Best of Our Blogs: August 5, 2016

Would you choose to live with debilitating pain or hardship? Would you pick parents who are cruel or uncaring? Would you decide to live a life filled with constant fear or sadness?

Probably not.

But the life you’ve been given has also come with resilience, strength and courage. It hasn’t made you the most popular or easiest person to be around. But when you look at the road you travelled on and the road still unfolding in front of you, you realize it’s molded you into the person you are now.

So why wouldn’t you choose the life that’s been given to you? It’s yours to own, create and make. As poet Mary Oliver writes in The Summer Day, “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”

Five Tried-and-True Ways to Increase Happiness in Daily Life
(Mindfulness & Psychotherapy) – Want more happiness in your life? Start with these daily habits and you’ll imbue a sense of joy you didn’t know was possible.

5 Dissociative Symptoms: Coping With Trauma
(Caregivers, Family & Friends) – Are your daydreams dangerous? Here’s how to tell if your harmless daydreams are actually a sign of severe dissociation and get exercises on grounding yourself.

Anxiety Depression: Learn How to Be Worry Free
(One Sober Life) – What you worry? If the answer is, “Yes” you might want to read this.

26 Questions To Help You Know Yourself Better
(Happily Imperfect) – You feel lost and are on the road to finding yourself. Start your self-discovery here.

What It Means When a Narcissist Says “I Love You”
(Neuroscience & Relationships) – In love with a narcissist? This post will change the way you perceive them and your relationship.

from World of Psychology http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/08/05/best-of-our-blogs-august-5-2016/

Getting to Know Your Three Brains: Part 3

Click here to refer to Part 1 of this series and Part 2 if you want a refresher.

We cannot think our way through an emotion. Emotions must be experienced. We have to feel emotions viscerally, let them move through us until their energy releases. That is precisely how we feel better.

Most of us spend a lifetime figuring out how to avoid emotions. But that’s because we don’t know any other way to deal with them. It is not our fault that the culture we live in does not value or understand the science of emotions or the role they play in overall wellness. The great news is we can learn some basic brain science to help ourselves.

No doubt emotions and their corresponding physical sensations feel weird at best and totally overwhelming and painful at worst. Our brains resist moving toward emotional experience at first because, let’s face it, emotions are scary. “How big will the feeling get?” or “Will I be able to stand it?” are just some of the concerns that can come to mind. The truth is, we can all learn to tolerate and even embrace getting in touch with deep emotional and physical experiences. The benefits include feeling calmer and more authentic!

Two-Minute Exercise to Demonstrate Your 3 Brains and the Self

Think of a recent experience that had some (but not too much) emotional punch to it. It could be as simple as remembering a compliment someone gave you, a nice moment with your child or partner, a moment of road rage, or a minor disagreement with a colleague or partner.

When you find it, just stay with it so the memory grows stronger and stronger. Think about the details of the story, noticing the images that go with the memory as if you are watching a movie. Make the memory as vivid as possible.

Holding the memory in mind, see if you can label the emotion(s) that the memory evokes. If tuning into your emotions feels scary or you notice you don’t want to, that is OK; just find another memory that is less negatively charged. Part 5 will explain more about why we are sometimes afraid, uncomfortable or reluctant to get in touch with emotions.

Let’s go back to the exercise. What emotions come up for you? Sadness, fear, anger, joy, excitement, sexual excitement, disgust, embarrassment, shame, nervousness or any combination of those? Try on each emotion to see if it fits. Literally ask yourself, “Do I sense sadness?” Then pause and check in to see if sadness is there.

Go through each emotion one by one until you find all those that fit. When you find the emotion that fits best, validate it saying to yourself “I feel ________ (insert the emotion that best fits).” There should be a click of recognition to tell you you’ve labeled the emotion correctly. Great! If you’re having trouble, don’t worry and definitely don’t judge yourself. Just read on, keep trying and you’ll get it with some practice.

