Mindfulness and the Subtle Art of Letting Go

This is kind of embarrassing, but I’ll tell you all anyway: I used to be a chubby kid and I hated when adults called me fat. To make it even worse, I had moderately long hair, so they often would mistake me for a girl. Nothing wrong with being a girl, but my child self just couldn’t handle other people’s realities.

Looking back now, I seriously don’t remember any adults who called me fat. I know they did because I had gotten mad and still have memories, but I don’t remember who those people were. If my child self had known how insignificant those moments were, I believe he would have been a much happier child.

Through timeless reading and facing adversity I have written three key tips to letting things go in moments such as these:

Be the master of every moment.

You are the master of your mind. Only you can decide what you’re feeling. Don’t let other people put you down with their words and actions. You have the decision to give in to their misery or to remain unaffected and pleasant.

Think of them as giving you a present. Inside of it is a little misery. Your mind has a choice to accept it or not. If you don’t accept it, what happens? The present remains with the owner and he or she has to deal with it.

People often receive one present of misery and give ten presents back. This just feeds the cycle of misery and it’ll keep going. People who feed the cycle want to receive your attention and get a reaction; don’t give into this. By understanding how this cycle works, you should remain unaffected and stop the cycle.

Humans crave social interaction, and when we are desperate for attention we say things or do things we don’t mean. It’s a really petty way of getting attention, but that’s okay because that’s what makes us human.

Whether it be for their ego or for their misery, accept that the people you’re dealing with just want to be desperately heard. Don’t feed their ego or misery. You have a choice to let things go.

Respect the law of impermanence.

We have all heard the saying “what comes up must come down,” and that applies to life as well. People give insufficient attention to this little detail in life. No matter how happy you are in life, there will be a time when that happiness goes away. Same goes with pain.

People who get attached to outcomes and material objects suffer a lot more than those who understand the impermanence of everything. Let these attachments go and you will feel more tranquil and have a lighter mind.

Take, for example, two people who bought the same pair of shoes. One is attached to them and worries about them getting dirty. The other understands that this is only one of many pair of shoes that he would wear in his lifetime and wears it without worry. Who suffers more?

When you feel attached to an outcome or feel aversion toward one, remind yourself of the law of impermanence. Correct understanding will help you let go of these feelings and have a calmer mind. It is a hard habit to master and may take a long time, but keep at it.

Accept that everything is changing all the time.

You aren’t the same person you were five years ago or even a year ago. Every day you change a bit, for better or worse. Accept that life changes and let things go. Focus on the present instead, and use what you learned from previous experiences to improve yourself. Learn to be unaffected by sudden or gradual changes, and when the time comes to let past outcomes go, you will be ready.

Your body is the best example of this. You can experience the change and apply the knowledge. The surface of your body is going through countless biochemical reactions at any given time. If you focus hard enough, you can even feel the changes. The world also is changing endlessly at any given time.

Each experience that you have gone through is comparable to a second of small vibrations on your body. You went through it and you’re here now. Why give so much attention and mental energy to something that’s so fast and insignificant? Let go of those thoughts and free your mind from the suffering that they cause.

Life is short. Your body is changing and degrading all the time. Focus on things that matter. If something is bothering you, let it go because it does not deserve your focus. Realize that it’s a little blip in your journey called life.

Little boy photo available from Shutterstock

from World of Psychology http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/02/04/mindfulness-and-the-subtle-art-of-letting-go/