Dark Days: An Alaska Vacation

And you thought your kids were the only ones scared of the dark.

Think again.

Venturing to the Last Frontier last week, I braced for Palinesque politics, rampaging moose, and  brutal weather shrouded in Alaska darkness. While I was confident the scenery would dazzle, would the omnipresent snow and chill prove too much? Bundling up in my warmest fleeces, I could prepare for the foreboding weather. But mentally, well, we would see.

While pasty snowbirds descend on tropical destinations this holiday season, I ventured north — first to Sitka, Anchorage, and then Fairbanks. Yes, I am a glutton for punishment. And, as my friends reminded me, bone-rattling cold and ice-coated roads.

Thumbing through a Lonely Planet guidebook is one thing; experiencing Alaska’s biting cold and dreary nights is entirely different. Stepping off the Anchorage flight, its darkness enveloped me. At 9:30 AM. Yes, this vacation would test my mental fortitude.

Growing up in Iowa, the interminable winters would induce an energy-drooping paralysis. Glancing outdoors at the wintry conditions, I would retreat into my cozy apartment. In these comfy confines, I would munch on corn chips, mindlessly surf the Internet, and — yes — succumb to depressive/anxious thoughts.

Would Alaska be different? And, if so, what lessons could I learn from the frozen tundra — assuming I could rouse myself from its dreary darkness.

In Alaska’s unforgiving winter, the sun is an endangered species. Hopscotching from Sitka to Anchorage to Fairbanks, its appearance was a mere rumor. Most days the sun would appear for an hour or two before beating a hasty retreat. Perhaps the sun, like me, just wanted to snuggle with a hot chocolate and good book. The only respite from the winter blues: a one-way ticket to the Lower 48. My return ticket, however, was a blustery week away.

As reality — like a winter storm — socked me in the face, I braced for Alaska’s cold bleakness. Warily eyeing the weather forecast, I wanted my vacation to consist of more than stale TV reruns and soggy pizza delivery. My strategy for survival and, yes, enjoyment in Alaska’s barren tundra: spend as much time as possible outside. Dubbing my strategy Northern Exposure, I emulated those hearty Alaskans draped in head to toe fleece. Waddling out of my hotel every morning — and, yes, bearing a striking resemblance to the Michelin Man, I greeted the dark winter with a shivering smile.

In contrast to my rental car, my mood did not capitulate to Alaska’s icy conditions. Here’s what helped me navigate Alaska’s impenetrable chill — tow truck sold separately:

1. Adopting the hostel policy. In Sitka, the hostel shuttered its doors from 10 AM-6 PM. Unable to languish inside the hostel, I busied myself with Alaska’s medley of outdoor activities. As I hiked Alaska’s treacherous trials, I felt reinvigorated. The bitter cold? Here’s my prescription: layer up.
2. Expose yourself to new. Trekking to Sitka, Anchorage, and Fairbanks for the first time, my mind was Mensa sharp. Why? The breathtaking surroundings, wildlife sightings, and snowy terrain absorbed my attention. Alaska’s newness riveted me. And once I became too comfortable, the next adventure beckoned. When a dull routine saps my energy, I descend into counterproductive habits: mindless Internet surfing and binge TV watching. My new routine? Try not having one.

From Anchorage to Albany and everywhere in between, old man winter has returned with a snarling vengeance. But just because old man winter has reared its winter fangs, it doesn’t mean that you have to act like an old man. So close the Internet browser, delete that Netflix account, and plan your own travel misadventure. Lonely Planet is a guidebook, not your life’s title.

from World of Psychology http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/12/31/dark-days-an-alaska-vacation/

Are You an Approval Addict?

• Do you have a strong need for approval from others?
• Do you worry a lot about what others think of you?
• Do you have difficulty saying “no” to others, but feel sad when they don’t respond in kind?  

If so, it’s time for you to chill out before you burn out. For, seeking approval from others is draining, diminishing and invariably disappointing.

• Draining because you use up so much energy seeking approval that you can’t focus on what’s really important to you.
• Diminishing because your needs often end up at the bottom of the pile.
• Disappointing because no matter how hard you try, some people still won’t like you, appreciate what you do, or value your opinion.

So, if you want to break your approval addiction, read on…

1. Instead of looking outward, go inward and reflect on how you want to live your life. 

If you find yourself living your life to accommodate others or chasing pursuits just to fit in or gain acceptance, stop. Though it may initially feel warm and fuzzy to win another’s favor, reflect on whether it’s worth it in the long run. If you do decide to say “yes” to what others want, make sure it fits into your time schedule and is, at least partially, on your terms. Rather than taking on tasks simply to please another, aim toward living by the rules that make sense to you. 

Nix the guilt if you didn’t do what someone else wanted. Nix the fear of offending others.  In no way am I suggesting that you aim to be a self-centered, egotistical person. Being a generous, giving person is an admirable quality. But accommodating others just to win their approval or to prove your worthiness is another matter.

2. Know when and how to say “no.” The ability to say “no” — especially when you’re thinking “no” — will reap unexpected benefits. Here are just a few:

• Your “yes” will be more respected by others, as those who can’t say “no” are often treated as doormats.
• Saying “no” will help you set reasonable limits on your time and energy.
• Saying “no” will help you build character. Character is weakened by saying “yes” to everyone and everything.

Learn the many ways to say “no.” Most will fit into one of these four categories:

• A polite “no” “
  No, but thanks for thinking of me.”
• A “no” with an Explanation 
  “No, I’d like to join you but I just don’t have the time.”
• A “no” with an Alternative Proposal 
  “No, I can’t drive you now but I’ll be available in an hour.”
• A Blunt “NO”
  “No, I won’t do it.” As a pleaser, you’ll probably use this type of “no” sparingly, saving it for those who brush off your initial “no.”

Grant yourself the freedom to use whatever type of “no” best fits your mood and situation.

3. Give yourself the approval that you seek from others.

We live in a culture in which it’s easy to feel frazzled and fried. Work harder! Faster! Better! Though this is troubling for many, it’s particularly tough for an approval junkie. Why? Because approval seekers are prone to assuming an abundance of responsibility. Add on your dislike of disappointing others and life can easily get out of hand. You know what I’m talking about, right? In your saner moments, you do know that you can’t do everything. So, if something has to give, make sure it’s not your good feelings about yourself.

Remember, always, always, always treat yourself with respect. Know your worth. Value your time. Make choices that are right for you. Instead of feeling pressured to go along with something you don’t want to do, speak up. Give yourself the kindness, acceptance and approval that you’re seeking from others.

“People often say that a person has not yet found himself.

But the self is not something that one finds.

It is something that one creates.”

~ Thomas Szasz

from World of Psychology http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/12/31/are-you-an-approval-addict/

Turning New Years Resolutions into Healthy Habits that Last with More Ease and Less Willpower

I just had an animated conversation with my 21 year old nephew who is overseas at golf university. He rang me because he is excited about a breathing technique he has been researching and wanted to know if I knew much about it. I said I would research it too and we can have another conversation soon.