Now, let’s check in with what is happening below your neck. If you slow down enough and give yourself a good 15 seconds or more, you might begin to notice changes in your posture and physical sensations. I cannot stress enough how important it is to slow down for this part, as the body takes much longer to be perceived than the thoughts in your head.

Scan your whole body slowly — very slowly — from head to toe, seeing if you notice any sensations that go with the emotions you’ve noticed. You might sense a weight or a lightness; a muscular tightening or relaxing; energy up, out, or swirling cyclically; fast heartbeat; quick or shallow breathing; dizziness; butterflies or a knot in your stomach, just to name a few. You also might notice impulses to move: to fold in on yourself; to retreat; to set a boundary; to stand, sit, yawn, or even to make a fist if you are working with anger. Rest assured all emotions have associated physical sensations. In fact, what defines an emotion is really just a collection of physical sensations that we come to recognize as a specific emotion.

Lastly, know there are no right or wrong answers, just subjective perception of your internal experience. Anything you notice is right, by definition.

So here is the intellectual explanation for what we just experienced: Your Self is the part of you that conjured up the memory at my request and noticed the images, noticed the emotions and noticed the body sensations. Your thinking brain spontaneously generated thoughts that arose during the exercise like “I can’t do this” or “this exercise is stupid” or “this is really interesting” or “This is too hard” or “I think I’ll make chicken for dinner.” Your emotional brain experienced the associated emotions triggered by the memory. Your body brain caused the changes you noticed in your body.

To notice your three brains and what they are doing requires patience, courage, compassion, and acceptance for the aspects of yourself you judge as flawed or unlovable. Anyone and everyone can work with thoughts, emotions and physical sensations to foster positive change. Great job for trying!

Stay tuned for Part 4, which will discuss triggers, the things in the environment that cause our 3 brains to react.

Belitas/Bigstock

from World of Psychology http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/08/04/getting-to-know-your-three-brains-part-3/

How You Might Be Unwittingly Relinquishing Your Power—and How to Get It Back

She’s driving me crazy! He doesn’t want to improve our relationship, so there’s nothing I can do. I have to work late. Yet again. I’m not smart. I’m not capable of accomplishing this. I don’t have time for what I really want to do. If only things were different. Why does this keep happening to me???

These are just some of the ways we relinquish our power—to others, to circumstances, to conditions. As psychotherapist Eli Feldman, LMHC, said, “there are a million ways we take power away from ourselves.”

We think that people do things to us. We assume that we have zero control, whether it’s at work or within our relationships. But that’s actually not true. While we can’t control what happens to us, we can control how we react to it. We can control what we do next. We can control our own actions.

This probably isn’t news to you. You’ve probably heard this before. Many times. But here’s a powerful illustration—the story of psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl—from Stephen R. Covey’s seminal book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change.

One day, naked and alone in a small room, [Frankl] began to become aware of what he later called ‘the last of the human freedoms’—the freedom his Nazi captors could not take away. They could control his entire environment, they could do what they wanted to his body, but Victor Frankl himself was a self-aware being who could look as an observer at his very involvement. His basic identity was intact. He could decide within himself how all of this was going to affect him. Between what happened to him, or the stimulus, and his response to it, was his freedom or power to choose that response.

In the midst of his experiences, Frankl would project himself into different circumstances, such as lecturing to his students after his release from the death camps. He would describe himself in the classroom, in his mind’s eye, and give his students the lessons he was learning during his very torture.

Through a series of such disciplines—mental, emotional, and moral, principally using memory and imagination—he exercised his small, embryonic freedom until it grew larger and larger, until he had more freedom than his Nazi captors. They had more liberty, more options to choose from in their environment; but he had more freedom, more internal power to exercise his options. He became an inspiration to those around him, even to some of the guards. He helped others find meaning in their suffering and dignity in their prison experience.

