Expert Tips for Overcoming Food Addiction

Here’s how to take that first small step.

Food addiction is real. And if you’re struggling with food addiction, know that you’re not alone — I’ve been there, too. In fact, the younger you are, the more likely it’s your struggle.

From my past experience as a compulsive overeater, I suspect that many food addictions act as pacifiers for pain, fears, and anxieties, and even as ways to celebrate emotional spikes that are positive. Food seems to act as a life enhancer, while offering the illusion of short-term emotional balance.

As a food addict, you’ve established neural pathways and automatic responses for coping with life’s situations. Think of these food-related responses as deep, behavioral ruts that have become roads to regrets.

Since there is no one best way to deal with long-standing, destructive habits, each individual must find their own natural rhythm and variety of viable action.

Psychologists and neuroscientists can find many valid reasons in an individual’s past and physiognomy for addictions and other issues involving food, such as binge eating, anorexia and bulimia.

Though valuable for understanding and making long-term progress, I’ve found that focusing on your own awareness, sensitivity, and behavioral choices can lead to more immediate, accessible actions.

10 Signs That Your “Food Issues” Are Out of Control

Although I’ve been overweight or obese at various times of my life, my self-confidence seems to have minimal connection to how much I actually weighed. Perhaps that was an example of denial, a typical response in addiction.

For example, when I look at early photos of myself, I see I was probably no more than 20 pounds overweight. This may seem like a lot to you, but it’s minor in comparison to my eventual weight gain, when I peaked at 205 pounds with a 5’4” frame.

At one time, I felt like I tried everything to break my food addiction. I tried psychoanalysis, Overeaters Anonymous, various diets, calorie counting, food logs, portion awareness, and weekly weight check ins.

I eventually came to realize that it was not the number of pounds, but rather the see-sawing focus on being fat and the sensual, very short-term pleasure of food that were my distractions from healthy choices and actions.

This showed in combined habits of thinking, feeling, and eating that contributed to staying fat … and becoming fatter. Ingrained habits affected my aesthetic and social choices, from choosing clothes to the types of relationships I chose.

Over a long time, I’ve created a better, healthier life for myself — and I’ve reached a more manageable and healthy weight. Now, looking back to learn, I am in a unique position to recognize why there was no direct relationship between how much I weighed and my level of confidence in the past.

While, sure, I felt and looked better at lower weights, I eventually realized that my acceptance and level of comfort with myself was more consistently tied to a variety of other factors — none of them weight-related.

These other factors that affected my sense of self-worth, included:

• Accomplishing personal and professional goals for myself and contributing to others’ progress.
• Improving relationships, including being with people who are stimulating and good-hearted.
• Being creative, adventurous, and curious.
• Enjoying daily life, including putting myself together well.
• Making authentic choices in behavior, work, and other activities.

So, with time, I escaped the “When I’m thin, then …” thinking and made some progress with other important aspects of living a satisfying life.

While not an overnight shift in thinking, it ws actually a health trigger that finally motivated me to let go of using food as an escape: My cholesterol was increasing and I was beginning to be at risk of diabetes. A variety of medicines did not work, and I wanted to avoid their lifelong use as much as possible.

Then, in what seemed like a flash (but was really fear of increasing ill health), I decided to go vegan about four years ago.

As I started working with the vegan approach, I immediately saw two results: Tempting food was no longer available, and I had to become more conscious of food and purchasing choices.

Within about a month of making this change, my eating compulsion weakened.

As my palate changed, sweets became too cloying. My stomach shrunk to a size that could take in only normal amounts of food comfortably.

A few years ago, I decided I needed more protein and added fish, becoming a pescatarian. Slowly, and after consulting with my internist and nutritionist about my dietary cohices, I continued to lose weight. My body proportions improved even more.

This movement forward does not mean that I never over-indulge; I just do it infrequently, move on quickly, and avoid berating myself when it happens.

You Need to Kick Your Junk Food Habit

Now, with about 15 more pounds to lose eventually, my cholesterol and blood sugar numbers are out of the danger zone, and I enjoy wearing smaller sizes that have been waiting in the closet.

Based on my experience, observation, and study, I’ve become convinced that patience and persistence, as well as good, conscious choices, are key to moving beyond food addiction.

Since they are both within yourself, you have the power to improve your situation, but only over time. Though not a quick fix, hope lies in the choices you can — and will — make. The challenge is how to become ready to take the first small steps.

To make progress toward overcoming your food addiction, start where you know you have the most influence in your life — with yourself:

1. Be Honest with Yourself About What’s Holding You Back from Progress.

• How do you see your body, and to what or to whom do you compare yourself? (By the way, the average U.S. women’s size is 14.)
• What thoughts and emotions do you associate with food and eating?
• What gets in the way of improving your eating and exercise habits?
• What emotions are catalysts in unhealthy eating and drinking at the time you indulge, and what can you do to minimize their influence or work through them?

2. Identify Social or Environmental Pressures That Lead to Over-Eating.

• What are the social pressures that influence your eating habits? This may include get-togethers and meetings involving food, where there is little choice about what to eat and drink.
• What can you do to minimize the negative effects of these social pressures and norms? Consider eating something healthy beforehand, letting people know you want to eat in healthy ways and asking them to help you, or suggesting alternative activities, such as taking a walk, seeing an exhibit, or sitting and talking in a park.
• What environments stimulate unhealthy eating and exercise tendencies? Examples include passive or sedentary situations, reading magazines that tout perfect bodies, food ads, and overly rigorous exercise models.

3. Make a Plan for Action.

• Now that you’ve done some internal investigation, what’s one, manageable goal for improvement will you set for yourself? For example, walking briskly for 30 minutes a day twice a week, keeping a food diary, adding two helpings each of vegetables and fruits to daily meals, consulting with a nutritionist, or joining a support group.
• Write down one action step that you will do within the next 24 hours. It doesn’t have to be a big or powerful change — any small step is a step in the right direction.
• Next, write down one action step and schedule what you will do within the next week, and schedule time for it on your calendar.
• Keep this pattern of daily and weekly actions going, adjusting it to your needs, preferences, and experiences. If you wish, review all of your responses to the above questions regularly to help you stay motivated and to identify what to continue and what to modify.
• On your own, or with a partner or expert, develop a more long-term, practical plan with incentives and rewards that work well for you. Just make sure there’s enough wiggle room to allow for daily realities! A plan, no matter how well thought out, is only valuable, if it’s attainable, productive, and suited to your nature.

4. Keep Your Expectations Realistic.

• Be kind to yourself during this challenge process, and avoid focusing on slips and self-criticism. Instead, pick yourself up and start again by setting modest, manageable goals.
• Be alert to unhelpful patterns and people, and try to stop their influence in a timely way.
• Acknowledge any progress you make with incentives and rewards you enjoy. Perhaps you’ll treat yourself to a massage or other sensual pleasure after a week of regular exercise, or take a weekend road trip with good company after a month of healthier eating.
• Don’t be afraid to rely on others — be it friends, family or professionals — for help. Making change is hard, and it’s not always attainable without support and cheerleading.
• Lastly, relish the present, and expand other aspects of your life that have meaning. Remember, you’re so much more than your food addiction.

This guest article originally appeared on YourTango.com: How To Start Overcoming Your Food Addiction (As Told By A Fellow Struggler).

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/expert-tips-for-overcoming-food-addiction/

A Counterintuitive Approach to Your Irritable Teen

Some things about raising teens are counterintuitive. Like knowing that when they’re irritable or angry and you feel rejected, it may not work to tell them you feel hurt by how they’re treating you. And knowing that if you tell them you feel bad about a mistake you made that affected them, it may ruin the positive effect of taking responsibility.

Revealing vulnerable feelings can backfire in certain situations and bring on or exacerbate irritability and anger in teens. Such feedback is typically a good thing and serves to repair or deescalate conflict in relationships. Saying that you feel bad about how you affected the other person is often an essential part of an apology that works. And making people aware of the impact they’re having on you when they’re lost in their own reactions can allow them to see your humanity and “come to,” as well as help kids develop emotional intelligence when empathic skills are needed. But with certain teens and parents, it can be a different story.

Tyler, 17, was a good-hearted kid and well liked, especially by adults. Battling with anxiety and ADHD, Tyler was easily frustrated, overwhelmed, and susceptible to feeling like a failure. At home, he could be irritable and withdrawn — frequently overreacting when feeling exposed, mistrusted or challenged in any way. Though there was a strong love and mutual attachment between Tyler and his mom, he often seemed annoyed with her, which made her feel rejected. Keenly aware of his vulnerability to feel demoralized, and sensitive herself to Tyler’s reactions, his mom often tiptoed around difficult topics.