We started talking about his determination to improve his golf, his well-being and his success in life. And the challenges he faces on that path. He spoke of how much he loves practicing golf — how he feels “in the zone” and that this feeling alludes him when the time comes to perform in a graded tournament. How he can be looking at the ball and feel like everything starts to fall apart — he said it spirals downwards and he can’t seem to stop it happening. He gets frustrated and asks himself why he did that. He said sometimes it’s like that with his mood off the golf course too. Many of us can relate to that experience!

He talked about his determination to study hard for his exams but how easily distracted he becomes and how readily he — and so many of us — justify the next 45 minutes we spend on Facebook even though we wish we were doing what we set out to do.

This whole conversation reminded me of our love affair with New Year’s Resolutions and that urge we often feel at this time of year to really commit to our goals with enthusiasm — and the disappointment and frustration with ourselves when it all trickles away to nothing.

I get excited for people like my nephew who have such high awareness of what is going on, and a similarly high level of motivation and determination to “make it work this time” because I know that with the right skills and tools in their hands, they will be able to achieve great things and become the master of their own destiny.

So we talked about what he was doing that was already working. What he knew about mindfulness and how developing the ability — the discipline — to control where you place your attention — removing it from something unhelpful like worry and self-critical thoughts and placing it on something helpful like your steady breath, the golf ball and the visceral memory of what flow feels like — is like getting back into the drivers’ seat of your own mind and life and maintaining that flow under pressure.  

We talked about many of the things I have written about before that help us succeed with our New Year’s Resolutions and as we were talking I realized I wanted to add more emphasis to some parts of the process I had outlined two years ago. I won’t repeat anything I have said before – but do read it, it still applies. This is just fleshing it out a bit more:

The power of visualization:

Visualization helps us achieve our goals in a number of ways.

1: Clarifying our intention

I have already described a process for doing this in a gentler, kinder and more accepting way. This is important so that we are not consolidating an aggressive and rejecting relationship with any part of ourselves in the goals that we set. Clarifying our intention

is not something you only do once, when you are deciding what your New Year’s Resolution is going to be. This is something to do every day. I find the best time to do this is upon waking.

2: Connecting to our personal values:

My nephew spoke of how easily he resisted junk food now that he was living away from home. When we dug a little deeper, it was at least partially because he valued his health and fitness, did not want to undo the good work he does at the gym and didn’t want to waste money when he could cook at home more affordably. Three values he was very clear about. (It was also about being in an environment that supported this action rather than one where he is surrounded by every unhealthy option you can imagine: so review your environment and make sure it is supporting your intention, not undermining it).

If you can visualize your New Year’s Resolution in terms of how it is living any of your deeply held values you will find it easier to act in accordance with those values and stick to the resolution. As my nephew said — it just feels good. This translates into more ease and less willpower required — you are moving towards your values not away from something you crave, which takes an enormous amount of energy on an ongoing basis.  Accomplishing goals often involves sacrificing other things that would distract you from that goal, so being connected to your values is one important way of making sure the sacrifice is worth it.

3: Painting a Picture of Success: Visualize yourself having achieved your goal. Every day. Multiple times a day if possible. For my nephew, he can use the detailed experience of “flow” when he practices to help paint a picture of that happening during tournaments. This is more than the popular notion of “if you dream it, it will come”. This is about using the power of visualization and repetition of that to increase the likelihood that you will accomplish your goal. Every day you show up with clarity and commitment to accomplish to goal. You map out the path to take. You take steps towards that every day.

The power of self compassion:

When my nephew described what happens when he loses his flow on the golf course I was reminded of what I often hear from others — our tendency to respond harshly to ourselves in difficult moments. To reprimand ourselves for not performing well, for making a mistake or for simply not knowing what to do when the important moment arrives.

We know from the work of Kristin Neff that soothing our pain and being supportive towards ourselves makes it far more likely that we will continue to do what it takes to achieve our goal rather than the harsh “tough love” stance we often take towards ourselves. We will be more accepting that mistakes are part of learning and be less thrown into turmoil when they happen along the way. We also know it is associated with lower levels of depressive symptoms, anxiety, rumination, shame, self-criticism, fear of failure, and burnout. Not surprisingly it has also consistently been found to be related to well-being.

Having a “go to” way of soothing ourselves is an important element of any New Year’s Resolution and I recommend the practices I describe here or here as a starting point — putting it into your own words of course.

The power of stable attention and focus:

Like most of us, my nephew feels easily distracted. He WANTS to study but his mind wanders elsewhere. Mindfulness is the best training for regaining choice about where to place your attention because it helps you exercise your attention muscles – and your ability to focus and maintain your focus improves.

Without this ability to attend and focus you are unlikely to accomplish any significant goal. You have to be present to learn things that will help you progress. You have to notice that your attention has wandered so you can gently bring it back.

You can choose to move your attention away from thinking habits like worry, rumination (eg going over past failures) self consciousness ( eg performance anxiety) or self criticism — and place it back on your goal mastery. These thinking habits make us psychologically vulnerable and undermine our best selves. But with training in mindfulness and self compassion, they can be shifted.

The power of gratitude and celebration:

One of the things that often short circuits our New Year’s Resolutions is a feeling of lack. Of scarcity. Our mind has a negativity bias and its’ default state is one where it scans for problems to fix. Noticing the gap between where we are and where we want to be can be depressing! If we dwell on the gap the way our mind naturally does, we can quickly find ourselves feeling dispirited and like it’s all too hard.  We might give up.

If, on the other hand, we celebrate each success along the way with gratitude, soaking up the positives of that, we increase the likelihood that we will maintain our motivation towards the intention we have set — because it feels good! Revisiting our intention and the values it brings to life in the same way infuses our whole journey with positivity.

After all, it’s about the journey as well as the destination — so why not make it feel as good as it can along the way, especially as that will help you succeed.

May your New Year’s Resolutions bring out the best in you — with much greater ease.

from World of Psychology http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/12/31/turning-new-years-resolutions-into-healthy-habits-that-last-with-more-ease-and-less-willpower/

Psychology Around the Net: December 31, 2016

Happy New Year, sweet readers!

For a variety of understandable reasons, I know many of you are glad to see 2016 end.

The other night, I was talking (ranting) to my beau about how horrible this year has been and how I can’t wait for it to end because it just can’t get any worse when — BOOM! — common sense knocked me right upside the noggin mid-sentence.

1. Sure, some bad things have happened, but so have some good. I am sad some of my favorite actors and musicians died. I am elated none of my family and friends died.
2. Yes, it can get worse. The world didn’t end. As long as you’re still alive, you can find — or create — some happiness for yourself and for others.
3. Every year brings its own mix of good and bad. When the clock strikes 12:01 a.m. January 1, 2017, trust and believe that a whole new mix of good and bad awaits. Happiness, joy, success, misery, disappointment, defeat — none of them rely on our piddly little time system to make their arrival.

Ah, perspective.

With that in mind, let’s dive into some of this week’s latest on the why we need to stop saying 2016 was the worst year ever, the role your brain plays in sabotaging resolutions, what you should look for when you travel memory lane (and why), and more!

Stop Saying That 2016 Was the ‘Worst Year’: Max Roser, an economist and media critic at the University of Oxford, explains why “Americans have such a negative view,” basically pointing the finger at a lack of knowledge about the changing world due to current media structure (i.e. focusing on negative news as quickly as possible) and warning that “if we are not aware of our history and produce and demand only the information on what goes wrong, we risk to lose faith in one another.”