In Auschwitz, one of the deadliest concentration camps, Frankl learned that “between stimulus and response, man has the freedom to choose,” Covey writes. (To learn more about Frankl’s harrowing story and inspiring insights, read Man’s Search for Meaning.)

Whatever is happening in your life, you have the freedom to choose. To choose actions that support your well-being. Actions that help you build a meaningful life. Actions that bolster you (instead of bring you down). These suggestions can help.

Realize and recognize your natural inclination.

We have a natural propensity to think that someone else is responsible for our pain. We actually like doing this. “We feel more comfortable knowing that others make us do things, said Feldman, who has a private practice in Miami Beach, Fla.

“It takes away the pressure and the responsibility. It shifts everything off of us.” Because the alternate explanation is that we’re doing this to ourselves. Which means that we have to get help for it, Feldman said. We have to take responsibility. And we may have to make changes and exert effort. Knowing this about ourselves is important because we can anticipate and acknowledge our resistance—and then focus on choosing.

Carry your own weather.

Feldman cited Covey’s first habit of highly effective people: Be proactive. According to Covey, people who are proactive don’t let the weather affect their attitude or performance (unlike reactive people, who do). Proactive people “carry their own weather.” To them it doesn’t matter whether it’s pouring or the sun is shining.

Feldman shared this example: When asked “How’s your day?” many people will say, “It’s too early to tell. Let’s see what happens.” The person who carries their own weather says, “I’ll make today awesome. I may have some bumps in the road, but I’ll get through them.”

In other words, we give away our power when we let external conditions control how we are, how we feel and how we think. You can start retaining your power by focusing on the language you use and the stories you tell yourself, Feldman said. Because what we say to ourselves will often come true.

According to Covey in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, when we say “I can’t do that. I just don’t have the time,” what we’re really saying is: “Something outside me—limited time—is controlling me.” When we say, “If only my wife were more patient,” he writes, what we’re really saying is: “Someone else’s behavior is limiting my effectiveness.”

In the book Covey shares examples of reactive versus proactive language, which we can work on adopting: Instead of “There’s nothing I can do,” say “Let’s look at our alternatives.” Instead of “That’s just the way I am,” say “I can choose a different approach.” Instead of “If only,” say “I will.”

This small—but powerful shift—in how we speak to ourselves, about ourselves and about our circumstances helps empower us to respond in ways that work for us.

Be prepared. 

Often when we try to take back our power in an interaction, the interaction simply happens too quickly. Before we know it, we’re reacting and thinking, “My coworker made me have a bad day!” This is why Feldman suggested preparing ourselves before a potentially triggering situation.

For instance, if your coworker is a certain way every day (e.g., snarky), prepare yourself for the fact that she’ll be snarky tomorrow, too. However, realize that you can deal with this, and in advance, consider another way you can respond, he said.

It also helps to take several deep breaths after something happens. This creates an interruption—a pause—between the event and your response. Which gives you a break to jump off the “they’re making me!” train.

It’s hard to acknowledge that your bad day isn’t your coworker, spouse, child or boss’s fault. It’s hard to acknowledge that you need to take responsibility for how you’re feeling and take action.* But doing so is empowering. It’s liberating and energizing to know that you are the author of your life—no matter the cast of characters or plot twists.

You are not trapped. You are not at the mercy of someone else’s behavior or schedule. After all, you have the freedom to choose.

* Please note that when I talk about how you’re feeling, I’m not referring to a sinking mood or mania or anything else caused by depression, bipolar disorder or any other condition. Because if you have an illness, you cannot choose your mood or symptoms. However, fortunately, you can choose to get help.

melking/Bigstock

from World of Psychology http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/08/04/how-you-might-be-unwittingly-relinquishing-your-power-and-how-to-get-it-back/

Depression and Men: Why It’s Hard to Ask for Help

Fans surprised Supernatural star Jared Padalecki at Comic-Con on Sunday, July 12, by lighting candles in the audience — over 7,000 of them — as a thank you for opening up about his struggles with depression and as a tribute to his Always Keep Fighting campaign that supports people struggling with depression, self-injury, addiction, or suicidal thoughts. You can see Padalecki’s Tweet here:

View from stage. #ComicCon pic.twitter.com/aIy04Cf6ak

— Jared Padalecki (@jarpad) July 12, 2015

During filming of the third season of Supernatural, Padalecki broke down in his trailer after shooting an episode. A doctor soon diagnosed him with clinical depression; he was 25 at the time.

