The Other AA

I self-enrolled in AA. Alcoholics Anonymous? No, something far more potent than your favorite liquor.

Welcome to Attention Anonymous. Thank you for attending today’s meeting. You are among friends. To break the ice, let me confess my personal story. I am sure you can relate.

Like you, I have perfected the art of wasting time. First, I scan the sports headlines, detouring to fantasy football and basketball leagues. Second, I check news headlines and political op-eds. Third, I browse Twitter for last-minute airfares, shopping discounts, and the occasional insight. Fourth, I head to Facebook, speculating whether my 9th grade crush is single, divorced, or Facebook-evasive. Grousing at my tousled hair, frayed T-shirt, and stubbled self in the mirror, I promise to seize the day …. tomorrow.

A lot of heads are bobbing in agreement. Let me offer five strategies to overcome useless browsing:

1. Incentivize productivity.
   For every 15 minutes of productivity, reward yourself. If your attention wavers, redirect to the task at hand. You can slowly retrain your mind to concentrate. Mindfulness is a core principle centered on awareness and acknowledgment of intrusive, unwanted thoughts. Let your mind’s cacophony hum in the background; you are achieving your daily goals. Carpe diem.
2. Disable certain websites.
   When tasked with a demanding work project, my instinctual reactions: browse sports, news, and then more sports websites. Looming exam? I would read one more article — just this acclaimed Sports Illustrated story. But Alexander Wolff has always been my favorite columnist, and his hyperlink is right there. As soon as I click the link, the (world wide) web has ensnared me. And you.
3. Associate a certain place with work.
   The library was sacrosanct. I would find a hidden nook in cavernous Davis Library and plop down with my overstuffed satchel. Within 10 minutes, I would be grappling with the latest econ problem set.

   My dormitory, for me, was Kryptonite. Study hall degenerated into social hour. Friends, preying on my competitiveness, would goad me into a pickup basketball game. Four hours later, I would collapse on my beanbag. The perpetual smirk after besting my hoop buddies? Short-lived, as I recalled — and recoiled — at next week’s physics project.

4. My pathological addiction to email.
   Globetrotting in Costa Rica, I rifled through my pockets for my buzzing iPhone. Scrolling through my messages, I shook my head in dismay. Here I am living la vida, and I am searching for a phone. For what? To receive the latest restaurant.com special or booking discount code?

   Turn off the iPhone, disable the Bluetooth, and revel in the mist shrouding the mountains or the untouched stream meandering through the rainforest. As for that buzzing sound, it deserves your immediate attention if it is a family of bees encircling you.

5. Life is all about timing.
   Or so we mutter when commiserating about lost romances. Papers, like relationships, deserve your full attention. Both are time-consuming.

   Tossing the latest draft into the trash, I cringe. I will be burning the midnight, and 7 a.m., oil. My writing style can be likened to your first car: a lot of starts and stops interrupted with intermittent hissing. A la my 1990 Volkswagen Cabriolet, a quick 15-minute spin devolves into a hour-long excursion. While I bemoan my indecisiveness, I also understand how to budget my time. Just like my treasured Volkswagen, I overheat when I crank the accelerator.

   Work quality mirrors our time management skills. When rushed, thoughts are scattered, paragraphs are choppy, and main points are underdeveloped. If your attention wavers like mine, divide the paper into smaller, more manageable sections.

from World of Psychology http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/03/31/the-other-aa/

Don’t Let Defensiveness Stand in the Way of Personal Growth

I can remember watching the popular girls in my elementary school bully another student, I’ll call her Megan, because they thought she was “weird.” They would say rude things to her all day, making fun of her hair, her drawings, the way she spoke. And Megan would just sit there silently through it all, not even looking at them. She’d keep doing her homework, drawing, playing. Sadly, the other kids and I didn’t make any effort to help her, lest the mean girls turned their sights on us.

Megan was turning the other cheek, but I just didn’t get — not then. I figured they were teasing her because she didn’t fight back. I promised myself I’d always fight back. Of course that only got me into a whole new kind of trouble — Defensiveness.

It’s a knee-reaction, defending ourselves when we feel we’ve been wronged or falsely perceived. And when we’re insecure about something it’s easy to perceive personal attacks everywhere. When someone honks at us because we’ve hesitated to go when a light turned green, we may feel the need to say, “Hey, I’m not an idiot!” But it wasn’t personal. The person behind just wanted us to go. Even if they were actually mad, it truly wasn’t a personal attack on our self-worth.

Defensive walls go up quickly when we feel unappreciated or disrespected. The walls are meant to keep out unfairness and negative evaluations of our choices and behaviors. But what it often shuts out is self improvement. When we spend so much time defending ourselves, we stop hearing anything critical. Constructive criticism is useful to personal growth. For starters, it helps us communicate better, promotes social unity, and builds healthier relationships.

Defensiveness seeks to excuse behavior rather than let it speak for itself. For example, if you ask your neighbor to keep the noise down during a late night party and then you wake up the next day to a 20-page email from the neighbor about how “sometimes you make noise too.”

The thing is, action always speaks for itself. You can tell someone you like them, but if you always treat them poorly they aren’t going to believe you really like them. Words are rather flimsy, and we have to back them up with the action we take.

In my piece “Responsibility Is a Blessing Not a Curse” I explain that using excuses to avoid responsibility robs us of emotional competence and autonomy. A responsible person doesn’t try to lay blame elsewhere. Instead they are open-minded and proactive about problem solving. They don’t perceive their mistakes as devaluing their self-worth. They see mistakes as part of living and learning. But a defensive person sees a single mistake as something that undermines their value entirely. When someone points out a mistake, the defensive person feels a chasm of worthlessness open up under their feet.

When we become defensive we lash out at others and fill them with negative feelings. Then they’re less likely to accept our perspective. We’ve lost our chance to really hear what they have to say and we’ve ensured that they won’t hear us either. So ultimately defensiveness only makes a situation worse. It creates a painful schism in communication. The closer the other person is to us, the greater the hurt.

“We are conditioned to believe that strength means coming out on top and winning the fight,” writes Nancy Colier, LCSW, Rev. “But in fact, real strength means having the courage to put our swords and shields down, and to risk being open and un-defended.”

So next time you feel your blood pressure rise and the defensive barrier starting to go up, take a pause and don’t speak. Knowing that defensiveness often doesn’t accomplish what you want it to, maybe it’s worth not saying anything at all. Just like Megan who refused to say a word while being verbally abused by her fellow students. Maybe it’s time to practice self-compassion by letting it go and turning the other cheek.

Defensive Warrior image courtesy of Shutterstock.

from World of Psychology http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/03/31/dont-let-defensiveness-stand-in-the-way-of-personal-growth/

How to Stay Motivated When You Get Turned Down for a Raise or Promotion

It’s time for your annual review, and you’re gunning for a raise. You enter the meeting with your boss armed with a list of reasons why you deserve a salary bump, including the extra responsibilities you’ve taken on since a more senior colleague left the company, the major project you spearheaded last month, and the consistent positive feedback you’ve received from your clients, peers, managers, and direct reports over the past year.

With the supporting points you’ve gathered, you’re confident that you’ve got this in the bag.

But after you deliver your points, you’re crushed to hear your supervisor say, “I’m sorry, but we’re not able to adjust your salary at this point in time. Check back in six months, and keep up the good work.”

Rejection stings — hard.

Asking for a raise, promotion, or other added perk (like an extra week of paid vacation or remote working privileges) can take a lot of courage, so when your request is denied, it can feel like a punch in the gut.

While you’re evaluating your next step — whether that’s to start looking for a new position, make a plan to develop a new skill you need, or just wait it out for a while — it’s important to maintain your motivation and press forward as eagerly as, if not more than, you did before.

