your-brain/

Only One Week Left to Join the Global Hope Challenge

Only one week left to share your story for hope! What is the one thing you turn to when feeling hopeless, anxious, depressed or stressed? Share on our HeroX platform where the top three videos will win prize money ($1,000, $500, and $250).

Kicking things off with powerful submissions from Jack.org’s network of young leaders, the goal is to help inspire others to create, maintain, and sustain hope by sharing a 30-second video of what individuals do in their darkest hour to get through periods of hopelessness and work to get back to a hopeful state of mind.

Suicide and depression among youth are growing at alarming rates, with 36 percent of girls in the US alone self-reporting depression prior to graduating high school. Suicide is now the leading cause of death for 15-19 year-old girls, even though depression and anxiety are treatable and suicide is preventable. A recent study published in the Journal of Adolescent Health suggests that 1 in 9 kids attempt suicide prior to graduating high school, 40 percent of whom are in grade school. As hopelessness is the primary predictor of suicide, and number one symptom of depression, iFred focuses on teaching hope globally based on research it is a teachable skill.

While sharing a message alone won’t create a hopeful mindset, the campaign aims to start the global conversation and bring awareness about the need to learn about the importance of hope. iFred has a full free global curriculum called Hopeful Minds comprised of 12 lessons for youth ages 8-12. The organization hopes to grow the curriculum across all ages and languages as the program gains momentum and funding.

The Global Hope Challenge ends May 31st, and asks organizations, advocates, and individuals to enter and share the contest by submitting the video on the HeroX campaign page and then sharing using the hashtags #OneThing & #Hope. The contest is open to all, though individuals under the age of 18 need parental permission. The hashtags represent the power of having one thing you can turn to since everyone needs at least one thing for hope to help deal with any situation life may bring.

Participants create and share a short video with their personal experience with depression, anxiety, and/or feeling hopeless (if they want), and also must identify one thing they do to create a hopeful state. Vote online June 1st to June 7th for your favorite, where all can vote on the messages, lifting up the ones they find most helpful and inspirational. Winners are to be announced and videos shared at Mental Health America’s meeting in DC in June, 2018.

We hope you join the Global Hope Challenge today at www.herox.com/hope.

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/one-week-left-to-join-the-global-hope-challenge/

Psychology Around the Net: May 26, 2018

Happy Saturday, Psych Central readers!

This week’s Psychology Around the Net covers why we get so annoyed when we receive unsolicited advice, how technology (like Amazon’s Alexa and Google’s Assistant) could be negatively affecting the way children learn to communicate, a new mental health guide in graphic novel format, and more.

Psychologists Have Identified a Very Good Reason Why Unsolicited Advice Is So Annoying: Over the course of several studies, psychologists have found that while giving advice can seem (and often is) a kind and generous move, it 1) isn’t always selfless, and 2) can create a power imbalance — especially when it suggests the person receiving the unsolicited advice actually needs something from the advice giver in the first place.

A Cartoonist’s Playful and Pragmatic Mental Health Guide: When cartoonist Ellen Forney published Marbles, her graphic memoir on bipolar disorder, readers went wild for it. So, she followed up with Rock Steady: Brilliant Advice from My Bipolar Life — not a memoir or even a sequel, but a sort of reference book with 8 chapters that cover 8 specific mental health-related topics and also aims to explain what happens when a person starts to properly manage mental illness.

She Started a Suicide Prevention Site at Age 15. It’s Still Going Strong: “People didn’t view me seriously because I was a 15-year-old girl.” People are taking the now 20-year-old CEO of Buddy Project, Gabby Frost, seriously now.

People with ASD Risk Being Manipulated Because They Can’t Tell When They’re Being Lied To: A new study out of the University of Kent shows people with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) have a diminished ability to distinguish truth from lies, which puts them at a greater risk of being manipulated.

Hey Alexa, What Are You Doing to My Kid’s Brain? Parents are becoming anxious that the ability to demand Amazon’s Alexa or Google’s Assistant to tell a story, read a joke, or play a song is teaching their children to communicate as “demanding little twerps” rather than polite and considerate humans — so much so that both companies recently announced their various devices will start requiring a “please” and thanking them for being polite.

The Best Way to Persuade Someone That They’re Wrong Is to Show Them How They’re Right: Sure, at first it sounds conniving, but it’s actually beneficial for everyone if you look at it the way 17th century philosopher Blaise Pascal explains it.