According to a June 2015 report from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, close to one in 10 American men suffers from depression or anxiety, but fewer than half get treatment. The poll of more than 21,000 men also found that among younger males, blacks and Hispanics are less likely than whites to report mental health symptoms.

More than 39 percent of the men under age 45 said they had either taken medication or visited a mental health professional for daily anxiety or depression during the previous year, putting these younger men roughly on a par with the estimated 42 percent of “older men” (those 45 years and above) who said they had done the same.

In a September 2014 paper published in Qualitative Health Research, a team of Australian professors explored the problem of stigma as a barrier to men seeking help for mental health. They analyzed portrayals of men’s communication about depression in news articles over a five-year period. They found that by presenting media clips in which men were open about depression, and therefore experienced positive outcomes in their recovery, they could challenge the stigma associated with male depression. According to the abstract:

We suggest that portraying depression as something that impacts a plurality of men is one way that media messages might dispel stigma. We drew recommendations from the findings about the language that could be used by media, mental health campaigns, and health service providers to mitigate the impact of stigma on men’s mental health help seeking.

This is exactly what Padalecki has done in his open confession. In a powerful media clip, he has broken down the walls of stigma that are especially thick for men, and joins other celebrity spokespeople for mental health such as actor Jon Hamm, columnist Art Buchwald, TV host Stephen Colbert, astronaut Buzz Aldrin, performer Adam Ant, Hall of Fame quarterback Terry Bradshaw, television personality Dick Clark, and journalist Mike Wallace.

“I think it’s less socially acceptable for men to be depressed or anxious,” says my friend Thomas, a college professor who has experienced depression and anxiety. “It can be, and has been, written off to women’s hormones or body chemistry in ways that it tends not to be for males, who (it turns out) also have hormones and body chemistry. I think male depression is seen as bearing too much stress from the outside, whereas female depression tends to be seen as something internal — if not self-generated, at least self-originating.

“If it’s true that depression is perceived as a woman’s illness, and I’m inclined to think it is,” Thomas tells me, “it adds a layer to this that is at least an implicit attack on one’s masculinity. And if that’s not an onramp to a vicious cycle, I’m not sure what is.”

In an interview in the Johns Hopkins Depression and Anxiety Bulletin, Peter V. Rabins, MD, professor of psychiatry at Johns Hopkins School of Medicine in Maryland, explains some of the differences between male and female depression:

Men — more commonly than women — are likely to feel angry, irritable, and frustrated rather than sad when depressed.

Instead of withdrawing from the world, men may act recklessly or develop a compulsive interest in … a new hobby. Instead of crying, men may engage in violent behavior.

Men also are more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol when in the midst of a depression, perhaps to find relief from the pain of depressive feelings.

Changes in sleep habits, such as insomnia or feelings of exhaustion, and appetite changes are often recognized as signs of depression in both men and women, but it’s less well known that headaches; joint, back, or muscle pain; dizziness; chest pain; and digestive problems also may be symptoms. Men report these physical symptoms more often than women, although they are often unaware the symptoms are linked to depression.

I asked my friend Ted, who struggles with depression, if that’s true — if he gets more mad than sad.

“I rarely feel anger when I’m going through a depressed phase,” says Ted. “I often don’t feel much at all, which is particularly awful. Tears come and go with no perceptible trigger — a real bonus is when I’m in public. I find it difficult to open up about this in general, but others open up to me, and that, in turn, helps me bring my issues up for discussion.”

