Working with children day in and day out provides a fantastic perspective and a look into who they really are. Sometimes they’re wonderful angels sent from heaven to remind us of the beauty in life. Sometimes they’re tiny emotional vampires just waiting for you to look away so they can pounce on your weak point. Most of the time it’s somewhere in between.
Usually, though, our expectations are too high. The “little adult syndrome” comes into play when we treat children like they are nothing but tiny adults. We expect kids to use logic, reasoning, and problem-solving skills the way grown-ups do. This is true for parents, teachers, and anyone who regularly spends time with children. We raise our expectations to a point where the children cannot possibly meet them, and we then become disappointed when these expectations are not met. (There’s some of that adult logic.)
What happens when a child who doesn’t know how to control his emotions gets mad? He does things he shouldn’t. What happens when a child who hasn’t learned how to ask politely for things wants something? He or she snatches it.
Children have to be afforded the opportunity to learn. Remember that children have the same basic needs as adults: love/belonging, power/accomplishment, freedom/independence, fun, survival. They’re just not as good as adults at expressing this.
Every action serves a purpose. A child’s behavior, positive or negative, is an attempt either to meet one of these needs or protect a need from being extinguished. Since children aren’t typically as emotionally attuned or as good at problem-solving as adults, these actions seem scattered and pointless at times. The basic needs mentioned above are very general, but misbehavior in children tends to serve a more specific purpose. There are four main goals of misbehavior with children: attention, power, revenge, and inadequacy.
The biggest problem adults have with children misbehaving is taking it personally. Kids are good at hurting adults’ feelings. Little Johnny yells at you when you tell him it’s time for bed; Suzie whispers something hateful under her breath; Stevie says he doesn’t want you to come to his class on his birthday. These are all examples of things children do that make adults sad or mad. Check yourself and search for the real meaning behind what’s going on.
Even if a child’s aim is to make you upset it’s got more to do with the child than it does you. The child is trying either to fulfill or protect a need. They are saying something different than you’re interpreting most of the time. Their actions may seem intended just to make you mad, but look below the surface. Step back, take a deep breath, and examine the situation more closely.
Managing negative behaviors from children can be tricky at times. Adults’ prevailing wisdom is to punish a child for misbehaving. If the behavior is not corrected, then you should punish them harder and harder until they break. What!? I’m not anti-punishment; in fact, I believe in spanking. Here’s the rub, though: the child in front of you is telling you they need something, and most of the time what they need is not a spanking or a timeout. Understand what they really need and try to meet the child there or at least help them express their needs better. Behaviors have messages. What is that child trying to tell you? When you think of it this way, misbehavior isn’t misbehavior at all; it’s the most effective way of communicating a child knows.
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from World of Psychology http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2016/06/13/the-reason-children-misbehave/
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