One day, when Tyler’s mom was dropping him off at the airport for a weekend trip, she was uncertain about where she could pull the car over. Sensing Tyler’s stress and impatience, she became flustered. Tyler responded to all of this with impatience and annoyance, “Turn on your brain, mom, it’s right over here.”

“That’s very mean and hurtful, Tyler.”

“OMG — you’re so sensitive — it’s pathetic!” Tyler shot back, escalating as he opened the car door to get out.

Understandably, Tyler’s mom felt mad and offended when her son reacted this way. In telling the story, she expressed some resentment over the unfairness of it, especially since Tyler would never react this way to his dad in the same situation. However, Tyler did not experience his dad as particularly breakable.  

Why did Tyler’s mom’s feelings trigger him?

Shame and difficulty with self-regulation

Emotionally tuned-in parents can empathize too much and over-identify with teens’ emotional distress — making it easy to take teens’ reactions personally and come across as fragile. This dynamic causes teens to feel too powerful — in a negative way.

At other times, they see themselves through their parent’s worried eyes and either feel put down and mad, or take it as confirmation of their own fragility. In this example, when Tyler experienced his mom as too sensitive, too close or too worried about him, he became more irritable and angry.

Tyler’s mom was empathically linked to her son’s vulnerability, resulting in a vicarious emotional connection between them. When there’s a permeable emotional boundary, or when parents seem vulnerable, awareness of parents’ feelings can have an additive effect and further overwhelm teens.

Here, Tyler’s mom’s sensitivity activated the feelings of shame and insecurity that Tyler struggled to disown and keep at bay. He was already aware that he was being hurtful and hated himself for that. When his mom brought her hurt into focus and Tyler couldn’t distance, he experienced himself as bad and out of control — further disrupting his already compromised ability to regulate himself.

But if he feels bad, why does Tyler act angrier?

Anger as a defense against shame

In the case of struggling teens, focusing on their hurtful impact on you reinforces shame along with the need to defend against it. People will go to great lengths to ward off the intolerable experience of shame — a feeling of badness about the essence of who you are that makes you want to disappear. Anger and blaming others is a common defense against shame. This unconscious strategy effectively banishes shame for the moment by projecting it onto someone else and exposing them as the bad one. So if the goal is to help adolescents take responsibility for their behavior and behave differently, parents will fail if they approach teens in a way that reinforces defensiveness and exacerbates the reason they acted out in the first place (emotional dysregulation, need for distance, shame).

If parents are not perceived as strong enough to hold their own in the face of teens’ negative mood without getting injured (or retaliating), teens can experience themselves as destructive – fueling both anger and shame. This dynamic makes it harder for teens to own their anger and progress beyond it, even in situations when their irritability is simply that they’re mad at their parent about something.

Then what should parents do when teens are irritable or disrespectful?

When irritability escalates into being explicitly disrespectful, the objective in the heat of the moment is “simply” to contain the escalation and not make things worse. Parents can do this by disengaging and setting a limit that’s brief and to the point. For example, “I’m not going to respond to that” or “I’m going to take a break from this conversation” (and exit the situation if possible).

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/a-counterintuitive-approach-to-your-irritable-teen/

Why So Angry & Irritable? It Might Be Depression

When I talk to others about depression, most often they’ll mention the signs and symptoms so many of are familiar with: sadness, loneliness, isolation, a low mood, lack of energy, suicidal thoughts and feelings, and disrupted sleep and eating patterns. These are the common signs of depression that most people recognize.

What fewer people recognize are signs of depression when it manifests in an unusual (or hidden) way. Some people with depression become more irritable and angry with virtually every one and everything in their life. They have unaccountable mood swings, and find that nothing their co-workers, friends, family, children, or partner does is right.

What does anger and irritability have to do with depression?

Some professionals like to say, “Depression is anger turned inward.” But what happens when that anger is turned outward, even though the person wouldn’t ordinarily be angry at others? It’s likely that the interaction between depression and anger is far more complex than we realized.

It’s probably more helpful to think of depression not as an illness of mood alone, but rather as an impairment in the regulation of our emotions, as Besharat et al. (2013) note. They summarize the complex relationship between anger and depression at the start of their study:

Evidence has demonstrated a close relationship between anger and depression both in normal and patient populations. Depressed people exhibit more anger suppression than normal people. Evolutionary theories of depression suggest that aroused but arrested defenses of fight (arrested anger) and flight (feelings of entrapment) may be among the important components of depression.

However, it has been recognized that depressed people also experience more anger. Again, in the case of treatment, having some residual symptoms such as anger is related to poor therapeutic outcomes and more relapses in depressed people. Depressed people also [feel] more hostility than the normal population.

In short, many people with depression may be more likely to also experience issues with anger and irritability in ways that most people wouldn’t understand as a component of the person’s depression. How depression symptoms are experienced and experienced may also be due to additional factors, such as culture, environment, and upbringing (see, for example, Plowden et al., 2016).

Depression & Destructive Emotions

In order to better explain this complexity between depression and destructive emotions, researchers decided to explore the underlying relationship between anger and depression (Besharat et al., 2013). Researchers recruited 88 people with major depressive disorder to participate (68 women, 20 men) and administered a battery of tests designed to evaluate their depression, angry feelings, how well they could regulate their emotions, and how much they experienced ruminations about anger.¹

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We know from other research that people who suffer from depression tend to be negatively biased in their information processing — how they see the world around them. People with depression are more sensitive to cues around them for sadness and dysphoria. When given the chance to interpret neutral, positive, or negative information, they tend to do so as negatively as possible.

After running their statistical analyses, the researchers discovered a few interesting findings. “Anger and depression are related through the mediating role of emotion regulation and anger rumination,” write the researchers. In plain English, this means that a person is more likely to express the angry or irritable signs in depression if they are someone who tends to ruminate on past angry situations, or if they have difficulty in tempering their emotions. Someone who is already quick to anger due to their temperament, culture, or upbringing, for instance, would also be more predisposed to express their depression through anger.

How Can Such Depression Be Treated?

Because this type of depression seems to be centered on two key components — emotion regulation and rumination — it also suggests some low-hanging fruit to target in treatment. Rumination itself seems to predict the likelihood of depression returning in a person, so that’s a very good area for a professional to help a person with in psychotherapy anyway.

Mindfulness-based cognitive therapy seems to be particularly helpful in reducing rumination and ruminative thoughts (Segal et al., 2002; Teasdale et al., 2000). Mindfulness-based cognitive therapy is best learned in psychotherapy one-on-one with a therapist who’s been trained in this type of intervention. However, there are also many helpful sites and books on the topic of mindfulness that could help a person get started.

Emotion regulation may also be helpful in reducing feelings of anger and irritability in depression. There are a number of core strategies in emotional regulation (Leahy et al., 2011):

• Reframing or reappraising a situation — thinking about the emotion or situation causing it in a completely different way
• Suppression — inhibiting the external expression of the emotion, but still experiencing it internally
• Acceptance — accepting the emotion as you’re feeling it, but making a conscious and mindful decision to not act on that feeling

The key to understanding depression is to recognize that it is a complex disorder that may show itself differently in different people. Some depression may be hidden. It’s important to recognize that anger and irritability — especially if it’s a significant change from a person’s usual behavior — may be a sign of depression that needs attention and help.

 

References

Besharat, Mohammad Ali; Nia, Mahin Etemadi; Farahani, Hojatollah. (2013). Anger and major depressive disorder: The mediating role of emotion regulation and anger rumination. Asian Journal of Psychiatry, 6, 35-41.

Leahy, R.L., Tirch, D., & Napolitano, L.A. (2011). Emotion Regulation in Psychotherapy: A Practitioner’s Guide 1st Edition. The Guilford Press, New York.

Plowden, Keith O.; Adams, Linda Thompson; Wiley, Dana. (2016). Black and blue: Depression and African American men. Archives of Psychiatric Nursing, 30, 630-635.

Segal, Z.V., Williams, M., Teasdale, J.D., 2002. Mindfulness-based Cognitive Therapy for Depression: A New Approach to Preventing Relapse. Guildford Publications, New York.