But let’s face it: No matter how hard you try to put on a good face, staying motivated can be really tough. So, here are five steps to follow to keep up the momentum after getting “no” for an answer:

1. Empathize and get the details.
   First, try to understand the external factors and pressures your supervisor is facing. If you didn’t get a clear reason for the “no” at the initial meeting, be sure to follow up and find out. Ask open-ended questions such as, “What’s contributing to your decision?” during the conversation. You’ll learn much more about the situation that way than you would by asking strictly yes or no questions.

   Perhaps, for example, you’ll find out that your boss wants to replace your colleague who left the company and isn’t interested in having you take on the extra responsibility. And even though you thought you were doing a good thing by volunteering for that extra work, it wasn’t what your boss wanted or needed.

   Understanding how the decision makers view the situation will give you a clearer idea of what went into their decision and can ultimately help you get what you want faster.

2. Proactively follow up and brainstorm creative alternatives.
   The second part of empathizing is seeing the situation through your manager’s point of view and coming up with alternatives that he or she may be more agreeable to.

   To effectively do this, start by communicating your awareness of the situation to your boss — either during the initial meeting or in a follow-up note — so that your manager knows you understand where he or she is coming from. For example, say, “Thanks for taking the time to clarify the company’s roadmap this morning. It’s been a challenging year, but it sounds like we have a solid plan heading into next year. I already have some ideas for how I can provide value to Project X in Q1. I’ll put an outline together that we can review in two weeks when we meet again.”

   In this response, you’ve not only expressed appreciation for your boss’s openness, but you’ve taken proactive steps to solve her problems — which shows commitment, resolve, and resilience in the face of a challenge.

   Next, brainstorm and share creative alternatives to your initial request that may be more feasible or achievable (and more likely to get a “yes”). For example, maybe the company had a bad quarter and it’s not within the budget to give any raises, but your manager would be open to allowing you to work remotely a few days each week to cut down on your long commute. It would be no cost to your employer but would give you a better quality of life — a true win-win.

   If you think about your request in wider terms, there are many ways to come out on top.

3. Be unforgettable.
   Moving forward, armed with knowledge about why your request was denied and having shown that you understand and empathize with your manager’s reasoning, channel your actions toward being an indispensable, unforgettable team member. Try your best to anticipate your boss’s needs before he or she asks you to address them, or go the extra mile to deliver top results that will make the entire team look good.

   If you’re doing valuable work that wouldn’t be possible without you, your management team will be much more likely to grant your future requests.

4. Seek out support.
   Now is the best time to enlist the support of a mentor. Not only can a mentor help encourage and inspire you, but he or she also may be able to offer you a different perspective about the reason your request was denied. At some point or another, he or she has likely been in the same position.

   It may be simple, but another perspective can go a long way in terms of helping you stay energized, focused, and positive after hearing “no.”

5. Set goals.
   Approach your next steps like individual projects. It can be much easier to stay motivated if you’re working toward a small goal, such as signing a new client within the next month, rather than a large one, like increasing sales by 20 percent over the next quarter.

   Setting attainable yet challenging goals will help you focus on one activity at a time and, more importantly, will fuel your fire to achieve success. Each time you hit a milestone, recognize your progress with a small reward, like dinner from your favorite sushi place. Building on and celebrating each small goal will help you maintain steam as you progress.

By following these steps, you can stay motivated so that a “no” answer becomes less painful and represents an opportunity, rather than an ending. Although it can seem tough at first, keeping the momentum going can open doors — either in your current role or a new one — that go beyond your expectations.

Get the FREE toolkit thousands of people use to better describe & manage their emotions at melodywilding.com.

from World of Psychology http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/03/31/how-to-stay-motivated-when-you-get-turned-down-for-a-raise-or-promotion/

What’s Your Name?

What’s your name? My name is Thomas Winterman, and I used to be a fat guy. Whew! It feels good to say that. No really, it’s nice to be able to call a spade a spade. I used to speak in code with words like “husky” or “large,” but I never allowed myself to say what I was.

I used to be fat, and it was not a good look on me. I was 275 pounds at my heaviest, and I was at (or near) my heaviest for a very long time. I loathed exercise and loved Taco Bell, a double chin recipe if I’ve ever heard one. When people said my name, they thought “fat guy.”

So what’s your name? My name is Thomas Winterman, and I used to be a lazy and unmotivated dope. It’s true. I was on academic suspension from Gulf Coast Community College (twice) because I signed up for classes and then never went. I am the guy who took a job working in an electrical warehouse delivering supplies all day because it sounded easy. I am the guy who took the path of least resistance because, meh, resistance sounded hard.

When people heard my name they thought of wasted potential, and a person who wouldn’t do one ounce more than was necessary to just barely scrape by. Then I had my aha moment, my Damascus road experience. I had a thought, an insight that set me on the path to forever changing who I was.

I was driving my delivery truck just like always. It was a day like any other, with nothing special happening. I always spent a lot of time in thought while driving my truck — there wasn’t much else to do — and on this particular day I was very introspective. All at once I had a thought, a fleeting moment of intuition. I realized exactly who I was — lazy, fat, unmotivated, no self-control, and lacking ambition.

Realizing who I actually was hurt, but realizing what message that was sending hurt even worse. You see, I was recently married and I told my wife every day that I loved her. And I did the things a loving husband does. But my life choices? They said I didn’t care. That hurt.

I realized that the sum of who I was, the message I was sending, didn’t match up with who I claimed to be. My eating habits and lack of exercise? Those would have me in the grave by 40. My job? I’d be making $10.50 an hour for the next 30 years. Those realities? They told my wife “I don’t care about you.”

Then, just as quickly, another thought hit me. One day I would have a son, and that son would have a career day at school. What would I feel on that day? Shame, guilt, and embarrassment. I’d be ashamed to go, and he would be ashamed to have me there.

Don’t misunderstand me — it’s not because I was driving a truck! I would be ashamed because I was capable of so much, and I could have done anything I wanted with my life, I just didn’t feel like it. My message to my son would be that you don’t ever have to try and you don’t ever have to do anything great because it might be hard. In that moment, wiping tears from my eyes, my thrive life began.

What’s your name? My name is Thomas Winterman, and I am a great husband and father. I weigh 205 lbs., have a masters degree in counseling psychology, work my dream job, and recently published a book. I am in phenomenal shape and am damn proud of the man I am today.

I am not perfect, and there have been a lot of bumps and bruises along the way. I don’t have a six pack, can’t slam-dunk a basketball, and cannot run 10 miles without stopping (all actual New Year’s resolutions). But when people hear my name, they think of a hard worker, someone who loves his family, and someone devoted to his craft.

My job, my purpose, is to help others who want to be better; to help others who want their name to mean something different. I’ve been there, and I can help you. True, lasting, and meaningful change has to start with an honest and thorough self-evaluation. People mostly want to start by mapping out where they are going, but in order to know where you are going you have to first know where you are.

Are you dissatisfied with some aspect of your life? Good. That’s the first step to change. So let me ask you — what’s your name?

Name Tag photo via Shutterstock.

from World of Psychology http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/03/30/whats-your-name/

Social Anxiety: 5 Truths and How to Relieve the Suffering

“Perfectionism is a twenty-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us, when in fact, it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from being seen and taking flight.” — Brené Brown

About fifteen million adults suffer from social anxiety according to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America. Fifteen million. And we’re not just talking about what you’d call shyness. We’re talking about big fears of judgment and scrutinization from others.

When we hear statistics it can be difficult to remember the humanness of those numbers. These are people who want to find love, who want to make new friends, or who need to talk to new people for work. Maybe you’re one of them. I used to be.

I remember feeling uncomfortable in my own skin, being highly aware of what I was saying, how I was saying it, and how other people were taking me in. I even remember being in college at a party standing with a group of friends when one of them loudly declared that I looked super uncomfortable.

Well, I was super uncomfortable, and that statement only brought more attention to my demeanor making me even more self-conscious. It sucked. I didn’t want to feel awkward let alone be known as the awkward girl.