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/psychology-around-the-net-may-26-2018/

Finding the Medicine for Your Soul

Happiness…it’s the holy grail, right? Dr. Tim Bono, in his book Why Likes Aren’t Enough: A Crash Course in the Science of Happiness, addresses this and other myths about happiness and shares some fascinating research about what really makes us happy. One of the concepts he discusses is “hedonic adaptation” — the notion that we adapt to our life circumstances, so that even if you win the lottery or get that thing that you really wanted, after a short while you will get used to that and it won’t bring lasting happiness.

I got to thinking lately about what really makes me happy. Among the other “distractions” out there that move us away from authentic happiness, such as being constantly bombarded by subtle and not-so-subtle media images and cultural messages of how we should look and live to have the “good life”, I notice how easy it is to get sucked into the abyss of modern technology. While there are so many benefits of being connected at the click of a button, there are also some down sides that are hard to escape.

Our self-worth and attention often become wrapped up in how many likes and follows we get; we can forego old fashioned conversations for text messages that lack the warm glance, the soothing voice, or the indescribable feeling of sitting in the presence of another human being. We can get sucked into the vortex of surfing, hopping from site to site in a manner that scatters our attention. We are tempted by materialism and consumerism at our fingertips, without the feeling of paying paper money that we worked hard to earn. And we spend increasing amounts of time in front of screens of all kinds for our entertainment and companionship — and to escape from boredom and other emotions. While technology might at times bring satisfaction, I think few people would say that it touches their soul and makes them feel alive.

I have had a few really remarkable experiences in the woods lately. On one recent snow shoeing adventure this winter, I made my way through fresh, pristine snow that stretched  endlessly before me in the woods, untouched by human feet lest for one set of cross country tracks. The sun was glorious, shining on the snow in a way that made it shimmer and glisten as if it were filled with jewels at each turn. The birds were my companions, and the sound of crunching and crackling snow delighted me and became my focus of attention as I ventured one foot in front of the next. Honestly, I felt like a kid let loose in a candy shop or a playground, with a joy and feeling of aliveness that is not so commonplace in my fast-paced, technology-filled world. At one point, I sat down in the snow by the pond’s edge and meditated, feeling an indescribable connection to nature and the earth and these gifts in my backyard.

I believe we all have a medicine for our soul. For some people it might be being in nature. For some it might be painting or playing music or creating some unique expression of who they are. For others it might be sitting with a friend over a cup of tea, or volunteering at a food pantry, or letting loose and singing at the top of their lungs in the shower. It doesn’t have to be profound — just authentic to who you are at your core and what truly moves you.

Some questions to ask yourself:

• What makes me feel fully alive or joyful?
• What did I used to do as a child that I loved?
• What brings me a deep sense of peace?
• What allows me to feel a deep connection with other people, the world, or something larger than myself?

Once you have asked yourself those questions, see if you might get quiet and ask yourself what is one thing that you could do this week that would enable you to tap into that? It need not be something that requires setting aside a huge amount of time. I have had some very joyful moments breaking out into dance while washing the dishes and singing to my favorite music. Perhaps it is preparing a delicious meal and savoring it by candlelight, or curling up by the fire and petting your cat, or sitting outside in the sunshine for a few minutes during a work break, or reaching out to a coworker or friend in need.

Whatever you choose, make it a point to do that one thing this week, and notice how it feels. What is it like to tap into this part of you, to honor the authentic part of you that longs to be heard?

As Tim Bono says, true happiness is not about being happy all the time, and it’s not even about striving to achieve some end point of “being happy.” But it is about taking small, consistent steps to be “happier.” Paying attention to the small things that move our hearts and touch our souls may be one place to start.

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/finding-the-medicine-for-your-soul/

Best of Our Blogs: May 25, 2018

Mental illness affects everyone.

It’s not always apparent that someone is suffering. Many people are highly functioning and seeking treatment while succeeding in their every day lives.

While many of us struggle with illness in silence, healing requires a systematic approach. It entails compassion and a decision to love rather than continue to radiate fear.

I hope that as mental health awareness month comes to a close this May, we all do our part to make an effort to slough away judgment, open our heart to understanding and courageously share our fears, uncertainties and the truth about our own struggles with mental illness.