This made me think that while men can experience depression differently, we need to be wary of throwing all mood disorders into two big boxes: male and female. I know plenty of women who respond with rage, not tears, and many men who would be smart to buy stock in Kleenex.

I agree with the Australian professors. The more men — especially celebrity men — discussing symptoms in Tweets and YouTube bites, the better chances we have of increasing the statistic of men who seek treatment for depression.

Padalecki recently told Variety:

I, for a long time, have been passionate about people dealing with mental illness and struggling with depression, or addiction, or having suicidal thoughts and, strangely enough, it’s almost like the life I live, as well. These characters that we play on Supernatural, Sam and Dean, are always dealing with something greater than themselves, and I’ve sort of learned from the two of them that they get through it with each other, and with help and with support.

“There’s no shame in having to fight every day,” Padalecki says. “If you’re still alive to hear these words or read this interview, then you are winning your war. You’re here.”

Join the “Men’s Group” on ProjectBeyondBlue.com, the new depression community.

Originally posted on Sanity Break at Everyday Health.

Kasia Bialasiewicz/Bigstock

from World of Psychology http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/08/04/depression-and-men-why-its-hard-to-ask-for-help/

Crippled by Self-Doubt? Your Impostor Syndrome Could Have Roots in Childhood

Do you ever feel like you somehow got away with landing your job without truly deserving it? Do you feel super uncomfortable when your boss praises your work, because you’re sure you haven’t earned it? Do you have a fear of being “found out,” exposed for not being experienced, talented, successful or knowledgeable enough for your job?

You might be experiencing something called Impostor Syndrome. And you wouldn’t be alone: over 70% of people report experiencing Impostor Syndrome at some point in their career.

What Is Impostor Syndrome?

People who suffer from Impostor Syndrome feel inadequacy and chronic self-doubt that persists even in the face of information that invalidates that feeling. Impostor Syndrome makes people feel like an intellectual fraud: unable to recognize — let alone celebrate — their successes and achievements.

Impostor Syndrome is particularly common among successful professionals who have reached the upper echelons of success as defined by their industry, age group or gender. They may stop to look around from their perch as they rise in their career and suddenly panic that they’re phonies. They believe they’ve managed to convince everyone around them of their worthiness.

What’s more, given that professionals at the top of their fields really do experience greater pressure and higher stakes (if an intern screws up, it’s not that big of a deal, but if a VP flubs, it could cost the company money and people their jobs), conditions are ripe for feeling inadequate.

But what are the origins of Impostor Syndrome? Why do some people fall victim to it, and others don’t?

Where Does Impostor Syndrome Come From?

Psychologists believe that, like many other habitual thought patterns, Impostor Syndrome could be rooted in family background and the parenting style with which one was raised.

Let’s drill down to some specific facets of upbringing that could influence the likelihood of developing Impostor Syndrome.

Undeserved Praise

If your parents or other significant adults in your life (a grandparent, a family friend, a much older sibling) gave you acknowledgement for things you didn’t think you deserved praise for, you might have become instilled with the sense that you were a phony.

Were you told you were a “good girl” or “good boy” frequently? Were you applauded for your skills as an athlete, your artistic aptitude, or your math smarts when you knew based on comparison to your peers that you weren’t particularly distinguished in that arena? In some cases, you may have started to think of your output and ability as a sham.

No Praise at All

On the flip side, if you never received praise at all — even for something impressive (such as a batting a home run, earning straight A’s, nabbing the lead role in the school play) — you probably learned to think of yourself as inadequate and rarely up to snuff.

Everyone, from the youngest child to the most mature adult, relishes and requires praise in order to nurture their self-esteem and sense of self-worth. Receiving intermittent, conditional praise or receiving none at all can breed deep insecurity. For children, that need for positive attention is greatest. If you didn’t have that need met, it could continue to skew your self-regard even as an adult.

