Emotional Abuse in Children

Much of the work on emotional abuse has been written about adult relationships, yet children, pre-teens and teens have their own unique needs in these very important formative years. There are certain experiences such as secure attachment that need to be met in order for them to grow and thrive and unfortunately they do not always have that safe place in their own home.

In order to keep children from incurring unnecessary trauma, it’s essential to look at and be aware of areas that may cause emotional abuse so that they develop into healthy adults. This is an awareness exercise for any parent, teacher or care-giver that interacts with children of all ages —  as many developmental psychologists believe, a person’s identity is formed by age 10 so it’s an important topic to explore.

What kinds of things qualify as emotional abuse in children, pre-teens and teens?  I’m going to use the term “child” below for simplification but apply to the full range of what classifies as a minor under your care.  

• Being too busy to listen to a child when they need to process emotions, problems or ideas with you.
• Minimizing an offense that happened to the child.
• Over-hyping an offense that happened to the child so they feel they were completely powerless to stop it.
• Being co-dependent or independent to or from the child, instead of being inter-dependent.
• Not respecting the views of a child when they disagree with you.
• Not asking questions as to the why a child is saying something but assuming through your own filter what they mean.
• Punishing a child for an accident.
• Shaming a child for something they didn’t intend.
• Using guilt or lying to a child about what might happen to them if they participate in something you don’t approve.
• Forcing a child to smile, shake hands or hug someone they don’t know
• Labeling a child an emotion instead of saying they are experiencing the emotion.  Ex.  Saying “you’re shy” or “you’re lazy” instead of you are acitng shy or acting lazy…  as they are behaviors not identity markers.
• Not protecting a child from possible danger, being neglectful and ignoring their needs
• Living your dreams and wishes through the child instead of allowing them to follow their own giftedness
• Pressuring a child to perform as an adult when they aren’t developmentally equipped to handle a situation
• Rules that break the spirit of a child, out of the fear of a parent, instead of rules that actually protect them from danger
• Narcissistic fulfillment or image issues being projected onto a child
• Gossiping about a child to others, reading their emails or journals, not respecting their privacy
• Withholding rewards from children who have genuinely done something that added value to you or your family
• Expecting children to do hard labor for free and without incentives
• Over scheduling a child and not giving them enough free time to rest

Being aware of these and other situations where safe communications need to be practiced instead will help grow healthy children who will require less therapy when they are adults!  Parent and teach consciously and you will be successful.

from World of Psychology http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/12/08/emotional-abuse-in-children/