Why Your Brain Makes New Year’s Resolutions Impossible to Keep: “This phenomenon—using how we feel in the moment to predict how we will feel in the future—is called affective forecasting. And it makes sense: When you make a New Year’s resolution, you feel good about it at that moment, so you predict that you are going to feel good about it in the future. But when you actually go to do that resolution, the action itself doesn’t make you feel good (or at least not as good as sitting on the couch makes you feel). So you put it off.”

10 Tips for Setting and Sticking to Goals in 2017: So, on the above note, what are some ways we can set the best goals for us and achieve them (and remember that slipping up isn’t the end).

What You Should Reflect On When You Look Back at the Past Year: Here’s something to think about as you plan your itinerary for your next stroll down memory lane: a new study found that people who focused on positive aspects of their pasts — such as certain problem-solving achievements and the moments during which they defined their identity — “have higher self-esteem, self-efficacy, and a general sense of meaning in life.”

2017: Wellness, Health and Happiness: Several top wellness experts weigh in on how we can focus on — and succeed at — improving our health, healing, and happiness in the year to come.

10 Must-Read Brain Science And Psychology Studies Of 2016: Get a quick rundown of some of 2016’s most interesting studies including the relationship between marijuana and the fight against Alzheimer’s, genetic links to depression and happiness, why it’s so hard to break your dependency to sugar, and more.

from World of Psychology http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/12/31/psychology-around-the-net-december-31-2016/

One Trait Successful People Share

“Life Begins at the End of Your Comfort Zone”

The one trait successful people have is that they are willing to put up with being uncomfortable to get what they want. Successful people come up with ways to manage the uncertainty that makes them uncomfortable when they start something new and want to turn back.

Whether the end goal is a new lifestyle, job change, starting a new business, moving, or going back to school the road to end goal is tough. It can be characterized by self-doubt, regret, financial hardships, loss of social contact, anxiety, and sadness. But the reality is that all change, progress, and exciting things happen to you when you step outside of your comfort zone. That sounds easy enough — step outside of what you are comfortable with and the result will be amazing. However, the reality is somewhat uncomfortable, at least at first.

When you do something like leave the stable job you dislike to pursue your life dream it is hard. Exiting a job, even voluntarily, is emotionally grueling. It is frightening. It causes anxiety, and can even cause you to question your identity. Job separation, regardless of the events surrounding it, causes discomfort.

The reason is that discomfort or uneasiness happens when you have two or more conflicting thoughts. For example, there is a conflict between the need to separate from a miserable job to realize your life goal to be a nurse versus the need for stable income, belongingness, and identity. In another example, if you want to move to a new city you might find that you have conflict between the familiar and safe versus the risk of the new people and places. Change is scary. Unfamiliar faces and new responsibilities are unnerving. However, if all of us abandoned all changes immediately, because we were not comfortable right off the bat progress would be impossible.

The key is to manage the discomfort now so you can be in a better place a year down the road. So, how do we handle the discomfort now to get what we want in the future? First off,

“Don’t Call it a Dream, Call it a Plan”

1. State what you want clearly in one sentence. Don’t over think it. Just write in down.
2. Develop a plan. Dreams are business plans put into action.
3. Exercise regularly. Exercise helps you handle uncertainty. It manages anxiety and eases depression. It increases your self-confidence and self-esteem. The bottom line is this: people who work out make more money than people who do not. People that exercise tend to be leaders. They also express greater overall life satisfaction – probably because they use exercise to handle the discomfort that comes with change, progress, and goal achievement.
4. Celebrate the small victories. Relish in the daily victories. At the end of each week, document your achievements.
5. Acknowledge your defeats. Accept responsibility. Figure out why they happened, and state what you learned from them. Make the necessary changes in your plan. Move on. Rumination or sitting around thinking about what happened will get you nowhere.
6. Seek out the right social support. Surround yourself with people that can help you achieve your goal, have similar lifestyles or jobs, and support you to change.
7. Minimize expenses. Successful people manage money well. When you are starting a new venture the last thing you need is a ton of bills piling up. Cut out unnecessary expenses. You will be amazed by how liberating it is!
8. Remind yourself why you are pursuing the dream and making the change. You will second guess yourself. When you do state plainly why you want to pursue the goal, and revisit why you were not fully satisfied with you prior life.

Change is uncomfortable, but it is a part of success. Successful people tolerate the discomfort and manage it knowing that it will not last forever and there is a reward at the end.

from World of Psychology http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/12/30/one-trait-successful-people-share/

Surviving Infidelity Requires the Partner Who Strayed to Feel Genuine Remorse

There are many practical reasons why men and women who have an affair outside of their committed relationships might wish to reverse course, reconcile, and move forward with their legitimate partner.

Affairs frequently turn messy and almost always leave emotional destruction in their wake, especially if children are caught in the middle. Children too, have many issues when their family is afflicted with infidelity.

On top of the pain the betrayer inflicts, romantic liaisons can give rise to many practical hardships. These include financial entanglements, career and professional repercussions, health-related consequences, and social and community fallout.

No wonder if after “John” betrays his commitment to “Sue,” or vice versa, he might awaken one morning with a cold sweat of regret.

But it’s not enough.

If John merely wants to reestablish his relationship with Sue because he bemoans the negative chain reaction that his behavior has set in motion, this is insufficient, and Sue should have no part of it. As much as she might covet a return to her pre-infidelity relationship with John, there are important steps that he first must take if he is to be forgiven and if there is to be a realistic chance to repair and rebuild their couple. For John to just, “kiss and make up” is not enough to ensure a healthy future for him and his family.

Importantly, John must feel genuine remorse — in his heart — and recognize that the affair was wrong, a betrayal of the commitment implicit in his relationship with Sue, and deeply hurtful to her.

After many years of counseling couples whose relationships have been fractured by infidelity, I have identified 7 Survival Steps, which if carefully followed by both partners, provide the best chance of avoiding dissolution of the relationship. In fact, these 7 Survival Steps offer a path to move forward together as a caring, dedicated, and respectful couple.

Step #3, which I discuss in this article, is: The Partner Who Strayed Must Feel Genuine Remorse for His or Her Betrayal. [You can view all of my prior Psych Central articles on infidelity and other topics here: http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/author/abe-kass/]

For the sake of illustration, I use the names “John” and “Sue” when writing about infidelity. They are a fictional couple but represent a composite of many men and women who I’ve helped over the years. The examples I provide would be no different if the roles were reversed and it was John who was betrayed and Sue who strayed.

Too often, individuals who have an affair regret getting caught or regret hurting their partner, children, and other loved ones. They tell me time and again, “I never intended to cause so much damage.”

But before John and Sue can move on to the next of the 7 Survival Steps, John must take as much time as necessary to weigh his behavior and truly, to the depth of his bones, recognize that what he did was wrong and hurtful.

John must see firsthand how he has injured his wife. In essence, he must be prepared to experience Sue’s pain and to recognize the pain he has caused others and his family. To aid him, John and Sue together may want to work with an experienced and caring relationship specialist.