I was always so concerned with how I was presenting myself. I wanted everyone to feel like I had it all together. I wanted to appear cool, but mostly I didn’t want to do a lot of things. I didn’t want to say the wrong thing. I didn’t want to make a fool out of myself. And I definitely didn’t want to be disliked.

What I wanted was to be able to speak easily to people. I wanted to feel laid back. I wanted to not be “shy” in groups. I wanted to feel comfortable. I wanted to get lost in the moment instead of watching and analyzing my every move. I wanted to just be me, and be okay with it.

Often times when we talk about anxiety this is where we stop. But I’ve discovered something deeper. I worked on myself a lot in my twenties. I made a very dear friend who was super outgoing. Being in her presence helped me see that I could present myself differently.

I could open up a bit more, I could smile a bit more, and I could show my happiness to strangers.

I also learned a lot about my ego. I saw some of the ways my mind was holding me back. I was able to acknowledge that fear was driving me in these situations and that I didn’t have to pay so much attention to my mind.

I became more comfortable in social situations through practice. I found my edge and worked from there. I became more cheerful, more outgoing, and it worked.

People responded, and I connected more deeply. It felt great, but it didn’t entirely feel easy. I still didn’t feel 100 percent in my own skin, and I found myself exhausted after being in social situations.

Years later I discovered that all along I had been afraid of being seen.

I’m not talking about being out in the world and observed by others. I’m not talking about being afraid of showing up at a party or an event and having people look at me. I’m not talking about superficial self-consciousness. I’m speaking about a deep, spiritual need to be seen for who it is we really are.

All this time I had actually been terrified that if someone saw who I really was they would reject me, and I didn’t know that I could recover from that. But if someone rejected the persona I’d created, well, that wouldn’t be as bad — it wasn’t really me.

I discovered this truth through something we all have at our disposal 24/7. It’s actually something we all need and use: the breath.

Breathwork is a powerful active meditation, and it’s changed so many aspects of my life including this one. It’s given me access to deeper truths about myself and about human beings in general.

We all want to be loved, and to be loved means you’re accepted as you are. So if you’re deeply afraid, unconsciously afraid, that you might not be loved, how do you think your body is going to respond? It’s going to feel fear.

It shows up as self-consciousness because our minds work to remedy the situation. If I monitor my every movement I’ll be safe. I won’t show too much of myself, and I won’t be rejected.

The problem here, aside from the fact that we don’t want to actually be living our lives in constant moderation of ourselves, is that we expend so much energy watching ourselves, trying to be the person we think we should be.

That’s why I was so exhausted after being in social situations. It took up so much of my energy to be around people and not feel like I could really be myself.

There is so much relief in being able to be yourself. There is so much freedom in having deep, unconditional love for yourself and knowing that the only thing that matters is that you have your own back.

It leaves you feeling comfortable being you. It allows you to have a more intimate relationship with yourself, discovering who it is you actually are instead of living under the guise you’ve created for yourself. That guise was a defense mechanism; it was your shield so you wouldn’t get hurt.

But you don’t have to worry about getting hurt anymore. Yes, you will still feel pain, but you will have such a deep trust in life that you know you’ll always get through it.

With this trust and this love and this new life, it’s not scary to show yourself anymore.

You know that the right people will forgive you if you mess up. You know that the people who you need to have around you are the ones who love the things that come out of your mouth, who don’t push you or manipulate you or judge you.

From simple, immediate action steps to deeper healing work, here are five ways you can start relieving your social anxiety today:

1. Use the Power Poses.

Power Poses are simple body movements scientifically proven to increase confidence hormones and decrease stress hormones. Before you’re going into a social situation put your hand behind your head or even simply raise your hands wide and high in the air.

2. Focus On Others.

When we’re self-conscious in social situations we’re so focused on ourselves that it’s extremely difficult to connect with others or to even relax. Try finding someone to connect with by asking them about themselves. Become interested in them and place all your awareness on what they’re saying. This helps us engage and removes us from our own self-concern.

3. Find Your Edge.

Know where you’re comfortable and where you feel like you’re going to have a panic attack. Somewhere in the middle lies your edge.

Your edge is the place you can go to that feels uncomfortable but not like you’re going to die. Hang out there, take some risks.

This might look like you starting a conversation with someone on your own, asking someone a question, making eye contact, or telling someone something about yourself that feels personal. Continue to practice living on your edge, and it won’t be your edge anymore.

4. Look Deeper.

You can remedy things by watching and emulating those who excel socially. Or you could spend time getting to know yourself more deeply, facing the truth that maybe you’re afraid to show who you really are. Once we’re willing to face the things we’re hiding from we can begin to liberate ourselves from these deep fears.

5. Use Your Breath.

You can use your breath in the simplest way to reduce your stress levels. Take deep belly breaths very slowly. The slower and deeper the breath the more you activate your parasympathetic nervous system creating a relaxing environment in your body.

If you want to go for full transformation you could try breathwork and see what you discover about yourself.

There is a life free of social anxiety. When you choose to dig a little deeper and take steps to heal yourself, you’ll find yourself on a new path. On that path you may discover that you don’t even know who it is you really are. But once you discover yourself, you’ll see there is a whole world of people out there waiting to meet you.

This article courtesy of Tiny Buddha.

from World of Psychology http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/03/30/social-anxiety-5-truths-and-how-to-relieve-the-suffering/

5 Surprising Signs & Hidden Symptoms of Bipolar Disorder

We tend not to think of people with bipolar disorder as having any “hidden symptoms.” It may seem that individuals with bipolar are either engaged in their treatment — and therefore experience few extreme mood swings — or they are not. If not, they may seem very depressed and down, or the opposite: very full of energy, excitement, and ideas.

After all, how much can one really hide his or her mood swings from others? Can someone suffer from hidden or masked bipolar disorder without others knowing?

The surprising truth is that sometimes people with bipolar disorder can do a pretty good job in hiding or minimizing certain symptoms of their condition. On World Bipolar Day, we explore some signs that perhaps individuals are struggling with their bipolar more than they care to let on.

I spoke with our very own Psych Central blogger Gabe Howard, who lives with bipolar disorder, to get some of his insights. I also spoke to others who have bipolar disorder to get a better understanding of the ways people sometimes try to hide their bipolar symptoms.

“It was difficult during my initial treatment because sometimes I was intentionally misleading people around me and sometimes I didn’t know,” Gabe told me. “I was learning the difference between depression and sadness. I was learning the difference between excitement and mania and, most of all, I was trying to figure out what my life was going to look like “on the other side.””

“It took me 4 years to learn all the coping skills I needed. To adjust my medications, to figure out what I could handle and couldn’t handle in life. Sometimes, I would hide my symptoms because I just couldn’t stand letting my family down again. I didn’t want them to worry.”

1. They try hard to keep the manic energy in check

You can sometimes see acquaintances with bipolar disorder struggling to keep their manic energy in check. They downplay the flight of ideas as just being creative and “feeling free” to explore a lot of different ideas. Or they may try and hide the mania while not around others, expending a lot of energy to keep a serene face on the outside while their thoughts race on the inside. Sometimes those with bipolar disorder doesn’t realize they’re sick until it is too late and the symptoms have once again taken hold.

This could be a sign that the person’s current treatment is not working as well as it could. It may be because the person is either not taking his or her usual medications, the medications need adjusting, or some other aspect of treatment is not working.

2. They pretend everything’s alright when it’s not

“Sometimes I would hide my symptoms because I just couldn’t stand the idea of switching medications again,” Gabe tells me. “I’d think to myself, ‘Hey, this isn’t ideal, but maybe I can live with it.'”

He and other sufferers of bipolar disorder said they would sometimes try to “fake it until you make it” — pretending the treatment was working even when they weren’t feeling any different. Lots of people with hidden illnesses such as bipolar put on a happy face to the world while inside, inner turmoil still reigns.