Teasdale, J.D., Segal, Z.V., Williams, J.M.G., Ridgeway, V.A., Soulsby, J.M., Lau, M.A., 2000. Prevention of relapse/recurrence in major depression by mindfulnessbased cognitive therapy. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 68, 615–623.

Footnotes:

1. Respectively, the measures used are the Beck Depression Inventory, the Multidimensional Anger Inventory, the Cognitive Emotion Regulation Questionnaire (CERQ), and the Anger Rumination Scale (ARS).

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/why-so-angry-irritable-it-might-be-depression/

Having a Healthy Relationship When Your Partner Has ADHD

It’s worth it, but you need to know this.

Are you in a relationship with someone who has ADHD or ADD?

This is a question that I have been pondering recently.

A few months back I had to break up with someone who I loved very much because he was making me unhappy. I have spent a lot of time since then very angry and hurt because I felt like he didn’t even try.

And then, this week, I was doing some research on Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) for a client and it hit me — my man could very well have ADD!

The resulting behaviors made staying with him very difficult for me. And I am sure those same behaviors make living life very difficult for him. Maybe it wasn’t that he didn’t try but that he couldn’t try.

I have learned that many people are unaware of the devastating impact ADD can have on relationships. I want to share with you what I have learned and what loving someone with ADHD is like:

1. Accept That People with ADHD Are Different.

People who struggle with ADHD are very different from those who don’t. In order to love and someone who has ADHD, it is important to understand what ADHD looks like:

• They can’t just “do it”.
  For those of us who don’t have ADHD, we can usually get something done when we buckle down, determined to do it. People with ADHD just can’t do that. They can, and do, try but often a bright shiny object distracts them and the task at hand evaporates.
• They tend to live on the edge.
  People with ADHD can be constantly living on the edge, looking for that next thing that will make them feel something. This could mean doing drugs or having lots of sex or jumping out of airplanes. Whatever it takes for them to feel like they are alive and in control.
• They can have low self-esteem.
  Because of a lifetime spent struggling to do the most basic tasks and the derision that often comes from other people when they feel let down, people with ADHD struggle from a chronic lack of self-esteem. This lack of self-esteem can cause intense depression and actually lead to increased cognitive deficiencies.
• They struggle to listen or remember or keep promises and might always interrupt you.
  The minds of people with ADHD go a mile a minute. Much faster than the rest of us. Because of this, they are easily distracted by the next thing, as opposed to what is in front of them. As a result, they might not remember what is said to them. They want to but they can’t.
• They often struggle at work.
  Because they have a hard time completing tasks and staying focused, people with ADHD sometimes always struggle at work. To be successful at work, people with ADHD need two things: a boss who understands them and an excellent support staff. Without these things, success will be very hard to attain. Not impossible but very difficult. This can lead to additional self-esteem issues.
• They will struggle to make anything a priority.
  For people with ADHD, there are two kinds of time — “now” and “not now”. Because of this, they live completely in the moment. The concept of “moments down the road” means nothing to them.
• They are often financially challenged.
  Having the focus to keep track of their expenditures takes a tremendous amount of discipline that they just might not have.

Also, some people with ADHD love to spend money. People with ADHD are often in search of the next high, the next thing that will scratch their itch. And spending money is an excellent way to achieve that goal.

So you see: people with ADHD are different from people who aren’t. Your ADHD husband may be very different from someone else’s ADHD boyfriend! Understanding that is a key piece of loving and being in a relationship with someone who has ADHD.

10 Struggles Only People with ADHD Understand

2. Be Willing to Compromise and Accommodate.

If you love someone who has ADHD, it’s important to be willing to compromise and accommodate their challenges. If your partner simply cannot complete a task the way that you want it done, you might need to finish it yourself.

If your partner struggles with keeping the finances in line, you might need to take on that task as well. If your partner has a hard time listening and remembering what you say, you might need to develop a system of writing things down to help him do so.

If your partner suffers from self-esteem issues or struggles at work, you might have to spend a disproportionate amount of time shoring him up. If your partner takes risks or spends too much money, you might have to help him manage those drives so they aren’t self-destructive.

Supporting and accommodating your loved one is a key part of living successfully together. If you can’t accommodate your loved one’s limitations, you might find yourself getting resentful and he might feel even more ashamed, which could make matters worse.

3. Be Clear with Yourself What Is Acceptable.

While it’s important to be willing to understand someone with ADHD and be willing to accommodate them when necessary, it is also important that you not compromise on things that you don’t think are acceptable.

If you find that your partner’s financial expenditures are putting your family at risk, then you can put your foot down and address the situation head-on.

If he never returns your texts or emails and isn’t available when he is needed, a system needs to be put in place to make him available.

Of course, when you love someone who has ADHD, it is important to compromise and accommodate but it is also important that you not lose sight of what is important to you.

4. Don’t Take Their Behaviors Personally.

It is essential that when loving a person with ADHD, you do not take their behaviors personally.

I have a client whose wife has ADHD. He hated to come home from the office because the house was a disaster, dinner was never ready, the kids were running around like crazy people and she was off working in the garden. He tried to explain to her how important it was to him that he not be met with chaos every time he came home.

He said to me, “If she loved me, then she would try harder to meet my needs. I even offered to help her but she refused.”

The thing was that she did love him. She just couldn’t do the things that he needed her to do.

Ironically, the hallmark of someone with ADHD is that they don’t want to ask for help. They honestly believe that if they try hard enough, they can do it all themselves.

As a result, many couples deal with the issue of one person not doing what they said they could do and the other person taking their lack of action personally.

So make an effort to not take your partner’s ADHD actions personally. It kills them that you do and they really do love you — they just forgot to take the trash out.

12 Questions to Ask Before Considering Medication for Kids with ADHD

5. Talk About It.

Communication is the key to loving someone with ADHD.

When your partner struggles with all of the things that he struggles with, and you have to work hard every day to accommodate those struggles, tensions are going to rise.

Some of the systems that you devised to make things work might stop working. Or your frustration levels with his spending money might elevate dangerously. Or he might be resentful of your repeated offers to help him finish a job.

When these things happen, it is important for the couple to take the time to talk about it. To see what they can do, together, to make whatever the issue is work.

Unfortunately, what can often develop in an uneven relationship is a parent/child dynamic, one where the non-ADHD person becomes like a parent to the ADHD-er. This is not a good dynamic for two people in a romantic relationship, for obvious reasons.

The best way to cut that dynamic short is to talk about it. Don’t make assumptions. Don’t walk away in a huff. Don’t scream and yell. Talk about it. Express your feelings and frustrations. Make a plan. Together.

Finding ways to love someone who has ADHD might seem difficult some on days but, I promise you, it’s not impossible.

People who struggle with ADHD are incredibly creative, they have a joy for living, they are full of big ideas and have a lot to give to a partner. People who struggle with ADHD are people who people want to love.

But living with people with ADHD can be a challenge, so take my advice above. Learn about how your partner struggles with ADHD. Accommodate him where you can but hold a line about what’s important to you. Talk about all of it when it becomes an issue.

And never, ever take their behaviors personally. Their behaviors are a result of their brain chemistry, not their love for you.

This guest article originally appeared on YourTango.com: The 5 Best Tips for a Happy Relationship with Someone Who Has ADHD.

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/having-a-healthy-relationship-when-your-partner-has-adhd/

The New Scapegoat for Gun Violence: Mental Illness

Our President and others have latched onto the idea that mental illness — not guns — is to blame for the gun violence plaguing our country. Labeling mental illness as the cause of gun violence grossly oversimplifies a grossly complex problem. But we like tying things up neatly. We want to quickly and easily understand who’s to blame, so pointing a finger at the mentally ill makes that easy for us.

This toxic, misplaced blame perpetuates the chronic discrimination we as a society still possess for the mentally ill, who represent a large population of Americans and who, with the same rare exception found in virtually every demographic category, occasionally behave in a violent manner. It’s ironic that we, as a nation that largely ignores, delegitimizes and under-funds mental illness, suddenly draw it into the spotlight when it’s time to blame someone other than ourselves and our outdated laws. We claim to be compassionate, yet our laws, and potential attempts to require a mental illness registry of some kind, reflect underlying contempt and distrust of the mentally ill, who suffer acutely every day of their lives, and who are deserving far more of help, and far less disdain and blame.

President Trump’s response to the recent horrific mass shooting in Florida, where 17 people were killed, was to point a finger at mental health: “So many signs that the Florida shooter was mentally disturbed, even expelled from school for bad and erratic behavior.” Later in his televised address at the White House, he pledged to “tackle the difficult issue of mental health” and to improve safety in schools, but failed to mention the guns that killed the seventeen victims.