For many couples working alone and attempting to give John the necessary awareness of what Sue has been going through so he will have genuine remorse, can lead to arguing and further unintended injuries. That’s why a trained therapist is often necessary to keep things calm and safe.

In words and deeds, John must demonstrate genuine contrition for his actions. Anything less will not suffice.

The purpose of Step #3 is not to punish John or stigmatize him. The goal, above all others, is to prevent a reoccurrence. Only if, and when, John truly feels the error of his ways, can both John and Sue believe it is possible he will never again violate his commitment to her.

The final portion of Step # 3 is for John to ask Sue for forgiveness. In some cases, the partner who strays begins asking to be forgiven from Day One. But such requests are insufficient and don’t reflect an enlightened understanding of what the partner is requesting to be forgiven for. An initial apology and request for forgiveness is a good start. However there is much more work to be done if trust and love are to be reestablished.

John needs to do the work necessary to fully grasp the damage his bad behavior has caused. When Sue senses that he truly understands only then can she begin to feel there is hope for the two of them together. When John senses Sue’s “hope,” only then can he too begin to have hope himself that as a couple they will recover and he will be forgiven.

Are you or a family member struggling to cope with the aftermath of infidelity? I offer other helpful articles at SurvivingInfidelity.info.

from World of Psychology http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/12/30/surviving-infidelity-requires-the-partner-who-strayed-to-feel-genuine-remorse/

Forget the “New Year, New Me” Goal Hype – Consider Focusing on Life Habits Instead

Adults and teens alike often achieve results by setting goals and taking actionable steps to reach those goals. But what if you can find a better way to help you accomplish your dreams? Instead of focusing on short-term goals, teens can learn how to set good habits that will carry them through life, which will naturally propel them toward achieving their goals.

Defining the Difference between Setting Goals and Learning Life Habits

Most adults and teens understand what it means to set a goal. Whether you want to learn a new language, lose 20 pounds, write a book or train for a 5K, you set a goal and then take action to reach your dream. You evaluate what you need to do to reach that goal, such as buying books on the language, listening to podcasts or CDs, watching YouTube videos, visiting a foreign country or taking college classes.

However, you can instead try a different approach — instill in your teen the value of life-long learning. He will then place a high priority on learning a new language. By emphasizing the habit instead of the goal, he will easily achieve the goal. The habit includes setting up a disciplined system to follow to accomplish any goal in life. Instead of viewing each goal as a separate dream, your teen will learn effective life skills that will serve him in whatever he does.

Developing Life Habits

If your teen focuses on life habits, such as continuing education, then he will keep learning, even if he doesn’t set a specific goal, such as speaking conversational Spanish in 18 months. Simply by disciplining himself and spending time studying for 30 to 60 minutes each day, for example, as part of developing good habits, he will learn what he sets his mind to learn, in this case, how to speak Spanish. Instead of working toward a goal, he is committing to a process. Goals have a much more immediate and urgent feel while the process allows you to focus on long-term, personal development. Furthermore, in many cases, goals might depend on something that is out of your control. Habits help you see progress while goals help you plan that progress.

Habits of Effective Teens

Author Sean Covey further outlines this process in his bestselling book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens, modeled after his father’s book, The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People, which focuses on adults and has sales of more than 15 million copies. Sean claims that teens should implement the following habits in order to be successful.

• Set Priorities
  Time management and prioritizing activities helps teens focus and finish what they need to do. By putting first things first, they will be able to move forward past difficult situations and develop persistence during the tough times.
• Consider the Goal and End Result
  If you don’t know what you want from life, you will not be able to achieve your goals. Focus on setting a life vision statement that can guide you and help you determine if you are taking the right steps to move you toward the person who you want to be and that help you reach your goals.
• Live Proactively
  A proactive life will move a teen toward successful living. This means that your son will need to own his life and take responsibility for his actions. He alone is responsible for his feelings and can take steps to improve his situation.
• Develop an Attitude of Win-Win even in Difficult Situations
  Win-win means that there are no losers — everyone comes out ahead. Brainstorm solutions that benefits all parties as much as possible. By rethinking their approach, your teen will learn the art of compromise. You can instill some of this at home by making suggestions that help your teen understand how both of you can win in discussions, such as curfew, chores and responsibilities and privileges.
• Work to Understand Others
  When your teen understands others, they will be more likely to reciprocate and work to understand him. Teach him how to actively listen as the foundation of effective communication.
• Cooperate to Obtain Better Results
  Synergy means that two or more people work together to accomplish something greater than any of them can alone. This teaches teens that everyone brings different gifts to the table that enhance the end result.
• Refresh and Renew
  Rest and take breaks in order to avoid burnout and perform at your peak levels.

By learning good habits, teens can establish a productive foundation for their lives. They can continue to build on this foundation toward a successful future.

Resources:

http://www.education.com/magazine/article/Ed_7_Habits_Successful. Wood, Danielle. May 31, 2013.

from World of Psychology http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/12/30/forget-the-new-year-new-me-goal-hype-consider-focusing-on-life-habits-instead/

Best of Our Blogs: December 30, 2016

“I try to live in a little bit of my own joy and not let people steal it or take it.” – Hoda Kotb

The holidays are supposed to be about peace and love. Then why does it create so much pain, suffering and disappointment?

No one can live up to the fantasy of what the holidays are supposed to be. Instead most of us are trying our best to cope with the narcissistic, manipulative and insensitive family we have.

The only way we can enjoy the holidays is to let go of expectations. While grief accompanies acceptance, so does freedom. Not basing your joy on anyone else is truly the best gift you can get.

If you’re struggling with letting go of old habits, grudges and intense emotions, read our top posts to end 2016. It will help you start the new year off right.

VALIDATION: The Relational Skill that Softens Defenses
(Mindful Mastery) – The more you try to help a loved one, the more defensive he or she gets. Here’s why what you say could be exacerbating their painful feelings, not diminishing it.

The Hell of Perpetual Happiness
(Narcissism Meets Normalcy) – When is happiness a bad thing? When you live with or around people who require it at all times.

5 Things You Need To Stop Doing–Starting Now–to Move On
(Knotted) – Want happiness and healing in 2017? They key is knowing how to move forward. If you’re stuck, this will help you let go of unhealthy behavior so you can move toward a healthier, happier life.

Advice for Coping with Guilt Trips
(The Recovery Expert) – Do you feel selfish, uncaring and thoughtless? A master manipulator may be the cause.

New Year Exercises: Five Quick Tips and Activities to Help Your Clients Start the Year off Right!
(Psychoeducation in Psychotherapy) – Looking for fresh and creative ways to motivate your clients toward positive change? Read this list.

from World of Psychology http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/12/30/best-of-our-blogs-december-30-2016/

Moving from New Year’s Resolutions to Setting Intentions: 5 Tips to Help You Start

New Year’s resolutions are a thing of the past.

When I was growing up, and even into adulthood, people would always be asking each other “what is your new year’s resolution” right before the new year was about to hit. And, me not knowing any differently, would always try to come up with something to change for the new year. This would go on for several days, and often the weeks before the new year. When I was in school one of my new year resolutions would be “next year I don’t want to procrastinate so much.” That generally lasted a couple of months, if I was lucky, and then it went by the wayside. According to StatisticBrain.com some of the top resolutions include stop smoking, lose weight, stay fit and healthy, and save more and spend less. Their statistics also show that only 8% of people are successful in achieving their resolutions.