3. They beg off from being around friends or family

Those struggling with a mood swing — whether it be mania or depression — might do their best to keep it hidden by simply disconnecting from friends and family. They come up with a wealth of excuses to not go out, not to attend a family gathering or party, or say they’ll come only to cancel at the last minute. People with bipolar disorder going through the extremes of a mood swing may feel like they can keep it to themselves if only they cut off most communication with others, or keep it to the bare minimum.

This may also manifest itself in the opposite behavior during a manic episode — a person proposing a dozen different activities to do. And each day, the list is different, but the energy and enthusiasm is constant — and overwhelming.

4. They have problems with sleeping or eating that aren’t common for them

We all have a difficult night’s sleep from time to time. Someone in the depths of a depressive episode or the heights of a manic one individuals will go to extremes with either their sleep or eating — or both. Some folks with mania might turn to alcohol or drugs as well, which they may also take too far (even resulting in an accidental overdose). If you know someone with bipolar disorder and he or she suddenly starts calling you at 3 am, that may be a sign the individual is struggling with a mood swing.

5. They simply say, “I’m sick.”

Sometimes people with bipolar hide their symptoms in plain sight when asking for time off work or when they miss a class. Gabe tells me, “I say ‘I am not feeling well, I’ve been sick all weekend/night/day,’ and just let the person on other end of the line assume it’s a physical illness.” This is more of a half-lie, since the person is indeed struggling with a condition, just not the physical condition most people assume.

 

Not all bipolar symptoms are hidden. For further information, check out the symptoms of bipolar disorder.

Wondering if you have bipolar disorder? Take our bipolar test now.

from World of Psychology http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/03/30/5-surprising-signs-hidden-symptoms-of-bipolar-disorder/

Lesser-Known Schizophrenia Symptoms Which Actually Have a Great Impact

When people think of schizophrenia, they often think of hallucinations and delusions. And these are debilitating for many people with the illness. Imagine that you can’t trust your own mind to tell you what’s real and what isn’t.

One of Devon MacDermott’s clients asked her to think of an image and then to imagine that the knowledge that she’d conjured the image herself was erased. Which would leave MacDermott to question: Is the thought really my own or a symptom of schizophrenia?

“In that moment I realized that it must be terrifying and extraordinarily frustrating to be in the mind of someone with schizophrenia,” said MacDermott, Ph.D, a psychologist in private practice in New York City, who has worked extensively with people with schizophrenia in inpatient settings.

But there are other, less recognized symptoms of schizophrenia that can be just as problematic as hallucinations and delusions — or even more so.

For Rebecca Chamaa, who pens the Psych Central blog Life with Schizophrenia, lack of motivation is especially disruptive. Chamaa lacks the motivation to socialize. She can easily go weeks without seeing anyone but her husband of 18 years. “If you met me at a party, you’d think ‘she’s just like everyone else.’ But for me to actually want to go to that party is a big deal.”

Chamaa also believes the sinking motivation hampers her productivity. Even though she writes articles, blog posts and essays for various websites and attends a writing program at UCLA, Chamaa has noticed that her motivation is diminishing as she gets older.

Lack of motivation is classified as a “negative symptom” of schizophrenia. (Hallucinations and delusions are considered “positive symptoms.”) Negative symptoms are an absence or reduction of characteristics that are present in well-functioning people who don’t have schizophrenia, said Dawn I. Velligan, Ph.D, professor and co-director of the Division of Schizophrenia and Related Disorders at the Department of Psychiatry, UT Health Science Center at San Antonio.

Negative symptoms affect about 30 to 50 percent of people with schizophrenia, she said. These “lead individuals to spend a lot of idle time.” For instance, a person might be able to cook and clean, but they don’t initiate or start these activities.

People with schizophrenia have a hard time getting out of bed, working, fostering relationships and pursuing hobbies, MacDermott said. “Life can feel much heavier and effortful when your motivation and energy are zapped. It leads people to be less likely to engage in their lives.”

People with schizophrenia also are much less expressive with their emotions (another negative symptom). They might be feeling joy or sadness but they look like they aren’t feeling anything, MacDermott said. Our ability to express our emotions is vital to connecting with others. When that’s reduced, “it can severely impact someone’s ability to obtain support and empathy. It means that people with schizophrenia are much more likely to feel alone in their experiences.”

It can become a vicious cycle. According to Velligan, a person might have a blank facial expression and little emotion. They also might have little to talk about because they aren’t engaging that much in life. This can make others uncomfortable, which can lead to rejection, which “causes people with negative symptoms to initiate even less.”

Chamaa, author of Pills, Poetry and Prose, also struggles with anxiety. As she wrote in this post on her personal blog:

I have episodes of anxiety that make it impossible for me to do anything besides trying to relieve the anxiety. It is a catch-22 because the more I focus on relieving the anxiety, the more anxious I become. Anxiety ruins many events for me. At a writer’s conference, I will almost always be overcome with anxiety and have to leave to be by myself and try to diminish the symptoms. When I see friends, and I am socializing, I often have a panic attack and need to go home quickly. Being around people in general can easily trigger a wave of anxiety. I take medication for this, but this symptom is probably the one that keeps me from leading a “normal” life.

Chamaa’s paranoia around standing up for herself is especially hard. As she writes in the same post:

Constantly being fearful when you are just trying to be treated decently and fairly in this world is difficult to live with. Believing that people are going to punish you for disagreeing with them is a terrible way to live. We all need to feel some form of safety and comfort and trust in order to be healthy and happy. Those things are disrupted for me by schizophrenia.

About 95 percent of individuals with schizophrenia have cognitive impairments, which means difficulty paying attention, processing information quickly, remembering and planning, Velligan said. Because of these symptoms, people forget to perform important tasks at work and at home (like paying their bills). Not being able to plan also affects a person’s ability to complete tasks, along with identifying problems and finding solutions, Velligan said.

In fact, research has found that cognitive symptoms predict people’s social and occupational functioning, more so than hallucinations and delusions, said Melissa Fisher, Ph.D, a research psychologist and director of assessments in the Vinogradov Research Laboratory at the San Francisco VA Medical Center, and a senior statistician in the Department of Psychiatry at the University of California at San Francisco.

For instance, she cited this study by Lin et al. The authors found that both cognitive symptoms and negative symptoms in individuals at risk for psychosis were the strongest predictors of poor outcome.

Cognitive symptoms (and negative symptoms) also don’t respond to medication. (Medications do improve positive symptoms, which is critical.) This is why researchers are exploring interventions such as cognitive training, which seems to bolster the benefits of psychosocial treatments and occupational programs.

Fisher cited this study by McGurk et al. According to the researchers, findings revealed that: “Over 2-3 years, patients in the supported employment with cognitive training program were more likely to work, held more jobs, worked more weeks, worked more hours, and earned more wages than patients in the program offering supported employment alone.”

Schizophrenia is highly heterogeneous, Fisher said. “Any given patient may exhibit just a few, or several, or most of the symptoms over time.” Whatever combination of symptoms a person experiences, it still disrupts their everyday life. However, with treatment and support, people with schizophrenia can and do lead fulfilling, productive lives. That might be the least well-known fact of all.

Unmotivated woman photo available from Shutterstock

from World of Psychology http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/03/30/lesser-known-schizophrenia-symptoms-which-actually-have-a-great-impact/

Pictures of the day: 30 March 2016

Today: A volleyball eclipse, an overloaded tuktuk and a sunset in Thailand








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The Importance of Being Yourself on Social Media

Over the last few months I’ve been sharing my photography on Instagram. It has resulted in a near-constant desire for validation through likes and follows — I’ll write another article on that soon. The point is, scrolling through the newsfeed, I see copious amounts of photographers who are at the top of their game. Their craft is so refined and their style is so distinct that I can’t help but fawn over the pictures they take.

I decided I wanted my pictures to be like that. I really needed my pictures to be like that. Soon my admiration became a months-long effort to hone and refine my pictures to the point that they’d look exactly like these Instagram-famous photographers’ photos.