Putting the onus on the mental health system and implementing laws that would red flag “potential threats” is arguably a step forward to prevent violence against our children and our schools. But it’s a drop in the bucket, and it turns our attention away from the real problem, which is gun accessibility.

In the United States, whenever a plane goes down or a train derails and crashes and American lives are lost, the transportation and safety authorities act very quickly. They launch full investigations and do everything in their power to prevent the accident from happening again. They leave no stone unturned, and the search for answers often goes on for months, or even years. Yet when a mass shooting occurs at a school, a theater, a place of worship or anywhere else, nobody does anything about it. Instead we send thoughts and prayers to the grieving families. But now that we are scapegoating people with mental illness and throwing them under the bus, we can pretend that we are doing something about it.

Many people still ask why we have so many mass shootings. Are we a violent nation? Should we heighten security in our schools? Should we arm teachers? So far, every answer seems to be on the table, except for fewer guns.

A 2015 study by The National Institute of Health showed that less than 5% of gun-related killings in the United States between 2001 and 2010 were committed by people diagnosed with mental illness. Another NIH study from 2016, estimated that only 4% of violence is committed by someone with a serious mental illness.

A recent article in The New York Times by Amy Barnhorst, “The Mental Health System Can’t Stop Mass Shootings,” Barnhorst reminds us that “Even if all potential mass shooters did get psychiatric care, there is no reliable cure for angry young men who harbor violent fantasies.” Or people with substance abuse issues and many other factors. In short, the mental health system has no safeguards to speak of. It is not an exact science. The proposed change in law would only weed out those who seek treatment for mental illness.

Barnhorst adds, “The reason the mental health system fails to prevent mass shootings is that mental illness is rarely the cause of such violence.” Saying that is a sweeping generalization that is both reckless and unproductive. The bottom line is, whether someone has a mental illness diagnosis or if they are angry, vengeful, or have a history of emotional instability, why not make it difficult for that person to purchase a deadly weapon? As we have seen, anyone can “snap” and take their frustrations out on others. And, if the AR-15 and other assault rifles were not available to purchase, lives would naturally be saved.

According to US News and World Report, “U.S. states that have significantly higher rates of gun ownership also have higher rates of homicides, suicides and ‘accidental’ gun deaths. Countries’ rates of gun ownership almost exactly correlate with their rates of gun deaths, with the U.S. as a complete outlier in both.” The evidence is irrefutable that we simply have too many guns available to purchase and that our laws have to change.

Here’s another point to think about. In the past few decades we have come far in destigmatizing mental illness. Tagging it as the cause for our gun violence would proliferate the remaining stigma and stereotyping. The result would be that many sufferers would stop seeking help for fear of exposure and persecution. They may return to the shadows and retreat in shame to a life of isolation again. We as a country cannot afford this type of regression. We should continue to move forward in our treatment of, and compassionate regard for, those who suffer.  

The truth is that the mentally ill are not violent, and they are already the target of scorn and fear in our society. While it is true that many shootings are carried out by individuals with some form of mental illness, most mentally ill, like most people in general, never commit a violent crime. Enacting laws that go after people with a diagnosed mental illness would result in sufferers not seeking treatment for fear of being stigmatized.

Photo attribution: Lorie Shaull

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/the-new-scapegoat-for-gun-violence-mental-illness/

Best of Our Blogs: February 27, 2018

We save certain situations as lesson worthy. Things like actual classes, and big changes from relationship beginnings to its end. But every situation can teach us something.

A stomach ache could teach us to be careful about what we eat.

A headache could remind us that rest is just as important as accomplishing.

An annoying neighbor could provide an opportunity to test our patience, acceptance and the ability to be kinder to ourselves.

You don’t have to wait for an illuminating seminar or session with a coach to improve your life, you can start with every area of your life. Let our top posts on childhood neglect, the need for approval and your relationship with emotions inspire you to tackle those life lessons.

3 Guilt And Shame Messages Of Childhood Emotional Neglect And How To Defeat Them
(Childhood Emotional Neglect) – You secretly feel inferior, struggle with happiness and can’t deal with your feelings. It’s because of these childhood messages that hold you back, but there is an antidote to your pain in this post.

How the Narcissistic Trauma Bond Ensnares
(The Exhausted Woman) – It’s the reasons why you deny abusive behavior from a narcissist.

10 Facts You Need To Know About Emotions
(Cultivating Contentment & Happiness) – There are things you believe about emotions that are hurting you and your relationships. Find out what they are here.

No More Incest!
(Full Heart, Empty Arms) – Why does incest get perpetuated? Is our culture responsible? A few important thoughts on a disturbing trend.

How to Avoid the Validation Trap
(Change Your Mind, Change Your Life) – These three strategies will pull you out of the trap of needing approval and validation.

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/best-of-our-blogs-february-27-2018/

O Psychotherapy, Where Art Thou?

As I was driving home from a trip to the local hardware store I was channel-surfing until I heard a radio talk show physician say, "Today I am going to examine the ills of psychiatric medicines."

Now, that caught my attention. This was going to be my kind of entertainment. First, let me admit my own bias upfront. Although I worked with psychiatrists for years, I am not a huge fan of psychiatric medicinals. Yes, they can be helpful, but I don't believe they should be advertised day, night, and seemingly every minute in between. These brain drugs (as Dr. William Glasser, the father of reality therapy was fond of calling them) come with heaping doses of side effects.

Just listen to the conclusion of any television ad released by the pharmaceutical industry and you'll be saying "he got that right."

As I listened to the doc on the radio, who clearly had an alternative functional medicine slant, I must say she really did her homework. I mean she was seriously armed to the teeth with facts and figures. With every jab she took at the prescription drugs for mental health she backed her allegations up with journal articles, studies, and meta-analysis data.

She boasted that she would be willing to debate any psychiatric or other medical doctor who was listening. Sadly, none called.

She covered it all. The horrific side effects of the drugs. The studies where prescriptions were useless or worse yet made the client more depressed or anxious. Then there was a discussion of how anti-depressants caused folks who were depressed to become suicidal; hence the so-called black box warnings on some of these wannabe miracle pills.

She explored research where safer alternative supplements won out. And, who could forget those random double blind experiments she rattled off where the placebo fared as well as the highly advertised meds.

This was so great. But the best part was yet to come. After the commercial break (which was not sponsored by a drug company . . . yes!) she was going to talk about superior interventions. I just knew this is where psychotherapy was going to walk away with the grand prize.

Sure enough, as soon as the commercial ended the good doctor began listing a host of things to help folks with emotional issues. Some of these included: yoga, meditation, massage, chiropractic interventions, exercise, tai chi, getting enough sleep, drinking adequate water, negative ion generators in the home and the car, helping someone else in need, herbal remedies, minerals such as lithium orotate, and on and on and on.

Since I was pulling into my garage as she was going over her seemingly endless list I sat patiently with the engine off waiting for the information about psychotherapy.

Certainly, all of her interventions had some merit but, I felt like popping a lithium orotate capsule chased by a hit of Prozac myself when I heard, "Okay, well that does it for this week's show. Next week I'm going help our listeners tackle blood sugar difficulties."

Blood sugar? Did she say, "blood sugar?" Yes Howard she said, "blood sugar." Quite frankly I was stunned. I just knew my day would turn around.

Several hours later a friend who was going back to college after many years in the business world called to say he was writing a paper on happiness. The assignment dictated that he should use YouTube sources and therefore he wanted me to have a look at his video references.

After punching in key words related to happiness, he had videos put together by physical trainers, alternative health experts, inspirational speakers, business management types, a multi-level marketing (MLM) guru, and perhaps most interesting, a 16 year old who usually talks about make up strategies, but decided she needed to dedicate a video to emotional health. And to round out the field -- thank god for small favors -- a couple of research and social psychologists.

What about trained, licensed psychotherapists? I regret to say the psychotherapists were MIA. Or as they say in the baseball world: their bats were silent.

To be sure, neither of the aforementioned incidents included in my day from hell was very scientific. But it did make me wonder. Has the golden age of psychotherapy come and gone?

Indeed, this is a different time and a different place; a whole new era, if you will.