Moving Towards Setting Intentions

This brings me to my next thought of changing the way we enter the new year. In the last couple of years, I have become more aware of social media and people around me talking about “setting an intention”. By setting an intention I am referring to thinking about how you want to live, engage in the world, and get the most out of your life while looking towards the future. When you lack intention, that’s when you may stray from your path, or feel like you’re lacking focus in your life.

The great thing about setting an intention is that you can make this a daily, weekly, monthly, or yearly process. You also might have different intentions for different time periods. For example, one of my daily intentions is to be mindful of how I interact with those around me, my thoughts, actions, and my speech.

An example of a yearly intention is paying more attention to my health, and think about how I am caring for myself. This is different than saying “for my new year’s resolution I want to lose 20 pounds and am going to stay away from junk food. According to mindfulminutes.com, setting an intention should not be confused with a goal. They refer to an intention as “… an aim, a purpose, or attitude you’d be proud to commit to.” It’s like the old Buddhist saying “what you think what you become.”

5 Tips to Start Helping You Set Intentions

Here are some ways to set positive intentions in your life, whether that be for new year’s, or every day of the week.

First and foremost, make your intention positive. The more you are positive in your life, the more you will attract positive things. That may be something related to your personal life, work life, or spiritual life. Whatever it is for you, the importance of positivity is key in setting a successful intention.

Secondly, set realistic intentions, with realistic time frames. You know how some people say “the bigger, the better.” Well, when setting an intention, it’s probably the opposite. You want to set yourself up for success, which might mean smaller, more frequent intention setting. Just like in the example I gave earlier, waking up an setting an intention for the day gets you started on the right foot.

Next, write your intentions down. Get a separate journal or notebook, and keep track of your intentions. You can add to that in any way you like, or just have it as a list for your reference. Similar to when you write down what you’re grateful for, this creates a larger chance of your gaining something from the process of setting your intentions.

Some people find that sharing their intention with a friend, co-worker, or loved one, they are not only held more accountable, but are able to receive support from those people in helping you stayed focused on your intention.

Lastly, if you are setting a daily intention, try to spend some time meditating. This helps clear your mind and really focus on what your intention is for that day. If you are saying “I don’t have time to meditate”, all it takes is 5 minutes. That’s part of setting the intention as well.

If you are interested in learning more about setting intentions and how they can be helpful in your daily life, please feel free to contact me.

from World of Psychology http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/12/29/moving-from-new-years-resolutions-to-setting-intentions-5-tips-to-help-you-start/

Experience the Freedom of Living in the Present: DBT Skills Anyone Can Use

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is a highly effective evidence-based treatment that was originally developed by Marsha Linehan in the late 1980s for the treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder (Linehan, 1993). Today, it is used for the treatment of a variety of mental health issues such as depression, bipolar disorder, PTSD, substance dependence, and eating disorders.

What is DBT?

DBT is a cognitive-behavioral approach that places its emphasis on the psychosocial aspects of treatment. DBT focuses on the synthesis of opposites as a cornerstone of its philosophy, the balancing of acceptance and change. DBT teaches clients four sets of behavior skills: mindfulness, emotional regulation, distress tolerance, and interpersonal effectiveness.

Whether you struggle with mental health issues or not, everyone can benefit from these basic DBT skills. By incorporating them into your life you can learn to reduce overall stress, better manage your emotions and have a better overall quality of life.

Mindfulness

Mindfulness means being fully present in the moment. This sounds easier said than done. Most of us spend time multi-tasking, allowing our thoughts to wonder to multiple topics, living in the present or the past.

So “what” do I do when to practice a mindfulness skill? Observe, describe, and participate fully in the present moment. For instance, if you are getting caught up in your thoughts or worries, take a moment to redirect your mind to your present moment. Maybe focus on your physical sensations, observing and experiencing them without thought or judgement.

So “how” do you practice mindfulness? Non-judgmentally, one-mindfully, and effectively. When I was first learning mindfulness (and often even today) my mind would wander to other topics, my to-do lists, things I was worried about etc. Then I would often judge myself saying “I can’t believe I can’t just breathe for 60 seconds without distraction.” Mindfulness teaches self- compassion. To not judge. To allow ourselves to be imperfect. If my mind wanders, okay, I bring it back.

Practice not Perfection

Pleasant Activities

Many of us have problems coping throughout the day. Some of this may be a result of our inability to see joy in things. Often in life we spend a lot of time focusing on how to fix what’s wrong, “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it.” Ultimately, reducing and addressing unhealthy behaviors

and attitudes is great, but we have to build more positive ones to truly see how long term results have improved our overall quality of life. Here are some suggestions to build pleasant activities:

• Actively engage in enjoyable experiences every day, being mindful of the joy it brings you
• Work towards small achievable goals each week. One problem people encounter when trying to accomplish goals is feeling overwhelmed. Instead try listing out the steps needed to achieve the goal and tackle them mindfully.
• Attend to relationships in your life
• Be mindful of positive experiences in your life. Take note of things to be grateful for. Try taking a few moments each night to focus on what went well, what you are glad that you have. Acknowledging the good makes a huge difference and attracts more positive energy into our lives.

Radical Acceptance

One option you have to any problem is Radical Acceptance (Linehan, 1993). Radical acceptance is about accepting life on life’s terms and not trying to change what is outside of your control. It is about accepting life as life is.

Fighting reality or avoiding reality heightens pain. Imagine for instance, you are sitting in traffic on your way to work. You have a couple of options, you can get angry, yell, swear, let it ruin your day or you can use this as time for self-care, practice breathing skill, accepting that nothing you do will be impacting the traffic or change what time you arrive to work.

Another example: you get an email from your boss, subject line: Staff meeting this Friday. You think to yourself “another staff meeting, I can’t believe this. I have way too much to do and these meetings are always a waste of time. Just a way for management to feel important.” Or you can think to yourself “I’d prefer not to go and this is what it is. There is nothing I can do about it. Just breathe.”

Overall, all of us can benefit from becoming more aware of our thoughts and feelings and being centered in the present moment; engaging in more pleasurable activities, and accepting life on life’s terms. These skills will certainly lead to a happier and healthier life.

References:

Linehan, M. Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy of Borderline Personality Disorder. New York: The Guilford Press, 1993

from World of Psychology http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/12/29/experience-the-freedom-of-living-in-the-present-dbt-skills-anyone-can-use/

5 Ways to Make Peace with 2016 and Authentically Move into the New Year

With just a few days left of 2016, we inch toward the final days of this tumultuous year. Many of us may be looking forward in hopes of a fresh new start in 2017, but if we are to do so authentically then we must make peace with what has passed.

For many of us, the world as we knew it was turned upside down this year. Our fears and shadows rose to the surface to be seen on the personal and collective stage. 

Whatever appeared stable and predictable was unearthed and we found ourselves in a constant state of uncertainty. The reality of change was forced upon us, if we were in any way opposing this truth. In my hypnotherapy practice I saw many of my clients grappling with theses harsh realities.