Lack of Entitlement

If you were disciplined as a child using language like “Your brother deserves to sit up front because he ate his spinach and you didn’t,” or “You don’t deserve to have dessert because you didn’t clean your room,” you might have drawn the natural conclusion that you just generally weren’t a deserving person. If the idea of deserving was directly tied to punishment, it might have curdled your understanding of what it means to truly deserve something.

Family Labels

If you grew up with siblings, you may have identified with a certain role in the family, like the “smart one,” the “sensitive one,” the “competitive one” and so on. The danger of those family labels is that they can be hard to shed even if a child’s behavior and disposition adapt away from that defining perception.

This can lead to deep self-doubt when an individual’s personal view of themselves doesn’t match up with what they’ve always been defined as and recognized for. For example, if you were always known as the competitive one compared to your siblings, but also excelled in the classroom, you may not have been congratulated that much on your academic achievements. That could lead you to doubt how smart you actually are.

4 Tips To Cope With Chronic Self-Doubt

Ultimately, the fix for Impostor Syndrome is to eliminate the underlying beliefs potentially rooted in your childhood that make you feel as though you don’t deserve your success. That said, clearly it’s not so easy to switch off a set of beliefs that have been instilled in you for years, possibly your entire life.

In the meantime, as you work towards breaking down intrinsic beliefs in order to truly luxuriate in your well-deserved triumphs, try these four suggestions for coping with Impostor Syndrome:

Think Quality, Not Quantity

Oftentimes, people who suffer from Impostor Syndrome measure themselves objectively against a ridiculously unattainable standard. They then (of course) conclude that they’re bogus even when they’re praised.

Try to think about success in terms of quality as opposed to picturing it as a quantitative commodity. There’s no yardstick for professional success, so you’re where you are in your career because you earned your way there, not because you’re in a certain percentile or got a certain score or had certain boxes checked.

Embrace Praise Objectively

The next time you’re given a compliment, internalize it as fact. Don’t judge yourself against what was said, or analyze it for deeper meaning. Just accept it.

Stop The Word Vomit

Don’t explain away your successes by revealing all the various reasons why what you did wasn’t really that impressive. When you do that, you’re trying to quell the discomfort you feel in being recognized for something you feel you don’t deserve. Instead, when you get a compliment, practice saying “Thanks! I’m glad it worked out” and move on.

Take Luck Out Of The Equation

Remove the word “lucky” from your vocabulary when it comes to describing your accomplishments. True, there is such a thing as being in the right place at the right time. But even in auspicious circumstances, hard work and technical ability are required for success. You aren’t “lucky” you got the promotion, won the RFP or nailed the presentation. You put in the time and the effort. You earned it.

As you strive to become comfortable with internalizing your achievements, it may be helpful to assess how your upbringing influenced your feelings of security and self-worth.

The best news is that Impostor Syndrome is prevalent across all industries, genders and races, so if you’re feeling like an impostor then many people around you are, too. Not everyone across the entire modern workplace can be faking it day in and day out. Translation: you’re just as good as you’re told you are by your boss, colleagues, contacts, family, and friends.

Melody J. Wilding helps ambitious professionals and entrepreneurs master their inner psychology for success and happiness. Get free tools for better career and life balance at melodywilding.com.

from World of Psychology http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/08/03/crippled-by-self-doubt-your-impostor-syndrome-could-have-roots-in-childhood/

Depression in Seniors: What You Need to Know

Depression often goes overlooked, under-diagnosed and untreated in adults 65 years old and older. Symptoms tend to get dismissed as a standard part of aging. But they’re anything but. Depression is a serious illness that disrupts lives and increases the risk for suicide. Thankfully, however, it is treatable. Very treatable.

In her excellent, eye-opening book Depression in Later Life: An Essential Guide psychologist Deborah Serani, Psy.D, sheds light on this prevalent disorder. She shares a slew of vital facts, research and case studies about what depression looks like in seniors and what helps to treat it. Below are five important insights from Serani’s book that everyone should know.