Have Ellis, Rogers, Wolpe, Satir, Erickson, and Frankl been replaced by a young woman who normally gives advice about shades of blush? I was just about to say "absolutely not," when a rather scary free association whispered, "Howard, don't be so sure." 

from http://www.psychotherapy.net/blog/title/o-psychotherapy-where-art-thou

Are You a ‘Work Martyr’? 10 Signs Your Career Is Taking Over Your Life

Americans are taking less vacation time than ever before not only to show dedication, but also to simply keep up with the demands they face.

Today being “crazy busy” is a way of life. This pressure to stay competitive combined with the 24/7, always-on reality has contributed to a well-documented rise in burn out. In fact, nearly 40 percent of employees say they actually want to be seen as a “work martyr” by their boss.

According to Project: Time Off, a work martyr is defined as someone who feels a sense of shame for taking time off. They are driven to overwork out of fear that they’re disposable or otherwise not valuable if they aren’t burning the candle at both ends.

Work martyrs live in a constant state of being overwhelmed, wearing their all-work-no-play status like a badge of honor. In my experience, I’ve found many self-proclaimed work martyrs also battle with low confidence, poor self-esteem, and have a tendency to be people pleasers — putting other’s needs before their own.

While being a hard worker and team player is admirable, the extreme stress of overworking can turn destructive and harm both your health and relationships.

10 Warning Signs That You’re a Work Martyr

Do you think your hard work and hustle may be veering into work martyr territory?

Here are a few red flags to watch out for.

1. You reply to emails as you see them, no matter the time of day or urgency.
2. If you receive feedback that is less than glowing, it severely alters your mood for the rest of the day.
3. You eat lunch at your desk every day.
4. You go into work even when you’re sick.
5. You think you’re the glue that holds everything together for your team.
6. You complain to anyone who will listen about your long hours and crushing workload.
7. You silently judge others when they leave work early or take off for family reasons.
8. You can’t remember the last time you spent an entire weekend or holiday away from your computer or phone.
9. You have to do everything yourself because you don’t trust others on your team to do the job up to your standards.
10. At social events you don’t have much else to talk about besides work, because it’s your number one interest.

Overworking can be a hard cycle to break, but it can be done by knowing your limits and creating better boundaries.

By allowing yourself to relinquish the victim role, you’ll open yourself up to creating healthier relationships with your work, your colleagues, your friends and family, and most importantly, yourself.

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/are-you-a-work-martyr-10-signs-your-career-is-taking-over-your-life/

Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

“The best things in life are often waiting for you at the exit ramp of your comfort zone”. – Karen Salmansohn

It’s only human to like to be comfortable. Snacking on comfort food on a comfortable couch having comfortable conversations with people we are comfortable with sounds like a great way to spend an evening. It is. We should all have lots of those comfortable times. They are peaceful. They are restful. They are soothing. But those are not the times that will help us grow.

The Downside of Comfort

Our comfort zone is well-practiced and, well, comfortable. We don’t have to think about it. We just settle back into it, intellectually, emotionally and physically. It’s like a psychological recliner. But if our comfort zone isn’t about being our best self, our less than best self will remain our general state of being just because it’s comfortable; just because we have always been that way.

Even if it is uncomfortable, we can get comfortable with our discomfort because we are used to it. Think of an old chair that has a spring that digs into your back if you don’t sit in it just right. Whenever it’s the only chair available, you sit in it in such a way that you avoid the pointy spring. It just seems easier to contort your body than to expend the time and effort to take the chair apart to fix it. People, habits, environments, even physical aches and pains can be like that chair. It seems easier to accommodate them than to fix them.

Being a little uncomfortable is often important: When we get out of that psychological recliner, we have the opportunity to grow and be engaged in life.

Why you should get out of that comfort zone:

• Discomfort helps us grow: If we want to continue to grow, to teach for our true potential, we have to get out of that comfort zone and take some risks. Growing pains, feeling less than comfortable, tells us that we are working on our own development. Taking on new challenges and persisting in mastering them can show us what we are made of.
• It makes life more interesting: Other words for “comfortable” are routine, predictable  and boring. At some point, what makes us so comfortable can also make us stagnant. Getting outside our comfort zone adds adventure and exploration to our life.
• It increases happiness: Researchers have found that experiencing new and novel things triggers the brain to release dopamine, an organic chemical that helps regulate the brain’s reward and pleasure centers. Sometimes called the “feel good chemical”, it increases our awareness of rewards and motivates us to get busy and do more of what makes us feel good.
• It broadens our social world: We will not meet new friends or find love by staying on our comfortable psychological couch. Getting out into the world and doing things that are new and exciting is the best way to find new and exciting people.
• It’s deeply satisfying: Well, not at first. At first, it may be frightening. But when we stretch and discover that we accomplished something we doubted we could do, it is extremely satisfying.

Managing Discomfort

Being uncomfortable, even in the service of all that good stuff, can be challenging, even scary. But there are ways to manage it.

• Identify the source: Put some thought into just what it is that is making you uncomfortable when you find yourself shying away from doing something new. For example: Do you need to feel absolutely competent to feel good enough? Are you afraid of being judged by others? Are you afraid of making mistakes? Once you understand the root of your discomfort, you can deal with it directly instead of avoiding all things that make you sit still.
• Positive self-talk: We do get what we expect. If we tell ourselves we can’t manage something, we probably can’t. Instead of repeating all the I can’ts, start giving yourself positive pep talks. Remind yourself that you have conquered other challenges, that being scared only means that you are doing something important, and that you do have what it takes to do whatever it is, one step at a time.
• Find a buddy: Sometimes it’s helpful to feel accountable to someone else to make good intentions into reality. People often enlist a running buddy to ensure that they will do go for that morning run. Others join a book club to make sure they read regularly. The same can be true for working on any goal. A buddy gives us someone to cheer us on when we’re discouraged and to celebrate with when we accomplish a goal.
• Embrace set-backs: There are lots of stories of famous inventors and thinkers who had multiple “failures” before they were successful. Edison didn’t make a light bulb on his first try. Even Einstein made mistakes. Often those mistakes and/or feedback from others lead us to the very thing we were looking for. Commit to learning from set-backs, not using them as a reason to give up.
• Be your best fan: It takes courage to take on something new. It takes finding the bravery to get out there even when scared. Take a moment to celebrate your willingness to tolerate being uncomfortable, It is an important part of healthy self-motivation. Celebrate every moment of growth, every positive change, every step toward your goals.

The good news is that once you practice doing something important even though it is uncomfortable, you will reach a new comfort zone.

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/get-out-of-your-comfort-zone/

The Four S’s of a Healthy Relationship

One of the questions I’m asked most frequently in my psychotherapy practice is: “What is a healthy relationship?” To many, this is a great mystery as they have not had adequate or sometimes even any models of a positive, loving relationship.

As with most challenges we experience, the answer is surprisingly simple. The 4 S’s of healthy attachment — Safety, Security, being Seen and Soothed — were originally used for helping parents create loving bonds with their children. These same four ideas can help any couple create a healthy relationship, even if they haven’t known one previously.

Our brains are designed to need the 4 S’s. Providing them for your partner can help you receive them as well.

Safety

We certainly need to be physically safe, but emotional safety is just as important for a healthy relationship. We can create a safe place for each other by using soft tones of voice and “I” statements to bring up difficult topics.  For example, imagine if your partner said in a harsh tone, “You need to take out the garbage!”, instead of “Honey, I’m overwhelmed with housework and would appreciate help with the garbage.” To which would you respond best?  

When someone feels unsafe, our brain tells us immediately to fight, flee or play dead (meaning zone out or withdraw). When someone feels safe, we want to be with them, love and nurture them.

We increase a feeling of safety through being vulnerable. “Vulnerability is a key aspect in healthy attachment,” says Bernadette Hayes, LCPC, a Chicago therapist. “Not being afraid to go to your partner to seek comfort seems like a rather simple thing to do, but many people find it difficult and even scary to let someone know they need them.” Yet by being vulnerable, we increase each other’s ability to feel safe enough to bond.

Secure

Security is a sense of safety combined with stability. We need to feel our partner is sticking with us through the natural ebbs and flows of the relationship. Secure partners don’t easily threaten to leave the relationship. They also reassure each other they’re in the relationship to stay either directly or through their actions. Security also relates to how the couple connects with each other implicitly.

“Security is an overall deeply felt state. For secure couples an argument is just a temporary blip that doesn’t threaten their bond,” says Hayes. “Couples that are securely attached seem to be willing to broach difficult topics and have conversations to arrive at some resolution and often report feeling more bonded afterward.”