6 Ways to Spot a Narcissist from Day 1
(Knotted) – See if you’re a magnet for narcissists and then see if you’ve attracted one.

It’s Official: Compulsive Sexual Behavior (Sex Addiction) Gets a Diagnosis
(Sex & Intimacy in the Digital Age) – The ICD or International Classification of Diseases (the ICD-11) comes out this year and here’s why that’s important.

8 Important Truths About Grief
(Sorting Out Your Life) – If you’re grieving and wonder if what you’re experiencing is normal, you need to read this.

6 Signs of Trustworthy vs. Untrustworthy Partners
(NLP Discoveries) – How can you tell if someone is worthy of your trust? This will save you from unnecessary heartache.

7 Kinds of Crying and What They Mean
(Psychoanalysis Now) – From duration and length to type, here’s all the things you didn’t know about crying.

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/best-of-our-blogs-may-25-2018/

Oliver North’s Ritalin Myth

The incoming NRA President, Oliver North, recently offered his theory for the spate of school shootings in this country, blaming “a culture of violence“ and the drug methylphenidate (Ritalin). “If you look at what has happened to the young people, many of these young boys have been on Ritalin since they were in kindergarten,” North said. ¹

As a psychiatrist, I partly agree with North: there are cultural factors in the U.S. that may increase the risk for aggression or violence — including but not limited to bullying, gangs, and substances of abuse. But Col. North is way off base in blaming Ritalin for school shootings. This notion is part of a larger mythology that attributes mass shootings to psychiatric medications of various sorts, including antidepressants. But what is the evidence for such claims?

First off, there is very little evidence that Ritalin and related medications for ADHD (attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder) cause violent behavior, when properly prescribed and monitored. On the contrary, studies going back to the 1990s generally find that Ritalin-type medications actually reduce aggressiveness in children with ADHD. (It is important to note that aggression is not one of the “core” features of ADHD, according to current diagnostic criteria; and when aggression occurs, it is usually due to some co-occurring disorder).

Indeed, a 1990 study by Dr. Kenneth Gadow and colleagues stated, “One of the least documented ‘known’ effects of methylphenidate in hyperactive children is the suppression of peer aggression.” ² More recent studies in the U.S. and Europe have largely borne this out. ³ Of course, if a stimulant like methylphenidate is prescribed inappropriately — say, for a patient with unstable bipolar disorder — irritability or aggressive behaviors may sometimes emerge.

The larger myth that connects psychiatric medications with school shootings was meticulously debunked by psychologist Dr. Peter Langman in a 2016 study. ⁴ Langman pointed out the often-forgotten problem of “reverse causality”; that is, attributing violent behavior to a specific medication, when, in fact, the medication was initially prescribed because the person was already exhibiting aggressive or violent behaviors. Langman reviewed many recent cases of mass shootings in which the shooter was supposedly taking Ritalin or an antidepressant.

He found that in most cases, a causal link between the drug and the shooting could not be established. For example, in the 1998 Thurston High School shooting, Langman notes that the shooter “… had taken Prozac and Ritalin in the past but not anywhere near the time of his attack.”

Similarly, despite speculation in the media to the contrary, there was no evidence that the 23-year-old man responsible for the Virginia Tech shooting (2007) had recently used, or was withdrawing from, psychiatric medication. Langman found that out of 24 secondary school shooters, only two were taking psychiatric medication at the time of their attacks; or, as he puts it, “over 87% of the secondary school shooters were not on psychiatric medications at the time of their attacks.”

There are no simple explanations for why someone becomes a school shooter or carries out a mass shooting, though psychological “profiles” have revealed some common features among these individuals; for example, a history of having been bullied by peers; strong feelings of anger and resentment ⁵; or a history of morbid preoccupation with guns and violence. But it is wrong to heap blame, as Oliver North did, on medications prescribed for psychiatric illnesses.