I figured if I could make my pictures look like theirs I’d instantly get hundreds of new followers, which would lead to new opportunities. Then I’d be able to sell hundreds of prints. The problem is, I could never quite get there. I could never quite get a grasp on the styling and editing techniques.

That’s how it goes, though: we chase something that we think will provide the success or appreciation we want.

For me, it was just making money. If I had to hone and tweak my photos exactly right in order to make money, so be it. But I was causing myself a great deal of stress over the whole thing. The stress to achieve success and become better and better is something that, whether I like it or not, guides my decisions. And that’s not good.

I’ve written before about how stress can be the light switch between symptoms and stability. Stress may be the biggest determinant of whether you’re able to maintain stability.

But I came to a conclusion through sickness and stress, feeling overwhelmed and exasperated that I wasn’t ever able to do it exactly right. I concluded that I should just stick to my own style. I have a very distinct style that I was pushing away in order to get more likes and follows. It occurred to me that if I stayed true to myself, I would be much happier.

This decision wasn’t driven by the desire for likes; it was driven by a desire to end the mounting stress. The funny thing is, people seem to like my photos. People are actually receptive to my unique style.

I realize that wanting likes and follows on Instagram may sound a little shallow, but I think we can all relate to the stress of trying to make a living, doing something, anything we can to find security in this world. That’s a notion that reverberates in pretty much everything we do.

I found that staying grounded and secure in my own method is much better for my mental health. Trying to please everyone is a recipe for disaster. We should be true to ourselves and learn to do things simply for our enjoyment. If other people appreciate it too, that’s just an added bonus.

from World of Psychology http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/03/29/the-importance-of-being-yourself-on-social-media/

8 Surprising Reasons Young People May Suffer from Depression

A friend of mine approached me the other day in tears. The 9-year-old son of a close friend of hers tried to kill himself.

“He’s 9!!??!!” she said. “How do you explain that?”

It’s true that we are all born with genes that predispose us to all sorts of things — in my case bipolar disorder and depression. And yes, our ancestors had these same genes. However, there is a new science called epigenetics (meaning “above” or “outside” of genetics), the study of cellular variations that are not caused by changes in the DNA sequence.

Pam Peeke, MD, bestselling author of The Hunger Fix, explained it to me once in an interview. “If you can change certain key choices — your diet, how you handle stress, your physical activity — it’s like writing notes in the margin of your genome, and you can flip the switch to support and protect your health,” Dr. Peeke said.

That’s where I think we have failed our youth. I believe we are creating a world in which the genes that are predisposed to anxiety and depression are getting “turned on” and developing into mood disorders because we don’t have the proper protections in place.

In a study published in Dialogues in Clinical Neuroscience, it was demonstrated that approximately one fourth of children and adolescents experience a mental disorder during the past year, and about one third across their lifetimes. The World Health Organization reported last year that depression is the predominant cause of illness and disability for both boys and girls aged 10 to 19 years.

Was this always the case? No.

There is more awareness today, and that’s a good thing. The field of child psychiatry has evolved, and with it better ways to screen our kids. However, I can’t help but scratch my head and wonder what is “turning on” so many unhealthy cells. Here are a few of my theories, backed by a bit of research, of course.

1. Lack of Play

Play allows your brain to breathe and form the neurons that help you fend off negative intrusive thoughts and the baggage of a mood disorder. In his Psychology Today blog, The Decline of Play and the Rise of Mental Disorders, Peter Gray, PhD, connects the rise of depression and anxiety among children and adolescents with the deterioration of relaxed play in our society.

“Free play and exploration,” he writes, “are … the means by which children learn to solve their own problems, control their own lives, develop their own interests, and become competent in pursuit of their own interests.” I plead guilty to not providing my kids, ages 11 and 13, the space for unstructured recreation, time to hang out and just be. However, we live in an area where they are not safe even in the front yard without supervision. And even if they could ride their bikes around the neighborhood, they would have no one to go with, because all their friends are at sports practices.

2. C-Sections

Today, approximately one mother in three gives birth by Cesarean section in this country. That’s 32.8 percent, as compared to a rate of 4.5 percent in 1965. The World Health Organization recommends that the Cesarean section rate should not be higher than 10 to 15 percent. It is associated with high maternal and neonatal complication rates.

I think we are only beginning to learn about the long-term, complicated consequences of C-section births. For example, many studies have shown that babies born by Cesarean have an increased risk for developing allergies, asthma, and diabetes. However, a recent study in the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry adds autism and ADHD to the list. Why? Babies receive two critical exposures in the birth canal: the vaginal microbes or bacteria that protect mood and the acute stress that primes the baby’s immune system and calming, parasympathetic system.

Even harder for babies than Cesareans, I think, are emergency Cesareans, when a mom goes through the pleasure of child labor, only to end up having a Cesarean. In most cases, these also involve some kind of trauma, like an umbilical cord wrapped around the neck. The poor guys come into this world with anxiety, and often need to be taught how to calm themselves down.

Intrigued by how many kids with anxiety and depression were born in an emergency c-section, I have conducted my own study and have been asking the moms that I know. Approximately 75 percent of the kids with mental issues were born in an emergency C-section.

3. Sugar

As evidenced in my recent column about sugar, I hold some strong opinions about the sweet, short-chain, soluble carbohydrates that saturate so much of the American diet. I remain shocked by the influence that Swedish Fish, cupcakes, soda — and especially anything made with that poison known as high fructose corn syrup — have on your mood. I have seen the devastating consequences in my kids.

British psychiatric researcher Malcolm Peet conducted a cross-cultural analysis where he found a strong link between high sugar consumption and both depression and schizophrenia. One reason for the sugar-mood connection may be that refined sugar, as well as anything your body processes like it (Doritos, Cheetos, Triscuits), sets off chronic inflammation in your body, which then mucks up your immune system and causes a cascade of issues you don’t want. Sugar also suppresses activity of a key growth hormone in the brain called BDNF, and those levels are low in both depression and schizophrenia.

The average American consumes between 150 to 170 pounds of refined sugar a year, according to the United States Department of Agriculture. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that 16 percent of total calories in our kids’ diets came from added sugars. That’s disgusting.

4. Antibiotics

Hear me out before you roll your eyes on this one. In the last year, I’ve learned quite a bit about the critical role of our gut flora and bacteria in maintaining good mental health, and I believe it’s because ever since I started paying very close attention to my diet and taking a probiotic, I have started to feel better. Researchers at McMaster University published a study in the online edition of the journal Gastroenterology where they disrupted the normal bacteria of healthy adult mice with antibiotics. As a result, the mice became more anxious and there were changes in certain parts of the mice’s brains affecting emotion and mood.

As I read GAPS: Gut and Psychology Syndrome by Natasha Campbell-McBride, MD, I thought more about the times I’ve been flooded with antibiotics — like after my appendectomy — and how that affected my mood. And then I thought about the first two and half years of my son’s life. He was almost always taking an antibiotic for an ear infection until we had tubes put in. No wonder why the poor guy is not as emotionally resilient as his peers who were not born by an emergency C-section followed by two years of antibiotics.

5. Screen Time

So, instead of playing a game of kick the can with neighborhood friends like we did when I was young, kids are often by themselves, inside, on their iPads or phones playing JellyCar. An August 2013 British study found that children who spent more than four hours a day in front of computer screens or television had lower self-esteem and greater emotional problems, such as anxiety and depression.

There have been many studies that have shown the deterioration in certain brain areas due to screen activity, microstructural abnormalities in adolescents who play games on iPads, computers, or phones for more than 20 hours a week. In a study published in the European Journal of Radiology, game addicts showed significant atrophy in parts of the brain’s gray matter: the frontal lobes responsible for executive functions and the insula, related to our capacity to develop empathy and compassion for others.

Psychiatrist Mary G. Burke has compiled a helpful, comprehensive list of studies in her article The Impact of Screen Media on Children in Psychiatric Times. Dr. Burke concludes that “fMRI studies during and after screen media exposure reveal pronounced and specific activation patterns,” some of which are similar to those seen in drug addicts.