Seen

We need to feel seen by our partner. This means we need to feel understood. No one will perfectly understand their partner all the time. The good news is that just trying to understand or see the world through a loved one’s eyes makes a healthy difference.

Rebecca Nichols, LCPC, a Chicago therapist who specializes in relationships and dating, tries to help partners go deep in sharing how they see each other, “Instead of a general statement such as ‘you are always there for me,’ I ask them to elaborate.” She encourages specific statements, “’You always cheer me on to try new things, even when I doubt myself’ carries much more weight.”

Being seen through the eyes of our loved ones helps build one’s sense of self. If there is a particularly fraught disagreement, partners may have a hard time trying to see their partner’s perspective. One remedy is to try to visualize the partner as the child they once were and imagine what that child is seeing and feeling. It’s always easier to empathize with a child.

If you realize you are having a hard time understanding your partner, mirroring back verbatim or paraphrasing what you just heard them say helps to clarify if you heard correctly. If you didn’t understand correctly, the speaker can clear up any misunderstanding.

Soothed

A healthy relationship soothes our nervous system. Studies have shown that experimentally inflicted pain registers less when a safe and loving partner is holding our hand. The partner holding the hand of a person in an unhappy relationship, however, increases the pain response. We can ask ourselves at any given time if we are acting in a way that is soothing. If not, we can take the time to breathe through our noses to calm our own nervous system and then make a repair with our partner to help soothe them.

Making positive physical contact every day is an important way to soothe each other. For example, renowned couple researcher John Gottman talks about the importance of a daily 6-second kiss. He also notes the importance of soft tones of voice to help couple’s nervous systems stay soothed.

The benefits of a healthy relationship are many both for the couple and individual. “When my clients move from unhealthy to healthy relationships I often see growth in their own acceptance and belief of themselves” says Nichols. “Their self-confidence and self-awareness become heightened and this often translates to increased satisfaction overall and healthier relationships outside of the romantic realm.”

Hayes says that when she sees couples moving from an anxious or distant attachment to a secure connection, “They approach each other with more curiosity and less judgment. They become more playful… and a disagreement becomes just that. It doesn’t linger or threaten their bond.”

At any given time, each partner can ask themselves if they are providing the 4 S’s. If both are, that’s a healthy relationship. If not, positive change is just an S away.

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/the-four-ss-of-a-healthy-relationship/

Sense of Self and the Traffic in Kathmandu

If I am an individual whose rights and autonomy are sacred, then someone else's path crossing mine can feel like an infringement, even a cause of anger. But what if I feel like a part of a collective whole?

Tags: anxiety and stress, boundaries, mindful awareness, society

from Psychology, Philosophy and Real Life https://counsellingresource.com/features/2018/02/26/traffic-in-kathmandu/

Good-Bye, Duke: When Your Therapist Retires

The Duke is retiring. “The Duke” is my nickname for my psychiatrist of 19 years. I’m a little nervous.

I’m looking for a new doctor, but I know that finding just the right one might be difficult.

I went through this predicament three years ago when my psychologist retired. The first therapist I auditioned was too hoity-toity. I felt uncomfortable around her. I wanted someone more down-to-earth.

I told her it just wasn’t working out and tried another one. The next doctor was in her 70s, which is what I wanted. I desired someone older and wiser than me. We got along great. She gave terrific advice, but then my insurance changed, and I could no longer go to her. Good bye to number two.

I went to a new practice that took my insurance and tried number three. This woman was too down-to-earth. At my first appointment, she talked more about herself than I did about myself. I felt a little wiser than that therapist. We didn’t click.

On to number four. And number four was perfect. She has got great common sense, a PhD, is not pretentious, is not too down-to-earth and I really like her. I trust her, which is more important.

So I realize that finding the right mental health practitioner can take years.

I’m going to audition new psychiatrists methodically, as I did with psychologists. I’m not going to settle. I want smarts, empathy, pharmaceutical know-how, sense of humor, accessibility… I want it all.

Before I move on, I want to pause a minute and remember the greatness of The Duke.

What will I miss about The Duke? His voice, which instantly calms me. I don’t know how many times I’ve called him over the years in a bipolar panic. He’s always been there and known what to do. He’s a pharmaceutical genius. His sense of humor. His ability to relate to me. We’re close in age. He’s about 60, and I’m 55.

Truth be told, I love The Duke. Not in a romantic way. I love him like a friend. He knows the best and the worst of me.

He once told me that if I wasn’t as “smart” as I am, I’d be “living in a group home, addicted to cigarettes.”

That’s just the kind of guy he is. He tells you the truth.

I believe him.

He’ll be around until August of 2018. I’m safe until then.

The good thing is that I’m stable at the moment. The cocktail of meds is working; my home life has evened out; my child is happy in school; my husband and I enjoy each other; I have a lovely family, with whom I live peacefully.

So I guess this is a good time for a change. It would be terrible if I was out of control, and The Duke was leaving the building, so to speak. What would I do then?

I might end up living in a group home, addicted to cigarettes.

And if that happened, I’d find a way to make that work. I’d have to. One thing, a good thing, about having a major mental illness, is that it teaches you resiliency. There’s only one way up.

And so Duke, I bid you good bye. I pray that you’ll enjoy your retirement, that you won’t be bored, that you’ll do everything you’ve been wanting to do for the past 35 years, but haven’t been able to do.

I pray that you know how much you’ve made a difference in my life and the lives of many others.

You came to this earth for a reason—to be a damn good psychiatrist.

You succeeded.

Happy trails, Duke…

Remember us when you enter paradise.

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/good-bye-duke-when-your-therapist-retires/

Soothe Your Stress Away with Music

If you regularly turn to music intuitively to relieve stress, you certainly aren’t alone. You can definitely tap into the power of music to bring healing to yourself.

Read along to discover the hidden psychological benefits of music that will make you feel better in times of stress. If you are not a music lover, the treasure trove of hidden benefits below just might convert you to begin singing a new tune as your go-to stress reliever.

Music can help relieve stress.

In one 2013 study, participants took part in one of three conditions before being exposed to a stressor, and subsequently took a psychosocial stress test. Some participants listened to relaxing music, others listened to the sound of rippling water, and the rest received no auditory stimulation. The results suggested that listening to music had an impact on the human stress response, particularly the autonomic nervous system, otherwise known as our fight or flight system. Those who had listened to music tended to recover more quickly following any kind of stressor.

Music can improve cognitive performance.

Research suggests that background music can improve performance on cognitive tasks in older adults. Specifically, one study found that playing more upbeat music led to improvements in processing speed, while both upbeat and downbeat music led to benefits in memory. The trick is the music has to be more instrumental and less complicated, otherwise you will be more prone to distraction when completing your tasks, and you will not be productive.

Music can help curb your appetite.

According to one study, people who ate at low-lit restaurants where soft music was played, consumed 18-20 percent less food than those who ate in other restaurants. The research suggests that the music and lighting help create a more relaxed setting. Since the participants were more relaxed and comfortable, they may have consumed their food more slowly and as a result been more aware of when they began to feel full. By creating a relaxing setting, you may be more likely to eat slowly, and as a result feel fuller sooner.

Music can raise your level of endorphins so you feel less pain.

Research has shown that music can be very helpful in the management of pain, and in increasing your pain threshold. One study of fibromyalgia patients found that those who listened to music for just one hour a day experienced a significant reduction in pain compared to those in a control group.

In the study, patients with fibromyalgia were assigned to either an experimental group that listened to music once a day for four weeks or a control group that received no treatment. At the end of the four-week period, those who had listened to music each day experienced significant reductions in feelings of pain, depression and anxiety. Such results suggest that music therapy could be an important tool in the treatment of chronic crippling pain.

Music can help you sleep better. 

Insomnia is a serious problem that affects people of all age groups. While there are many approaches to treating this problem as well as other common sleep disorders, research has demonstrated that listening to relaxing classical music can be a safe, effective, and affordable remedy to getting a good night’s sleep.

Music can boost your mood-Music just might make you happier. Researchers have discovered that music played an important role in arousal and mood. Participants rated music’s ability to help them achieve a better mood, become more self-aware, and reflective as two of the most important functions of music. One study found that while music can certainly have an impact on mood, the type of music is also important. Researchers found that classical and meditation music offered the greatest mood-boosting benefits, while heavy metal and techno music were found to be ineffective and even detrimental.