Perhaps for many of us we just want this year to be over. To move past what has been lost and wounded and start anew. 

But it is impossible to start anew when we have unfinished business. To simply move forward in the same way we always have is actually psychologically moving back. It is a denial of change and that always leads to even  more suffering.

The question is then, how do we move forward into the new year authentically? 

The answer to this is not an easy one but a necessary one. It manes a complete internal overhaul. A deep and honest look within, to change what can be changed and accept what must be accepted and to be integrate what needs to be learned.

This is no easy process but a worthy one. Here are 5 steps we can start with right now to bring make peace with 2016 and move into authentic personhood.

1. Embrace Change

Take a hard look at the last twelve months. Make a list of the things in your life that have changed. Next to each change write down the percentage of resistance you have felt toward this change 0-100%. Next to that write down the emotion that went with that change. Notice how strong resistance to change usually produces negative emotions.

Now make a determination: Does everything in life change? If the answer is yes, then know that by resisting change you are in fact resisting the nature of life. It is up to you at this point to acknowledge and accept this cornerstone of reality. Go through your list and say: “Since I now accept that everything changes I choose to embrace the things I cannot change and change the things I can.

Notice how different you feel emotionally bring this level of acceptance to change.

2. Acknowledge Loss 

With change often comes loss. In as much as you embrace change, a healing space must also be created for the losses you have experienced. It may have been the end of  a relationship, a new job, a move to another city or something completely unique to you. Each of these changes result in the loss of emotional attachments and can be very painful and difficult to process.  To help heal the pain of loss write a letter to yourself acknowledging your loss. Write about how you felt at the time, the emotions and the struggles you’ve experienced and allow yourself to feel the grief end with a promise to hold a loving space for yourself whenever you need it. Complete this process by doing something to honor what has been lost in your life.

3. Uncover Lessons that Need to Be Learned

Th most painful of experiences often hold the most profound lessons. Looking back at the most difficult and trying events this year, ask yourself what is that I needed to learn from this? What was this experience trying to teach me? Turn each painful experience into a powerful life lesson and commit to integrating these learning into your life in the year to come. 

4. Get to Know Your Shadow

If there is anything this year has made abundantly clear, it is that we all have a shadow. The darker part of our psyche that acts in ways that we consciously oppose. It is what we despise in others and refuse to look at in ourselves. Our shadow is the part of us that blames others and sabotages our happiness.The part of us that feel abandoned and afraid.

 If we really want  radical change, then we need to get to know and love our shadow. Start journaling to the part of you that gets angry, anxious or sad and has destructive behaviors. Come to know his or her underlying motivations and work hard to communicate with and accept this part of you and in so doing heal deeply.

5. Integrate and Set Intentions

Once you courageously begin your work through steps 1 – 4 then your next task is integration. Look at the areas in your life in which need further acceptance and forgiveness. Integrate your wisdom into these parts of your life by laying down your defenses and offering deep compassion for yourself and others. 

Take the opportunity as this year closes to make peace with changes, losses and your shadow.  From this inner peace, you are now in the position to mindfully set goals that integrate the lessons you have learned into positive changes. 

By no means is what I have suggested an easy task, but it is worth it. It is worth walking courageously into the shadows with the healing light of conscious awareness. It is worth owning your power to create your life authentically and joyfully. It is worth making the very best of this beautiful and fleeting life.

Just take it one moment at a time. Make space for and embrace change joyfully and you will enter 2017 with a sense of reawakening to you.

from World of Psychology http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/12/29/5-ways-to-make-peace-with-2016-and-authentically-move-into-the-new-year/

PODCAST: How to Keep Your New Year’s Resolutions

In this episode of the Psych Central Show, hosts Gabe and Vincent discuss New Year’s Resolutions: why we make them, but frequently abandon them long before the year is over. They share some interesting statistics on the most common reasons for such failures. In addition to talking about their own personal failures with resolutions, Gabe and Vincent share some easy ways to make keeping your resolutions much, much easier.

Listen as Our Hosts Discuss Mental Illness as a Gift or a Curse

About The Psych Central Show

The Psych Central Show is our newest offering — an interesting, in-depth weekly podcast that looks into all things mental health and psychology. Hosted by Gabe Howard and featuring Vincent M. Wales.

Gabe Howard is a professional speaker, award-winning writer, and mental health advocate who lives with bipolar 1 and anxiety disorders. Diagnosed in 2003, he has made it his mission to put a human face on what it means to live with mental illness.

Gabe writes the Don’t Call Me Crazy Blog for PsychCentral.com as well as is an associate editor. He also writes and Video Blogs for Bipolar Magazine Online. He’s been a keynote speaker for NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness), MHA (Mental Health America), OSU (Ohio State University), along with many other venues. To work with Gabe please contact him via his website at www.GabeHoward.com or e-mail Gabe@GabeHoward.com.

Vincent M. Wales is the author of several award-winning speculative fiction novels and the creator of costumed hero Dynamistress. He lives with persistent depressive disorder and is a trained suicide prevention crisis counselor with additional counseling background. A Pennsylvania native, he obtained his BA in English writing from Penn State. While a resident of Utah, he founded the Freethought Society of Northern Utah. He now lives in Sacramento, California. Visit his websites at www.vincentmwales.com and www.dynamistress.com.

Previous Episodes can also be found at PsychCentral.com/show.

Subscribe to The Psych Central Show on iTunes and Google Play.

from World of Psychology http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/12/29/podcast-how-to-keep-your-new-years-resolutions/

Five Tips for Breaking Your Tech Habit

It’s tough to disconnect in an always-on world. Many people have shared with me how their devices are an extension of their bodies to them. Arriving at the store or their office, realizing they’ve forgotten their phone, results in anxiety. Most of us probably know that overuse of the internet is not a good thing for us, but like all habits, they are hard to break.  Since connectivity a bit part of today’s culture and can negatively influence our mental health, it’s a trend to we need to pay attention to. Here are five of my favorite tips that address negative tech habit.

1. Do not start your day with email: It can set a negative tone for your whole day. The moment when you wake up, it’s not a great idea to read that email about another meeting that’s a waste of time or get a reminder for an overdue bill. You’re cranky before the day even begins. Start your day with a short devotional or a few moments in the sunshine to begin on a calm note.
2. Leave your phone in the car: When I’m at the grocery store, I don’t need to take a call or check my email. There’s nothing currently happening in my life that requires me to be available 24/7. I realize that’s not the case for everyone. However, when you can leave it in the car, you’re removing the temptation to mindlessly scroll. If you’re standing in a long line, you don’t have to summon the willpower to not compulsively check your phone.  Instead you can observe what’s happening around you and maybe even talk to another person in real life.
3. Disable accounts: I can see your expression. The thought of not checking Facebook daily may be a foreign concept to you. Some tell me it’s the only way they can keep up to date with their grandchildren so they can’t imagine not logging into Facebook for a period of time. Notice I did not say “Delete.” I said “Disable.”  You can disable it for a period of time and come back at a later date. The reason why I frequently disable Facebook is that it is not serving me. Spending time on Facebook does not bring me any closer to meeting my goals. It only serves as a distraction and often times a downer — especially with commentary and options on our recent presidential election. I don’t want to fill my head with negativity and wear myself down with information I simply don’t need to know. Will I use Facebook again? Sure, every few months, I re-enable it for several days, then shut it down again.
4. Use “Zenware”: There are a number of tools and gadgets available to help monitor and prevent your internet use. With them, you block the internet for a determined period of time and set your browser to keep you off specific sites. These will not solve the problem. However, these tools will support you in your efforts to change.
5. Mindfulness: Pay attention to how your technology use makes you feel. Are you anxious? Annoyed? Tired? Negative? As I mentioned up with Facebook, it wore me out. That’s the simplest reason for why I’m on there only occasionally.