At my kids’ school, they introduce iPads in sixth grade, so unfortunately they have mandatory screen time. Any texting or games is on top of that, which is a problem considering a study published in the American Journal of Industrial Medicine found that sitting in front of a computer for five hours a day can dramatically increase your risk of depression.

6. Broken Homes

Have you heard that divorce rates have leveled out or even started to decline in the last decade? Yeah, that’s not true, according to demographers at the University of Minnesota. Using new data from the American Community Survey, and controlling for changes in the age composition of the married population, they found there was a substantial increase in age-standardized divorce rates between 1990 and 2008. In fact, divorce rates have doubled over the past two decades among persons aged 35 years or older.

Peacemaker Ministries published a paper that said that in 1935, there were 16 divorces for each 100 marriages. By 1998, the number had risen to 51 divorces per 100 marriages. Now more than a million children experience divorce each year, and more than 8 million children currently live with a divorced single parent.

Now I know there is research to support getting out of a bad marriage (for you and your kids); however, children of divorce are significantly more likely to develop depression and anxiety well into their twenties than their peers from nuclear homes. A study published in Journal of Marriage and Family found that divorce had serious consequences on the psychological well-being of children both before and after the divorce, and that the negative effects could not be attributed to the pre-divorce stress within the family.

7. Toxins

I don’t remember ever having to worry about a scratch on my knee before swimming in the creeks nearby my home growing up. Now? I’m petrified to submerge myself into the waters of the Chesapeake Bay if I have any open wounds. I have heard too many stories about flesh-eating bacteria that leads to amputations of limbs.

Of course, it’s not just the water that’s toxic. The air quality is worse. Foods are sprayed with nasty pesticides. (Read about the landmark 20-year study that found pesticides are linked to depression in farmers.) We are exposed to all kinds of poisonous substances in our cleaning products, toiletries, not to mention our tap water.

In his book, The UltraMind Solution, Mark Hyman, MD, shares all kinds of case studies about people with symptoms of severe depression and anxiety that needed only to be detoxified. He, himself, was poisoned with mercury after living in Beijing, China, breathing in raw coal used to heat homes there, eating too many tuna sandwiches, and getting a mouthful of silver (or mercury) fillings.

8. Stress

Ah yes, stress. I couldn’t leave that off the list. No less than once a week, my husband and I discuss the problem of our kids being way too stressed out. However, when we start going through the alternatives, they don’t work either.

For example, the kids have too much homework. Do we pull them from school? If I home-school them that will be much worse for their psyches. Their sports are too competitive. Do we not sign them up? Then they won’t be with their friends, because, as I said in my first point, kids don’t “hang out” today. They play club sports, where they travel 60 miles to crush another team.

Stress compromises almost every biological system in your body, wearing out important organs so that you are vulnerable to mood disruptions. Constant cortisol flooding your bloodstream is bad news. But I don’t have a clue as to what to do about it.

Join the conversation “Why Are So Many Young People Depressed?” on ProjectBeyondBlue.com, the new depression community.

Originally posted on Sanity Break at Everyday Health.

Sad young boy photo available from Shutterstock

from World of Psychology http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/03/29/8-surprising-reasons-young-people-may-suffer-from-depression/

Best of Our Blogs: March 29, 2016

You’re probably here because you’re searching for answers. You’re struggling with anxiety, ADHD or a relationship. You have a strong desire to fix things, to want to make things right.

The experience of working through these issues is an uncomfortable, sometimes painful process, but often necessary to solve them. In other words, sometimes we have to go through crap because it’s what we need to evolve.

Our lives are marathons, not sprints. We need stamina, perseverance and faith to be able to get through the hard parts.

Think of this week’s top posts as the water break for the path you’re on. Read them to get the motivation you need to reflect, reconnect and reengage with life no matter where you are on your journey.

What It Means When a Narcissist Says “I Love You”
(Neuroscience & Relationships) – In a relationship with a narcissist? Then this love letter from one will ring true with you.

All Anxiety is Not the Same: 3 Types, 3 Solutions
(Childhood Emotional Neglect) – What types of anxiety do you have? Read this to find the best treatments based on the anxiety you have.

Why Do Codependents Stay in Dysfunctional Relationships?
(Happily Imperfect) – If you wracked your brain wondering why someone you know keeps getting and staying in toxic relationships, this could help. Here are nine reasons why they stay.

It’s Time To Stop Joking About ADHD
(Loving a Child with ADHD) – The next time someone casually jokes about, “being so ___ (ADD, bipolar, OCD)” send them this. Unless you experienced it personally, this blogger says you can do better than joke about it.

20 Questions to Connect with Yourself and Someone Else
(Weightless) – We’re so connected to technology, but we’re often disconnected with ourself and others. To reconnect, ask yourself these heartfelt questions.

from World of Psychology http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/03/29/best-of-our-blogs-march-29-2016/

Pictures of the day: 29 March 2016

Today: The Obamas go wild, what Storm Katie did and an erupting volcano








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8 Ways to Make Free-Time Fun a Priority

Fielding nonstop phone calls, juggling multiple projects, keeping the kids on schedule, making sure to eat and occasionally exercise leaves little time for the fun stuff you’d much rather do. While everyday obligations can and do take precedence, it’s also important to carve out time for yourself, time to do whatever you enjoy. Here are some practical (and easy) ways to do just that.

1. Forget the to-do list when it comes to fun.
   While some experts recommend scheduling time for leisure pursuits, hobbies and fun projects, new research from the Olin Business School at Washington University in St. Louis, MO suggests that scheduling takes all the fun out of fun. By assigning a specific date and time, the opposite effect can occur. Instead of having fun, you may wind up regarding the activity as a chore.

   The solution? According to researchers, allocating “roughly scheduled” leisure activities — a certain day, but no specific time — can make it feel less like work or a chore and allow for more fun.

2. Adopt a mindset that prizes pursuit of enjoyment.
   What is fun but something that makes you feel good, motivates you to pursue it and produces lasting memories? Too many people relegate having fun to a time when they’re not crushed with deadlines or some unknown future date. Instead of placing value on the pursuit of enjoyable activities, they tend to diminish the importance of having fun.

   Instill in your mind that the pursuit of enjoyment is not only OK, it’s absolutely essential to your overall well-being.

3. Network with others who also love to have fun.
   Nothing is more contagious than being with people who share your passion and participate in similar fun activities. By finding such people and associating with them on a regular basis, you expand your social network at the same time you broaden your appreciation of having fun. Whether it’s a garden club, skiing group or good friends who get together to share recipes, travel, see movies or engage in other pastimes, your network can help jazz up your fun time.
4. It’s not a contest. It’s supposed to be fun.
   If your fun activity starts to feel like a contest, you’re likely defeating the purpose. Fun is not intended to be stressful; just the opposite, in fact. It’s great that you might be motivated to descend the slope faster than your friend, or finish the crossword puzzle before your partner, just take care that the overriding intent is having fun, not racking up a win.
5. Tend to work early so you have guilt-free time to play.
   Diving into a fun-time activity can prove difficult if you left a mountain of work undone. Could procrastination be a factor? Maybe starting work earlier and tending to what needs to be done in a timelier and more organized manner will help eliminate the guilt you feel when you rush off to play. Granted, you won’t get everything done and working yourself into a frazzle in order to finish everything will only add to your stress level. Strive to strike a balance between work and play so that you feel good about your efforts in both.
6. Remind yourself that having fun is good.
   Brené Brown, PhD., in her book The Gifts of Imperfection says that “a critically important component of wholehearted living is play.” You want a well-rounded life, so that means you need to do more than just work. Play is essential to leading a happier, healthier life. Sometimes you need to remind yourself of this fact.
7. Take regular vacations.
   One long-recommended way to make fun-time a priority is to take vacation time — and go on a vacation. Leave the work at work. Forget about being tethered via social media, email and cell phone. Another tip about vacationing is to explore something or some place that’s new. Expand your horizons and discover activities and pursuits you may have only read about.
8. Keep a list of what excites you.
   If workdays are becoming one long bore and an endless chore, it helps to have a list of fun activities that you really enjoy. Refer to this list and revisit one of them or use it to brainstorm new pursuits. This is your fun crib sheet and it’s perfectly OK to keep adding to it.