Music can improve and reduce symptoms of depression. Researchers have also found that music therapy can be a safe and effective treatment for a variety of disorders, including depression and other forms of anxiety. A study appearing in the World Journal of Psychiatry found that in addition to reducing depression and anxiety in patients suffering from neurological conditions such as dementia, stroke, and Parkinson’s disease, music therapy showed no negative side effects, meaning it is a very safe and low-risk approach to treatment, and to certain treatment resistant depressions.

Music can improve your exercise routine. Listening to music while working out lowers a person’s perception of exertion. You’re working harder, but it doesn’t seem like you’re putting forth more effort. Because your attention is diverted by the music, you are less likely to notice the obvious signs of exertion such as increased respiration, sweating, and muscle soreness, which in turn makes you have an efficient workout.

As one can see, music has the power to inspire and entertain, but it also has powerful psychological and medicinal effects that can improve your health and well-being. Instead of thinking of music as pure entertainment, consider some of the major mental health benefits of incorporating music into your everyday life. You might find that you feel more motivated, happy, and calmer as a result. You can start by singing, or humming a tune in your morning shower!

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/soothe-your-stress-away-with-music/

Tragedy, Crisis and Mental Health in America

Las Vegas startled me, Florida startled me and an incident in a city that I called home for close to a decade that caught the attention of national news startled me. I am not easily startled.

As a mental health practitioner, we are subjected to second hand trauma as our clients share their journeys filled with neglect, abuse, abandonment and internal struggles. Though I am continuously trained and educated on how to not only work with these clients but also take care of myself, it is no easy feat. It is my job and I treat it as such. Being in this field, however, does not pardon me from having my own life’s interruptions and tragedies. But tomorrow always comes.

In these traumatic events, mental health is always discussed. I admit that I subject myself to the media, reading the comments that people contribute from all over the country. I am in the field of studying people, and perhaps I just cannot help myself, it fascinates me. The polarizations of responses to national tragedies includes sarcastic political remarks, to religious prayers and concern for the most “sinful” attackers.

It is a consistent question about the mental health field, abilities and services being cut. And though most people who make these comments are only referencing what they see in political debates, they are not wrong. I have seen first-hand the power of thorough, life-changing mental health interventions, where teams of nurses, psychiatrists, psychologists and clinicians put their efforts together for families in need. It has driven me to continue my education in the field, and explore venues to not only help clients directly, but also to teach future therapists how to provide a level of treatment that is remarkable and impeccable. Our work needs to be 100 percent. It needs to be on point.

Unfortunately, I have also experienced high levels of care for clients who need the utmost intensive treatment be under the care of mental health workers who are burnt out and have run dry of patience, empathy and the ability to care at the level these clients need. The private practice outpatient level of care is booming right now with practitioners doing it on their own because working for a clinic does not pay enough for what we are providing. The constant battle with insurance companies drives the field and how workers can live a lifestyle that enables a balance between caring for others and ourselves.

The inpatient hospitals are not for the faint of heart. There are clients who have attempted or committed murder, who have tried to commit suicide in ways that take the lives of others, clients have removed their own eyes, hallucinate and respond to voices telling them what to do. It is an environment where staff need to be high in number, cautious, patient and safe. The clients can be unpredictable and impulsive, but they are also people. They are someone’s sister or brother, son or daughter, mother or father. And they are in a lot of pain. They deserve showers, meals, to be safe and above all, understood.

When people say the mental health field fails people, part of me agrees. With people who need such a high level of care, to prevent them from hurting themselves or others, we cannot fail them. We must pay attention to their actions and words. We must identify bizarre thought processes, heinous acts and disability before they act out even more. We must provide substance abuse treatment, not by therapists just out of college that had one class on the subject, but by providers who are deeply educated in the biological, psychological and environmental pieces. When people want to get better, we must understand that if it was easy enough for them to do on their own, they would. But it is not.

When I started working for the State of Connecticut, in the Department of Mental Health and Addiction Services, I was lucky enough to be provided a tour of Connecticut Valley Hospital in Middletown, Connecticut. This tour was provided by a former patient of the hospital, who is now an employee, who let me in to a world I certainly did not expect. The campus can be chilling, with abandoned buildings, separate from the world almost. The story of CVH is worth hearing and my explanation of it does not do justice to the in-depth description I was lucky enough to receive.

Connecticut Valley Hospital was developed from a place of love. People were sent to the asylum for things very different than today (i.e. “Anxiety of the mind”, “Menopausis”, “Nostalgia”, “Over work”, “Syphilis”, “Hysteria”). The culture at CVH was a community. Doctors and nurses often lived in quarters or houses on campus. Patients hand-built the still existing water sources, farms, to harvest for the campus kitchens. Patients manned equipment and were hands-on contributors in keeping the campus running. On my tour we explored the underground tunnels and were shown the remnants of the now gone over-ground tunnels that connected some of the buildings. This was helpful in moving

food, supplies and staying out of New England’s cold, but these tunnels served more purpose. They protected patients physically and emotionally. See, the “normal” folk would often visit CVH, on Sundays perhaps, after church to drive through and “look at the crazies.” These tunnels minimized the ogling public looking for a circus act. It protected the patients. It came from a place of respect that the patients were thought of to deserve.

There are some floors of functioning buildings that have been abandoned. It was as if the hospital was running one day and just stopped. Old medical equipment is still set up: surgery tables, lamps, sterilization tools. You could feel the energy of bustling doctors and nurses, operating between cigarettes. What a world it must have been. And how different it is now.

The reality is that I tried working at a higher level of care. And my reason for leaving had little to do with the clients, co-workers or management. The political make-up that goes on behind the scenes, lack of discipline or acknowledgment of burn out and inability to care for these patients, influenced my decision to discontinue. I needed to take a different approach to my career, where I could make a difference. Perhaps starting there, I could build the reputation and power to make a difference on a higher level one day.

I joke that as I get older, I am getting softer. I owe this to being on clinical teams, however, that work relentlessly to make people better. I owe this to being a part of practices, clinics and a school that is dedicated to hope and doing the right thing; that don’t allow us to give up, that support a positive culture, that put the clients first, and that are careful. We intervene with families and hold high expectations of families and parents and offer support when it is needed. We do not give up.

The mental health field needs a reform in this country. It is not being run by those who can keep the balance of the finances and client care, but instead by insurance companies, taxes and liability, which I understand but, unfortunately, see the negative impact it has. Therapists are extremely valuable, and when well-trained they make a hell of a difference. If the country needs surgery, hire the surgeon. Surgeons are expensive, but if the job must be done right, then the person with the right tools needs to perform the procedure. I hope through these crises we are heard, because we are certainly here to help if offered the opportunity.

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/tragedy-crisis-and-mental-health-in-america/

Are You Ready to ‘Adult’?

The commonly used word, ‘adult,’ has had a makeover in recent years. A person is considered a chronological adult at the age of 18 or 21, depending on when they could vote, drink legally or be drafted. The concept of ‘adulting,’ spills over into the realm of behavior. It could take the form of holding down a job, keeping appointments, being in integrity with one’s word, and paying the bills on time. There are moments when even the most responsible among us desire someone else who is ‘adultier,’ to take charge. This 59-year-old recovering Type A, overachiever with a solid work ethic would love nothing better some days than to hang out in a blanket fort, wearing footie pajamas, and indulging in mint chocolate chip ice cream.

I was taught responsibility at an early age. Somewhere around four or five, I helped do laundry, by sorting and folding socks that my mother would dump onto the dining room table. Toasty and warm, fresh from the dryer. To this day, I enjoy doing laundry, in part because it is a Zen activity, and because it reminds me of my mom. In addition, over the years, I was asked to set and clear the table, clean my room, make my bed (I still do it each morning, since it is my first accomplishment of the day), dust, vacuum, cook, mow the lawn, and clean the bathroom. I would help my dad clean the garage, which generally meant moving the junk from one side to the other. Gardening gave me the opportunity to plant, weed and harvest whatever veggies and flowers we grew in the yard.

I don’t remember groaning about chores since my parents had a way of making even those fun activities, and I somehow internalized the idea that as a family we (my parents, sister and I) needed to work together. Not sure how they managed to have everything look easy, since they also both worked full time, volunteered, had a circle of friends and a loving marriage. They were excellent at adulting.

I developed what I now call House Rules to which I introduced my son as he was growing up and offer these to my clients who find organization challenging.

• If you open it, close it.
• If you take it out, put it back.
• If you drop it, pick it up.
• If you make a mess, clean it up.