 

References

1. Mele, C., & Caron, C. (2018, May 21). Oliver North Blames ‘Culture of Violence’ for Mass Shootings. Retrieved from https://www.nytimes.com/2018/05/21/us/nra-oliver-north.html
2. Gadow KD, Nolan EE, Sverd J et al. Methylphenidate in Aggressive-Hyperactive Boys: I. Effects on Peer Aggression in Public School Settings. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry , 1990; 29, Issue 5 , 710 – 718
3. Sinzig J, Dopfner M, Lehmkuhl G et al. Long-acting methylphenidate has an effect on aggressive behavior in children with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder. J Child Adolesc Psychopharmacol. 2007 Aug;17(4):421-32.
4. Langman P. Psychiatric medications and school shootings. Researchgate.net. Feb. 2016 https://www.researchgate.net/publication/308220517_Psychiatric_Medications_and_School_Shootings
5. Knoll JL 4th. The “pseudocommando” mass murderer: part I, the psychology of revenge and obliteration. J Am Acad Psychiatry Law. 2010;38(1):87-94. http://jaapl.org/content/jaapl/38/1/87.full.pdf

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/oliver-norths-ritalin-myth/

Podcast: Diverse Diseases, Allied Advocates

Listen to part two of the episode recorded live on location at HealtheVoices 2018. (Part one was posted last week, so check it out if you haven’t, already.) In this continuation of the multi-advocate panel discussion, our panelists talk about the most difficult aspect of their advocacy and how they deal with it. They also address misconceptions and ignorance about their diseases, such as the difference between AIDS and HIV or IBD and IBS, the fact that lupus is not contagious, and that men can have breast cancer. To close out the episode, each panelist shares his/her thoughts on what advocates for different conditions have in common.

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LIVE Show Highlights:

“I get a lot of people who mistakenly make the assumption that I can treat myself or…cure myself if I just change my diet.” ~ Rasheed Clarke

[0:33]   Each panelist shares what they find most difficult about their advocacy.

[8:32]   AnnMarie speaks about breast cancer in men.

[10:48] AnnMarie shares her thoughts on joking about diseases.

[12:45] Marisa tells of the misconceptions the public has about lupus.

[16:05] Daniel speaks of his advocacy work in schools.

[18:30] Rasheed comments on the common confusion of IBD and IBS.

[20:30] Each panelist shares their observations on how advocates are the same, regardless of their conditions.

 

 

About Our Guests

Rasheed Clarke lives in Mississauga, Ontario, Canada, and works as a communications coordinator and freelance writer. In 2011, he published a book of short stories about living with ulcerative colitis titled, Three Tablets Twice Daily. Rasheed had his colon removed in 2013 as a result of the disease. He now lives with a pelvic pouch, and blogs about his experiences with it at www.rasheedclarke.com. Aside from discussing digestive diseases, he enjoys running, soccer, design, nature, and pizza.

Follow Rasheed on Twitter.

 

 

Daniel Garza has been an HIV advocate since 2001, sharing the basics of HIV along with his story at high schools, college and universities. He also educates through his podcast, Put It Together, and on social media pages, such as, HIV Positive Life on Facebook.

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AnnMarie Otis parlayed a cancer diagnosis into an advocacy powerhouse, giving voice to people impacted by breast cancer, MS, and mental health issues. Since establishing the non-profit Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer organization in 2012, AnnMarie has worked tirelessly to engage the community through awareness programs and fundraising initiatives, and to ensure that everyone who suffers is heard. She currently serves as community manager for Wisdo.com.

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Marisa Zeppieri is a health and food journalist and author, in addition to being the founder of LupusChick, an autoimmune community and nonprofit, and board member for The Lupus Foundation of America. LupusChick provides patients and their families support, educational materials and resources, and the nonprofit has awarded five partial college scholarships to students with lupus. She is the reigning Mrs. New York and works with government officials via her platform of Lupus awareness. May is officially Lupus Awareness Month. She lives in NY with her husband and rescued terrier, and enjoys food photography and aerial yoga.

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About The Psych Central Show Hosts

Gabe Howard is an award-winning writer and speaker who lives with bipolar and anxiety disorders. In addition to hosting The Psych Central Show, Gabe is an associate editor for PsychCentral.com. He also runs an online Facebook community, The Positive Depression/Bipolar Happy Place, and invites you to join. To work with Gabe, please visit his website, gabehoward.com.

 

 

Vincent M. Wales is a former suicide prevention counselor who lives with persistent depressive disorder. In addition to co-hosting The Psych Central Show, Vincent is the author of several award-winning novels and the creator of costumed hero Dynamistress. Visit his websites at www.vincentmwales.com and www.dynamistress.com.

 

 

 

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/podcast-hev2/