Fun image from Shutterstock.

from World of Psychology http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/03/28/8-ways-to-make-free-time-fun-a-priority/

3 Strong Reasons We’re Failing at Self-Love

There’s a reason we’re like this…

Why is it so hard to love ourselves? If you’re like me, over the years you’ve tried to figure out how to love myself. And now, it’s en vogue — but how do we do it?

More importantly why don’t we just do it naturally? Actually, we do.

10 Things Your Friend With Anxiety Wants You to Know

Have you ever seen a baby who is absolutely enthralled with her own fingers? Or children who giggle and play without care of what others think? They love themselves. You might say, “come on — they’re little! They don’t know any better.” Exactly! We are trained not to love ourselves.

During the process of growing up, watching media, competing for jobs, and making normal mistakes, self love gets beaten out of us.

And with the new mindfulness paradigm, if we don’t love ourselves, were making even another mistake. It seems like we can’t win.

Experience tells me the reason: We are enculturated and socialized to be dissatisfied and devalue ourselves. Here are the three main ways I see it happening:

1. Parenting and Schooling.

I admire and honor parents and educators. They work really hard and get very little compensation for all that work. Frankly, I don’t have an answer to this problem because we really do need to raise our children to function in society — yet the basis of the job is to help shape children away from what they would become naturally, into what will work in the “real” world. We are taught that we aren’t enough.

We teach our children to conform to our values. They are praised when they obey and corrected when they do not. Most of us do this with love — hoping our kids will be well-adjusted and happy. But truthfully, we do tell them through behavior modification that they’re not enough. Even using words like, “It’s not you, it your behavior that is the problem,” means they didn’t do something right. We train our children to conform and put other people’s value of them before their own.

FIX: Begin to live your life for you. If you’re over 25 and still following the dream a parent or teacher had for you, it is time to get some coaching or therapy. As for your family, friends and peers — spend time with people who support you and who you feel good around. You will know you are doing this right when you loose a few relationships you don’t want anyway.

2. Media and Social Media.

I know, we already get so much info on how the media makes us hate ourselves — so why bring it up again? A brave few are outspoken and are making some progress on the issue of self love and body image. But as individuals we’re still not getting it. Self love is the main root issue for all my clients. All. Of. Them.

Even if we had great parents, teachers and friends, we still grow up in a society that glamorizes newer, faster, younger, richer. When we grow up, it just gets more covert and insidious. It can show up as competitive behavior with your frenemy at work, or feeling jealous about what others post on Facebook.

Want some proof? NPR reported on a University of Michigan study that showed You + Facebook = sadder & more dissatisfied you.

A large body of evidence shows media teaches you to be dissatisfied until you have whatever they are selling. You are bombarded with advertisements every day selling that you’re not enough or not in the right crowd until you owned their product or service.

We are entranced into thinking we’re supposed to be what we see, even though we know most of us aren’t. I routinely teach my clients how to ethically use media and social media for with respect to our self-care. Here’s a simple guide for social media and self care by York University.

3. Boundary Problems and Negative Self Talk.

We keep ourselves stuck in the first two problems through our negative self talk and boundary issues. Negative self talk and poor boundaries lead you to avoid confrontation (read: stand up for yourself) and far reaching goals (read: procrastination).

An example may be you say yes to something you don’t want to do, then call yourself stupid or week for saying yes. Or you stay in a job or relationship that is unhappy because you think you don’t deserve better.

FIX: Think about any negative messages you have from childhood — “I’m not [fill in the blank] enough,” or “I always/never [fill in the blank].” Even though it seems like an obvious idea, negative self talk is sneaky. You’ve done it most of your life, so it can be just part of the background noise in your mind. Here is a great guide from Psychology Today about how to identify negative self talk.

Setting boundaries can be challenging, but you are WORTH IT and totally capable.

One of the best ways to begin looking at your boundaries is to check out what you get mad/irritated about. I recommend journaling the big ones. Once you know that problem, then you can start setting different boundaries. Here’s a another great article about how to set boundaries from Psych Central.

Terrifying: This Is What Happens to Your Body When You’re Stresse

I tell my clients that any form of anger is always somehow about boundaries. Here’s the trick though — sometimes the person violating your boundaries is you. Like the example above, saying yes when you mean no, or continuing to date a jerk. Eating the extra piece of whatever at the office party when you know that your health goals are more important to you. If you notice this happening, the best thing to do is take a breath and tell yourself that you realized you violated your own boundaries and you’ll do better next time.

The issue of self love isn’t going to go away anytime soon. But maybe you can free yourself faster than you think. Take a breath, listen to your self talk, discover your boundaries, and decide to love yourself by nixing the criticism about it while you make changes.

This guest article originally appeared on YourTango.com: 3 Powerful Reasons Why It’s SO Freaking HARD To Love Ourselves.

from World of Psychology http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/03/28/3-strong-reasons-were-failing-at-self-love/

Traumatic Brain Injury: The Hidden Epidemic Nobody Wants to Talk About

This is a special in-depth look at traumatic brain injury (TBI) during Brain Awareness Month.

“Right after the hit I was in the back of the ambulance feeling really good, letting go of all my problems… the world seemed so far away,” Keith explains of his near-death experience.

“I could hear the EMT screaming — he said he thought he lost me — but it sounded like I was in a bubble. The feeling reached an amazing point where if I already had done the things that I wanted with my life, I would have let go.”

He points out the injuries on his face, including an eye patch that he wears since his motorcycle crash last summer. An outgoing and successful 30-year-old software engineer, the traumatic brain injury (TBI) from his accident caused brain swelling that left him with cranial nerve damage and other life-altering symptoms. His ambulance experience may have been part of the hallucinations that occur as your brain and body are failing, but Keith looks back at that moment as much more.

“The day before the accident my thoughts were around needing more money, getting a bigger place, getting more girls – things that don’t matter. I was in typical young, single guy mode,” he says openly.

“It sucks to be in this position, but I’m a better person because of my accident. It made me see that my life can end at any moment and I have more self-respect now.” Since then, he has tried to learn more about his TBI following a surprising hospital experience. “I was disappointed by the fact that they couldn’t fix me at the hospital. Even though I have a really good doctor, they don’t even fully know what’s going on in my brain now.”

This dramatic tale may seem like something from fiction, but it’s actually more common than most realize, especially considering that every twelve seconds a person in America sustains brain damage. You didn’t misread — count to twelve and someone, somewhere in the U.S. has experienced a traumatic brain injury.

The math is quite simple. There are 31.5 million seconds in a year. When you divide this by the 2.5 million civilians and military members who are diagnosed with a new TBI annually, your result is the same as the number of cranial nerves in the human brain – twelve. ^{[1], [2]}

A traumatic brain injury occurs when an external force impacts the brain and impairs certain functions. In a fraction of a second after a car collision, the driver and passenger’s heads can smash into the windshield at the same speed that the vehicle was moving, even as the car frame is buckling. It’s no surprise that the majority of reported TBIs are results of motor vehicle crashes, with almost half of those hospitalized experiencing long-term disability. ^{[3], [4]} Accidental falls, rough play, and contact sports may also lead to TBI, and research has shown that 50 percent of all injuries killing children in the U.S. and Canada include a brain injury. ^[5]

Memory Lapse: Have We Forgotten Our Brains?

Why is a condition that seriously affects your body’s most important control center — your brain — this prominent yet hardly discussed? Many sources say that it is considered to be a rather taboo topic, even by those who are intimately affected. Brain damage is extremely scary, and most who have it feel misunderstood. Unfortunately, many of these individuals quietly slink away into the shadows, overwhelmed and ashamed of their symptoms.