Pretty simple and yet, how many people follow them? I am of the ‘clean as you go,’ school in the kitchen. It is far simpler to tidy in between boiling, broiling and baking than to have a monumental mess to clean up later. I have also taken heed of the advice of a former client who was raising his three teenagers as a single father. He told them that the sink was for washing dishes, not storing them.

Amid my hectic schedule, having a haven at home helps bring balance and grounding. One commitment I make to myself each day is to have a clean kitchen before my head touches down on the pillow. That way, I can wake to a more organized morning.

I was also taught how to create a budget, balance a checkbook, do grocery shopping, change tires and oil in my car (although AAA and regular mechanic visits are my go-to for those services), make phone calls, fill out a job application, as well as a college application, apply for student loans, and drive a car. All are independent living skills.

I recall the wise words of my mentor Yvonne Kaye who, several decades ago, shared her thoughts:  “Discipline is freedom.” Free spirit that I am, I balked at that concept. She patiently explained that when one has structure, there is ample room for all manner of creativity. In the interceding years, I have come to discover the value in that idea.

When working with clients who feel overwhelmed with the physical and emotional clutter in their lives, I suggest that they clean one shelf, surface, or corner of a closet at a time. In the realm of relationships, it may present itself like cleaning up their side of the street and being accountable only for what they say, think or do. They are not responsible for anyone else’s choices. Nor is there room to blame others for theirs.

Adulting Advice

“My ma had accounting skills. She taught me how to budget, plan taxes and anything math. Housekeeping skills, I mainly learned on my own. Organizing my life was from a book called the Sidetracked Sisters Get Organized. Very popular in the early 80’s. I wasn’t satisfied with looking at my home or work and saying I didn’t know how. I read everything I could lay my hands on to be a good wife and mother, and I used it. When my son was born I promised him that I would teach him as much as he could absorb about being a self- sufficient person. He is 34 and is fully able to run his own household in spite of learning disabilities and handicaps. I know you believe me when I say, no part of that was easy.”

“I was taught basic home-making things from my Mom, my Dad taught me some car stuff. But no financial/tax type things. As far as my 3 boys, I taught them financial, budget keeping. Home stuff, laundry, cooking etc. I hope some things stuck. They are each so different, certain things just didn’t interest one where it did another.”

“I’m teaching general etiquette, including writing thank you notes, how to treat others, including when dating or interested in the opposite sex, banking, budgeting, and financial management skills, household chores — laundry, cooking, cleaning, organizing, and little things like preparing for unexpected situations (always bring a jacket or keep one in the car in case the temperature drops or rains). I was taught all of these except the financial piece and dating. I learned that in college and graduate school aka “trial-by-fire”. I learned car stuff by watching my dad. I haven’t taught that to my son though.”

“No. I was taught how to have fun. The adulting I’ve never fully mastered. Thank Buddha.”

“I was taught more by others and learned more on my own, than my parents ever taught me. Now, I am teaching my sister. We just had a conversation yesterday about it and how our mother was so needy and manipulative that she deliberately made my sister dependent on her, so she would always “need” her and have to live with her. At 38, she’s fearfully learning how to take care of herself. It’s a work in progress… but at least we are making progress.”

Resources to help you adult more gracefully, include:

The Adulting Bookshelf: 6 Books on Getting Your Life Together

6 Books On How To Be An Adult That Every Twentysomething Needs To Read

And then there is, “That horrifying moment when you’re looking for an adult, but you realize you are an adult. So, you look around for an older adult. An adultier adult. Someone better at adulting than you.” – Unknown

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/are-you-ready-to-adult/

8 Reasons to Make Time for Fun

“Live and work but do not forget to play, to have fun in live and really enjoy it.” – Eileen Caddy

When was the last time you recall having fun? Not merely feeling somewhat pleased, but fully enjoying yourself? The truth is we often feel guilty even thinking about having fun, let alone actively engaged in something we consider fun. Yet, there’s good evidence supporting the recommendation to carve out some time to do just that. Here are eight reasons why.

You must work, so “Do it well, make it fun.”

If you’re not independently wealthy, you must secure gainful employment and bring home money to pay the bills and take care of the family. Instead of dreading the job or feeling stuck in a go-nowhere career, change your mindset. Ron Culbertson is the author of a book with the intriguing and self-explanatory title “Do It Well. Make It Fun.: The Key to Success in Life, Death and Almost Everything in Between.” In an interview in Forbes, Culbertson explained that when he stumbled upon the realization that if he could do a job well (even one he didn’t particularly like) and somehow make it fun, he’d be more effective and eventually be more successful. So, he coined the phrase, “Do it well, make it fun.”

Culbertson further explained that this two-step approach could work in almost any situation in life. A great attitude also provides motivation and inspiration for having fun and making a job or task more enjoyable. A 2004 study by Ford et al. found that employees who related being in a fun work environment experienced increased levels of creativity, communication, satisfaction, enthusiasm and group cohesiveness.

Having fun helps relieve anxiety and depression.

There are numerous studies on methods and activities that help quash mental health issues such as anxiety and depression and some contain gems of wisdom applicable to having fun in the process. One study looked at dance and dance movement therapy and its effect on increasing positive mood and well-being, as well as diminishing outcomes of clinical anxiety and depression. Even more reason to get your groove on with a dance class or dancing to the music on the radio in your living room, right?

Boost your mood with a wardrobe switch-up.

If putting on the same type of outfit or attire day after day starts to get you down, consider a wardrobe switch-up. Remember when you were a kid and the school had backwards-day, meaning students could wear their clothes backwards or mismatched socks and tops and bottoms. In business, that practice morphed to “casual day” or some other clever moniker. Still, the advice to add a bit of zip to your attire by including a contrasting color or even to-die-for undies (nobody knows but you) can serve to elevate your mood and brighten your day. Besides, what women doesn’t turn to retail therapy to have fun from time to time? Shopping for clothes can have a dramatic effect on mood.

Enjoyment and flow: two benefits of cognitive absorption in technology.

Researchers Ritu Agarwal and Elena Karahanna explored the reason why time seems to fly when you’re having fun with technology. No kidding. The title of their research published in MIS Quarterly was: “Time Flies When You’re Having Fun: Cognitive Absorption and Beliefs About Information Technology Usage.” They found that the constructs of enjoyment and flow are perhaps important variables in explaining acceptance of technology. They identified cognitive absorption and defined it as deep involvement with software and theorized it was exhibited by heightened enjoyment, curiosity, control, focused immersion and temporal dissociation.

Remember that the next time you find yourself engrossed and having fun with technology-related devices and projects. Likely it’s not just techies who benefit from this type of enjoyment and flow.

Bust stress with some laughter therapy.

Don’t we all get a kick out of a good laugh? The science behind why laughter is good for you is quite concise. When you laugh, you release a torrent of stress-busting endorphins, your body’s natural feel-good chemicals. Whether you laugh by yourself or in a group, go ahead and let it loose. Even better, the human body can’t tell if something is funny or not, or care if you have a sense of humor, so if you can get your giggle on, you’ll still benefit. The Cancer Treatment Centers of America recommends laughter therapy for its healing powers and ability to enhance overall health and wellness.

You’ll sleep better.

When you’ve enjoyed yourself laughing, having fun, interacting with people you have a good time with, relaxed, played and pursued meaningful activities you’ll find that you’ve contributed to a healthy kind of tired where you naturally drift off to sleep and stay asleep to get maximum restorative benefits. These include muscle repair and consolidation of memories. So, instead of being fixated on getting enough sleep, focus on the kinds of daytime activities where you feel you’re having fun.

Enhance relationships with a playful nature.

Anyone who’s ever struggled with finding something to say to a stranger, whether a potential business connection, new co-worker, neighbor or someone you regularly see while shopping or getting coffee knows that breaking the ice can be a challenge. Yet, a slight attitude change, such as adopting a playful nature, can help smooth away difficulties. Interactions with others, even those you’ve know a long time but may be experiencing a disagreement with or a rough patch, can be easier. Having fun and sharing activities with others helps build empathy, compassion, trust and intimacy.

Fun helps improve brain function.

It’s not only older adults hoping to stave off Alzheimer’s disease or dementia who can benefit from activities that stimulate and challenge the brain. Everyone can realize gains in mental acuity, concentration, focus and clarity from playing chess, working on puzzles or crosswords and other brain challenging activities. Not only do these activities work to improve brain function, they may also help prevent the onset of memory problems.

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/8-reasons-to-make-time-for-fun/