Below are some other questions to ask yourself when it comes to your overuse of technology. You may even want to post them by your primary computer and do a self-check throughout the day.

• Why am I surfing these sites?
• What do I hope to get from it?
• How do I feel about what I’m reading online?
• What’s the expected outcome?
• Is it getting me to where I want to go?
• What do I not have time to do because I’m spending time online?

So is your heavy internet use really an “addiction”? Is it really that bad to be connected all day? Should you bother monitoring time online? Yes. Yes to monitoring your time. Yes to not being connected all day every day. And yes, in some cases, it can become an addiction.

The internet bombards us with other people’s thoughts, ideas and expertise. This constant influx of information — much of which is annoying or negative — leaves little room for creative thinking. We need downtime and quiet time to rest and recharge. At the very least, take a few minutes to evaluate your own habits. I bet there is some room for improvement. Start by asking yourself some of the above questions about your use and incorporate one of the tips above for breaking your habit. Even small change can go a long way in improving how you feel mentally and increase your productivity.

from World of Psychology http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/12/28/five-tips-for-breaking-your-tech-habit/

E-therapy Provider Talkspace Under Fire, CEO Oren Frank Responds

Talkspace, one of the latest attempts to try and provide online therapy (a modality available to people since 1996), is under fire yet again. This time it comes from Cat Ferguson writing over at The Verge, questioning Talkspace’s patient anonymity protections and the use of freelance therapists to staff their service.

The article, published last week, is based upon first-hand accounts of presentations, emails, and interviews with numerous Talkspace therapists. And despite Talkspace’s insistence that therapists are freelancers, the firm apparently forbade therapists from talking to the reporter — an odd directive if the company isn’t your boss.

Let’s see what The Verge discovered — and get exclusive responses from Talkspace’s CEO.

After reading The Verge’s article, I reached out to the head of Talkspace, CEO Oren Frank. He provided lengthy, thoughtful answers to my questions which helped put some of the issues raised by the original article into perspective. I include excerpts from that interview below. When asked about why he declined to talk to reporter Cat Ferguson, Frank replied, “We found clear written evidence [that the article was not being written in good faith] early on, and decided not to collaborate with a piece that re-told the false accusations of three anonymous therapists that were no longer on the Talkspace platform due to professional and ethical issues.”

Anonymity Brings Up Complicated Issues

The option of providing anonymity to clients in an online psychotherapy service is a brave one.¹ However, such a policy must also bring a well thought-out plan for how to deal with crises and people in need of more immediate help than your service can provide. It’s not clear that therapists who use Talkspace understand how it all works:

Until recently, the four-year-old company’s recommendation for helping patients who were a danger to themselves or others was to contact a member of senior management, according to current and former therapists. In a message to a therapist, a clinical leader said that, in an emergency, the company could give the police a client’s IP address, which is not always accurate.

In several cases uncovered by The Verge, Talkspace therapists asked a Talkspace employee for client contact information after they felt obligated to report dangerous situations and were rejected. More than one case of possible child endangerment went unreported, after therapists were denied even an IP address.

Talkspace denies this ever happened because it simply doesn’t make sense that they would impede therapists’ access to such information if needed in a crisis situation. “[…] When a therapist decides they may have a “duty to warn,” we have, and will provide, the information we have about a client,” says Frank. “[…] The allegation that anybody at Talkspace would not go to great lengths to save somebody in danger of harm is appalling and offensive.”

I think one of the challenges is that it is reliant upon the therapist to collect this information independently from each client. Talkspace apparently doesn’t collect this information when collecting billing information from their clients and claims it is standard practice in the industry: “In order to minimize the collection of sensitive information, most modern companies pass financial data directly through to their payment provider and do not store it.”

While it’s true most companies don’t collect and store credit card information (what’s called PCI), it’s not at all true for basic identifying information about the individual, such as their name, address, and email address. Talkspace apparently doesn’t store this non-PCI information, although they readily could — which would go a long way to resolving the concerns about emergency and crisis situations.

Talkspace Realizes Its Therapists Might Be Seen as Employees

After their last round of funding, apparently someone at Talkspace wised up to labor laws and what types of things an employer can’t do in order to properly claim people who work for them are independent contractors, not employees. For instance, you can’t dictate work schedules, pay rates, or vacation time — many of which Talkspace was apparently doing right up until a few months ago:

“When I first started, you were expected to be logged in six out of seven days,” a former Talkspace therapist told The Verge, explaining that the company later bumped that down to five days a week. “After your client posted, there was a countdown timer. If you didn’t respond after eight hours it would flash.”

[…] “Regardless of if you are out of town or at home, you need to log on twice daily as agreed upon as a provider, to engage with your clients. Once you’ve been a provider for SIX MONTHS then: Talkspace will allow one week off each year.” Therapists were also required to offer a free, 30-minute live session to every client, within a week on either side of the vacation time; many therapists have dozens of clients.

These policies have since been revised to be in more in keeping with a company simply offering a technology platform for therapists to use (versus a company employing therapists to provide psychotherapy on their website). “Psychotherapy is delivered by licensed professional therapists on the Talkspace platform, so you’re right, and the “care” is therapy,” noted Frank. “However, it is not Talkspace or its employees that deliver that care, but independent licensed therapists that use our platform to deliver it.”

Conflicting Privacy Claims & Procedures

For at least part of the company’s history, it appears Talkspace has operated under some dubious privacy claims. For instance, its homepage in 2014 offered a “privacy guarantee,” which, when clicked on, took you to the company’s length, legalese-laden privacy policy that included the surprising statement:

We do not guarantee that talkspace.com will be safe or secure.

The “privacy guarantee” on the homepage was later removed without comment and replaced with the even worse claim, “You can message your therapist anytime and anywhere, from your smartphone or the web, 100% safe and secure” (emphasis ours).

When asked about these clearly contradictory statements, Frank responded, “No government or agency or company can legally offer a guarantee of total security in their Terms of Use or Privacy Policy and security may be affected by client behavior we do not control. The homepage text refers to the security of the platform versus an unsecured cell phone or other mode of communication that cannot be used safely with private medical information…”²

The privacy policy statement above remains a part of the service — an odd disclaimer for the 300,000 people using their service expecting some expectation of safety and security. Especially where the homepage, in large text, proclaims that the service is “100% safe and secure.”

This disconnect between what the company says they do, and what they actually do can be seen in one incident from earlier this year. Apparently one of their senior management copied a set of their patients on an insecure email communication sent to them regarding their therapist. The senior management person apparently failed to use the blind copy feature of email, meaning each client saw one another’s email address — violating each client’s privacy and confidentiality. This vice president also apparently sent the communication in clear text email — a medium generally considered inappropriate for most patient communications (outside of appointment notifications).