This hidden underworld of brain injury is vast. Recent tallies show that there are one million more traumatic brain injuries annually than all combined cancer diagnoses and more yearly deaths than drug overdose, breast cancer, prostate cancer, or HIV. ^{[6], [7]} Since a picture is worth a thousand words, here is a visual:

It is believed that TBI figures are grossly understated because of misrepresented data. There are an abundance of injuries that are just “shaken off” and not reported at all. The notion of ignoring a brain injury happens during playtime and in competitive sports quite often. Although urgent care is required, it is common for a blow to the head not to be evaluated as a serious medical situation. Certain individuals are even pressured to forego treatment, especially those subject to domestic violence.

Many of the varying symptoms of mild brain damage may be subtle and go unnoticed at first, but gradually gain momentum until they interfere with everyday life. One day you notice that your memory is just a bit more faulty than usual. Then you realize that your attention is distracted quite often. The words don’t roll off your tongue anymore, and sometimes you want to say something and it simply doesn’t come out the way you imagined. You feel sad or disassociated from others, and anxious more than you would like to admit.

The Ripple Effect of Brain Injury

These could just be natural imperfections, the small faults of our individual bodies and personalities. On the other hand, they could be signs of secondary progression from TBI. Dr. Anlys Olivera, a Brain Injury Unit Researcher at the National Institutes of Health, explains that the difficulty in identifying symptoms of TBI until they worsen is partially why early signs go unnoticed.

“Doctors sometimes can’t get to the root cause because there is no protocol specific to TBI treatment over time. Symptoms can come six months, two years, or 10 years after injury, and patients are not aware that more issues can follow. Insurance will only cover immediate ‘standard’ care, but may not cover alternative care strategies for chronic post-concussive symptoms. This is a huge problem as well,” she remarks.

Dr. Olivera ties this to the serious oversight in military protocol, where certain soldiers are receiving a dishonorable discharge regardless of behavioral changes that could be related to TBIs experienced during training or combat operations.

“It’s a shame. There is no consideration for the chronic impact that TBI has on these soldiers and the effects on their judgement and reasoning skills, or even their personalities,” notes Dr. Olivera.

“Patients are often not even aware of these alterations because of their brain injuries.”

One out of three military service members are returning home with a traumatic brain injury in addition to other mental health issues such as PTSD. ^[8]

The truth is, disabling and potentially life-threatening brain injuries are happening to your children and friends on a regular basis. Every kid taking a nasty skateboard fall or jumping from a rooftop in a popular YouTube video is not actually going to the hospital after the camera stops rolling. For those who are, roughly 90 percent of reported TBIs are considered to be “mild” during clinicians’ ER assessments and they are sent home that same day. ^[9]

Don’t let this classification fool you — even “mild” injuries can be quite life-changing. There are often multiple symptoms coexisting, with common types including memory, problem solving issues, speech disorders, and emotional instability. ^[10] Although in most cases, there is not much that hospital staff will do unless there is immediate bleeding or swelling in the brain.

Lies, Neglect, and Flawed Healthcare

TBI remains somewhat under the radar regardless of bold headlines that include the concussion-related death of a young college athlete whose teammates anonymously sent details of coaches’ extreme neglect to the player’s parents. The NFL settled a $1 billion lawsuit with 20,000 former players in 2013; however, the case never covered depression, mood disorders, and CTE (chronic traumatic encephalopathy), the brain disease that has been featured in the recent movie “Concussion.” ^[11]

Up until a few days ago, the NFL claimed that there was not enough scientific evidence to support CTE. This changed drastically when the NFL’s vice president of health and safety became the first representative ever to publicly acknowledge a link between head trauma from football and degenerative brain diseases, including CTE. His comments mark a pivotal turning point in the ongoing trials.

There was also an attack earlier this year against helmet maker Riddell because of uncovered evidence that the league was hiding sensitive information. ^[12] Flawed data from the NFL is becoming a trend, as on March 24, 2016, the New York Times disclosed that over 100 diagnosed concussions were omitted from more than a decade of confidential NFL research. This finding contests the validity of the scientific studies that used these data, namely research claiming that TBI did not cause long-term health issues.

Players continue to fight back after years of dismissals of their symptoms, and another suit relating to the 2013 settlement was just filed in late 2015. Depression and anxiety are mentioned in many TBI assessments, as they have high comorbidity rates with brain injury, but that seemed to get ignored during the NFL court proceedings. Interestingly, this blind eye to mental health care for the TBI population is also being turned in hospitals and treatment centers.

Three years of data collected from 10 U.S. brain injury rehabilitation facilities shows that there is a focus on physical, speech, and occupational therapy, but psychological well-being seems to be greatly overlooked. ^[13] While these therapies were each given to almost every patient for four to five hours per week, only 50 percent of patients received psychotherapy or behavior intervention, and treatment was given for an average of 20 minutes per week. Even more troublesome is that 70 percent of the 2,000 individuals studied were given anti-depressant medications regardless of not receiving regular professional psychotherapy.

from World of Psychology http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/03/28/traumatic-brain-injury-the-hidden-epidemic-nobody-wants-to-talk-about/

Surviving and Thriving in a Character-Disordered World

If you've ever tried to understand what went wrong in a toxic relationship, or struggled to find a way to heal and move on after one, my latest book is for you.

Tags: book, character disturbance, relationships

from Psychology, Philosophy and Real Life http://counsellingresource.com/features/2016/03/28/character-disordered-world/

Could Childhood Emotional Abuse Lead to Migraines Later in Life?

Say what?!

It isn’t an exaggeration to say that people who get migraines suffer. Migraines are more intense than regular headaches and can last for hours or days. Any movement, bright lights or noises can make the pain worse. When you’re having a migraine you might feel nauseous or have to vomit.

Some people only occasionally get migraines, while others seem to get them all the time. And since they’re so debilitating, you may miss work or an important event because all you want is for the pain to go away.

Why Kids Who ‘Talk Back’ Become Happier, More Successful Adults

If you’ve never experienced a migraine, count yourself lucky; if you have, I hope you’ve found a way to deal with them.

A new study, which will be presented at the American Academy of Neurology‘s 68th Annual Meeting in April, has found that children who are emotionally abused may be more likely to experience migraines as young adults. The study also suggests that the link between migraines and abuse was stronger for emotional abuse than for physical or sexual abuse.

“Emotional abuse showed the strongest link to increased risk of migraine,” study author Dr. Gretchen Tietjen, from the University of Toledo in Ohio, said. “Childhood abuse can have long-lasting effects on health and well-being.”

For the study, physical abuse was defined as being punched, kicked or thrown around. Sexual abuse included forced sexual touching or sexual relations.

Of the approximately 14,500 young adult participants, almost 14 percent had been diagnosed with migraines and about 47 percent reported that they had been emotionally abused during childhood. Eighteen percent reported that they had been physically abused and five percent said that they had been sexually abused.

Sixty-one percent of those who had experienced migraines said they had been abused as children, contrasted with 49 percent of those without migraines.

Those who were abused were five percent more likely to experience migraines than those who weren’t abused after accounting for age, race and sex. In addition, adults who suffered physical or sexual abuse didn’t have a significantly higher risk than those who weren’t abused.

Why So-So Grades Are OK (If Your Kid Has THESE 6 Traits Instead)

The correlation between emotional abuse during childhood and increased migraine risk later in life remained, after the researchers took into account depression and anxiety. In that analysis, adults who had suffered emotional abuse as children were 32 percent more likely to have migraines than those who weren’t abused.

“More research is needed to better understand this relationship between childhood abuse and migraines,” Dr. Tietjen said. “This is also something doctors may want to consider when they treat people with migraine.”

This guest article originally appeared on YourTango.com: If You Get Migraines, You May Have Been Emotionally Abused As A Kid.

from World of Psychology http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/03/28/could-childhood-emotional-abuse-lead-to-migraines-later-in-life/