Depression is all-too common in seniors.

Depression affects about 7 percent of seniors worldwide. It affects about 15 percent of seniors in America. Yet 90 percent don’t get diagnosed or properly treated. Part of the problem is that depression gets mistaken for other age-related issues, such as memory loss, muscle or joint weakness and medication side effects, Serani writes. 

Depression may manifest differently in seniors.

Like younger individuals, seniors may experience sleep problems and loss of interest in activities they previously enjoyed. However, according to Serani, “Studies suggest seniors experience more structural changes in the brain and vascular issues, and aren’t aware that they’re feeling depressed.”

Seniors with depression tend to feel more irritated than depressed. They report more somatic complaints. They experience anxiety, unrest or feelings of fear or insecurity. Seniors might forget to eat or eat less. “Neurological changes from depression disrupt brain structures that often blunt the sense of smell and taste, which can leave the elderly with a decreased enjoyment of food,” Serani writes.

Seniors with depression more frequently have impairments in thinking, reasoning, memory and sustained effort. (Which explains why depression gets confused with memory loss.) They also often feel empty, numb and hopeless. Some are unable to cry.

Subclinical depression is more common in seniors than major depression.

That means that seniors experience some but not all the symptoms needed to receive a diagnosis of depression. It also means that they still suffer. The symptoms are still disruptive and troublesome. About 25 percent of seniors have subclinical depression. Sometimes, symptoms improve on their own. Other times they lead to major depression. Which is why it’s important to share how you’re feeling—and to seek a second opinion if your concerns are brushed aside.

Seniors are actually at greatest risk for suicide.

In particular, men 85 years and older have the highest rate of suicide. According to histories of people who died by suicide and interviews with seniors who’ve attempted suicide, five main risk factors have been identified. One risk factor is psychiatric illness. About 80 percent struggle with depression. A second risk factor is the inability to cope with stressors. Seniors at risk may have poor problem solving, anxiety and obsessive traits.

A third factor is chronic illness and pain. Seniors who were recently discharged from the hospital or nursing home have an increased risk for suicide. According to Serani, pain is “intrusive, demands attention, interrupts a sense of peace, slams to a stop any activity you’re doing, is physically unbearable, and is mentally inescapable. Pain leaves a senior feeling defeated, helpless and overwhelmed by seeking relief, which can often lead to the decision to die by suicide.”

A fourth factor is social disconnection. Seniors who lack social support or feel like they don’t have any support and experience rocky relationships are especially vulnerable. A final risk factor is functional impairment. That is, seniors who are unable to care for themselves the way they used to or have to rely on others for basic tasks feel inadequate. Their self-esteem may plummet. Risk also significantly goes up for seniors who have depression and are losing their physical or cognitive abilities.

Suicide frequently comes with warning signs—but they’re often overlooked.

Seventy-five percent of people who die by suicide exhibit warning signs. The problem is that loved ones and even professionals may miss, misunderstand or minimize these signs in seniors. They may feel helpless and unsure of what to do. They may understand their desire to die and respond with silence.

However, Serani stressed the importance that any warning sign should be seen as an emergency and treated as such. She features this list of warning signs for late-life suicide:

• Avoidant, secretive
• Breaking medical regimens or halting treatments
• Buying items that if used are lethal: rope, poison, gasoline, plastic bags, aspirin
• Distancing oneself from religious or faith-based activities
• Giving things away; money, possessions
• Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs
• Making arrangements for issues to be taken care of by others
• Making changes in wills
• No longer engaging in self-care and grooming
• Purchasing a firearm
• Preoccupation with death
• Remarks or statements that reflect a lack of concern about personal safety: It’s no big deal if I don’t wear a seatbelt. I think people live too long these days.
• Remarks or statements that reflect a time limit on being alive: I don’t think I’ll be around this Christmas. This is the last time you’ll see me.
• Researching ways to die by searching online
• Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge
• Stock-pilling medication
• Suddenly happier, calmer
• Suddenly wanting to visit or call people
• Talking about being a burden to others
• Talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live
• Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain
• Talking about where to find paperwork, wills, bank statements, etc.
• Talking about wanting to die

Depression is a difficult and devastating illness. But, again, it’s also highly treatable. The key is to see a therapist and/or primary care physician for a comprehensive evaluation. If you’re struggling with the above symptoms, please seek help. If your loved one is struggling, please help them to seek help.