“The insecure email was a single human error; an employee simply hurrying to properly respond to what she perceived as a reckless message from a therapist to her clients,” said Frank, who also said that they apologized for the error and clients were compensated. “I’m thankful that most of them have decided to stay with Talkspace.”

You would think that a company that prides itself on its secure messaging platform would use that same platform to contact clients using it, but that’s not the case for Talkspace. “Client communications are handled through a variety of channels — in-room messages, push notifications, phone support, and email — depending on the message,” noted Frank.

“All client communications are standardized for the situation at hand, and sent through the appropriate channel depending on the nature and the sensitivity of the communication.” Clearly, in the case of this email from a member of the company’s senior management, that did not happen. You would also hope that companies working in such a sensitive business would employ senior management who are well-trained and experienced in communicating issues in a secure, appropriate manner.

Should You Use Talkspace?

The choice to give online therapy a try using an app or service like Talkspace is always going to be a personal decision, based upon what you know of the company and its reputation in the industry. Personally, I wouldn’t be as interested in using a platform where they make certain marketing claims about their safety and security that contradict their actual policies and legalese. I also wouldn’t be happy that although they could choose to capture more personal information about their customers that could help in times of an emergency or crisis situation, they decline to do so, leaving it up to every one of their therapists to fill in that self-created gap.

When you walk into most real-world therapy clinics or group practices, a secretary or administrative assistant has you fill out basic information forms, including payment information. (In sole practices, this might be done by the therapist themselves.) You’d think that, like most companies offering a service platform online, Talkspace would collect such information and pass it along to the therapist — just like a good administrative assistant. Instead they wash their hands of such information, and lay all of the responsibility on each of their freelance therapists.

It’s not clear to me that the company understands the value and importance of this information. After all, offering psychotherapy services isn’t like offering psychic services or selling shoes online. For me, I’d value a company run by mental health professionals who appreciated why their service needed to be designed and marketed a certain way. These are complex issues, and ones that I don’t think Talkspace or its top executives fully understand.

 

Read the original article: Breakdown: Inside the messy world of anonymous therapy app Talkspace

Read Frank’s response: Response to false accusations against Talkspace

Footnotes:

1. One that I actually embraced back in 1999 when I helped run one of the first online e-therapy clinics, Help Horizons.
2. Frank went on to say, “(Skype is a good example), and contrasts us with other services that do not have licensed therapists and do not encrypt their client communications (there are a few ‘listening services’ out there, and the stories we hear from clients that tried them are frightening and reinforce the need for professional online therapy.)”

from World of Psychology http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/12/28/e-therapy-provider-talkspace-under-fire-ceo-oren-frank-responds/

You May Need to Rethink Medication for ADHD

Let me start by saying that the decision to give medication to a child always rests with the parent. If a parent feels uncomfortable about medication, they should not be shamed or coerced into feeling differently. That being said, there is a lot of misinformation and misguided notions out there on not only ADHD medication, but the disease itself. My goal is to educate people on what ADHD is, what it is not, and the facts regarding treatment. I have no agenda other than that, and no, there is no pharmaceutical company paying for this article. Let’s answer some questions!

What is ADHD?

ADHD is a disease. It is a neurological disorder in which the prefrontal cortex of the brain is under-functioning. Because the most common symptom of ADHD is hyperactivity, this is somewhat counterintuitive to what people think is going on. Stimulant medication works because it stimulates the part of the brain that is not functioning at the level it should be. The prefrontal cortex is responsible for impulse control, higher order thinking, social cues, memory, and emotional regulation. When the right neurotransmitters are not being released those responsibilities can fall by the wayside, leading to the ADHD symptoms we see. There is a very specific set of symptoms attached to ADHD, and a quick Google search for DSM V (5) ADHD symptoms will take you there.

Is there a test for ADHD?

No. It would be great if there was, but there just isn’t. However, there are several assessments that will tell you the likelihood your child has ADHD. The most well-known and commonly used is called the Conner’s Checklist. The parent and teacher each fill one out, the checklists are scored, then provided to the doctor. This checklist is considered to be pretty ironclad when determining likelihood of ADHD.

Couldn’t every child be diagnosed with ADHD?

Nope. This is another common misconception. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, 5th version, lists very specific symptoms (too numerous to list here). The DSM also lays out what is known as diagnostic qualifiers. These qualifiers are in place to ensure that the disorder is not over-diagnosed. Here they are:

• Several inattentive or hyperactive-impulsive symptoms were present before age 12 years
• Several symptoms are present in two or more settings (such as at home, school or work, with friends or relatives, in other activities).
• There is clear evidence that the symptoms interfere with, or reduce the quality of, social, school, or work functioning.
• The symptoms are not better explained by another mental disorder. The symptoms do not happen only during the course of schizophrenia or another psychotic disorder.

Why should I consider medication?

I had the privilege of speaking with a well-known pediatrician over the weekend and he shared some insight in working with ADHD over the past 20+ years. He is a proponent of ADHD medication and started by saying this. “If I told you your child’s body is not producing the insulin it should, as we see in diabetes, I would prescribe synthetic insulin and you wouldn’t hesitate to give it to him. If I diagnose your child with ADHD and tell you his brain is not producing the chemicals it should and I prescribe a stimulant medication, you would likely balk at the notion. What’s the difference? We know that low insulin can affect and change their mood, focus, and concentration. We want them to be who they truly are, not changed by their condition.” That struck me, as I had not thought of it that way before. Which is amazing when you consider that mental health is my job. He went to say that “stimulant medication is at least 80% effective when used for ADHD, making ADHD the most treatable disease we know of.” If your child has been diagnosed with ADHD, or if your child’s school is recommending a doctor’s evaluation, then the symptoms are severe enough that they are affecting your child’s performance. If this is the case then they need help.

Won’t my child become addicted to the medicine or face horrible side effects?

The definition of addiction is that the substance must cause two things: tolerance and withdrawal. Tolerance means you get used to the substance and require more of it to get the same effect. Withdrawal means you experience negative symptoms (stomach ache, headache, etc.) when you do not take the substance. ADHD medication has not been shown to cause either of these. Stimulant medication is in a person’s system for a set amount of hours, depending on the medication and the dosage. It does not last 24 hours a day, which means that if there were withdrawal symptoms they would be seen daily — and they are not. The most common side effect of stimulant medication, and this is not seen in every case, is decreased appetite. The doctor I spoke with this weekend went as far as to say, “There is no other class of medications for no other ailment that has fewer potential side effects and is as effective as stimulant medication.”

If medication is so effective, why would counseling help?

One of the most exciting findings in the field of neuroscience is the discovery that the brain is plastic — meaning it can be changed and grow based on our experiences and what we focus on. What does this have to do with ADHD and counseling? Everything. Working on focus and attention can actually rewire portions of the brain and help develop better skills for the future. A counselor can help to develop a set of coping skills and strategies aimed at improving attention and focus.

from World of Psychology http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/12/28/you-may-need-to-rethink-medication-for-adhd/