There is always hope. Always. Please, don’t throw away your shot.

Kasia Bialasiewicz/Bigstock

from World of Psychology http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/08/03/depression-in-seniors-what-you-need-to-know/

Family Matters: Self-Preservation Tips

“Maybe when he is older, he will understand mental health’s impact. He will have a girlfriend and, one day, he will get it,” my late mother whispers to me.

I nod, more to appease my weary mother. Her eyes glow when discussing her three sons. With an infectious cackle and mischievous smile, she would tease me about my eccentricities. When I absentmindedly misplaced that night’s homework assignment, she would endearingly refer to me as “Barnacle Breath.”

The emotional beacon for three fiercely competitive boys, Mom was the family anchor. Her three boys adored her, basking in hard-fought praise. Mom’s transcendent personality — the dazzling smile, the stern glare, the pragmatism and pride — invited all into her rich life. She lived, even as her body slowly capitulated to pancreatic cancer’s poison.

Underneath that hearty chuckle, though, there was a silent pain. Proud and private, she agonized over her eldest son’s mental health struggles.

My mental health issues first surfaced in high school. The inner torment swirled as I graduated from a selective undergraduate institution. Law school, and its cauldron of overachievers, threatened my emotional equilibrium. First year was a blur of consultations, classes, and clonazepam. But disciplined and determined, I graduated from law school with a solid GPA and service honors.

Cause for celebration? Sure. But, as we know, mental health can torpedo all celebrations. While in law school, my brother — a gregarious, molten-tempered personality — learned about my mental health struggles. His reaction: a potent brew of disdain and incredulity.

Misunderstanding mental health, our relationship deteriorated into short, clipped exchanges. I read the hysterical emails and overheard the enraged calls. “Matt is ‘crazy’ and ‘mentally unstable. He has made up ‘OCD’ to create sympathy.’” I hurt — for myself but, more so, for our beloved mother. Mom, sacrificing so much for her boys, was entangled in family discord. Clinging to a sense of self-righteousness, my brother and I and, by association, our devoted mother, each lost.

My brother is likable, funny, and smart. He is, at his core, good people. But his reaction reflects a fundamental misperception about mental health: it is a character flaw, not a chemical imbalance.

As mental health consumers, we expect family members to understand the emotional turmoil churning in our overcharged minds. As my brother’s stinging rebuke shows, familial dynamics complicate.

As I have gotten older, I have learned to accept this cold reality. From brothers to business executives, mental health vexes. As a result, we have to exercise caution when divulging our story.

Here are tips to empower yourself and preserve your own (mental) health:

• Distance yourself from toxic personalities. 
  Some people thrive on criticism, harping on others’ flaws and shortcomings. Their criticism is draining, sapping you of emotional energy. Remove yourself from these unhealthy situations.
• Establish firm boundaries. 
  You are your health’s foremost advocate. You don’t have to answer every question about your mental health. In a lot of cases, less is more.
• Enlist the support of mental health groups. 
  We are a community, an extended family of sorts. We understand your elation, pain, and every contradictory emotion in between. From National Alliance on Mental Illness to the Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder Foundation, we can provide a list of resources or just a sympathetic ear.

In short, be confident about your confidants. And, one day, your irascible brother, skeptical boss, and society will “get it.”

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from World of Psychology http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/08/03/family-matters-self-preservation-tips/